I've notice some bickering and hurt feelings on o few of the threads lately. I happen to be one of those who feel there is nothing wrong with disagreement or debate, as long as it doesn't resort to name calling or personal attacks.
It seems to me if all we hear from each other are validations of our own opinions then there is no point in even asking a question, it is hearing different points of view, even those we don't agree with, that allows us to learn from each other.
Anyway, I have been attacked a few times thru the years, don't regret any of the skirmishes.... it was a learning curve... for all of us.....so many wonderful insights have been shared here today.... all so positive and hopeful..... but when you stop and think about it..... for the most part, we get along and when wrong we apologize.... there are hundreds of folks on here, mostly women.... think about it... and we get along most of the time.....
One thing I appreciate is there are more paid caregivers here now, so I feel if I do need to vent, I will be understood.... we get tired, impatient, wear many hats, must stay professional, ect.... but it has helped me to see how many truly appreciate THEIR paid caregiver...Yes, lots of lousy ones out there, too.... but it helps others to know what to look for.... so thank you all for such a great 'conversation' about life.... it is life after all....some days we click and get along, some days we don't.... but as a whole, this is a great site to be a member of...
I do agree it is easier to get offended when we are not face to face.. sometimes your "mood" does not let you pick up some one being jokingly sarcastic... When I was new on here I got picked on a few times.. then I thought "the hazelnuts with that!" I just laid low a bit then I was back. If this site was only for dementia I would be gone now, as Mom does not have that. And I would miss you all terribly! If someone wants a site for dementia only there is alway the official ALZ site... but they are not as much FUN as we are!
It also helps me, now whenever my parents refuse to do something, I will think of something that Windyridge, for example, had said that will get me laughing [such as trying to get my parents to shampoo the rugs].
My ex-Mom-in-law [90] can find comic timing in so many things that help each of us through whatever crazy physical issue we are dealing with. Earlier this year ex-Mom-in-law broke her shoulder, and this spring I did the same thing... so we started to compare notes like us old people do, but we got to giggling about our early struggles with eating, etc. Laughter is the best medicine :0
Some families communicate very loudly and brashly as their norm. Others barely utter a word to each other. And every combination of dynamic in between.
I know I've inadvertently offended some on here, but it wasn't my purpose to be a jerk. It was some reality orienting. I needed myself when I came here, a much milder and passive version of myself today. The strong voices of experience on this site helped guide me, push me, and helped me help myself in a very mixed up crazy situation. I walked away having heard "yes you can do this because we did it, now get off your duff and shift!"
I assume that if someone has asked a question, they actually did intend to get answers and not just molly-coddling or validation of their status quo.
Not being face to face, none of us can tell by looking who is wired to be super sensitive and can't handle direct talk, and therefore modify our approach. Some of us are just direct because we don't have time to waste and don't want to waste yours either.
😊
Cwillie, I didn't come to this site until after my mother passed. In the darker days after the funeral i was worried if I would get dementia. Started reading things and honestly don't remember how I found it. I decided to stay in case I could share something helpful for someone else. I now have my dad living with me and that is a whole other world from dementia .We learn something everyday and as a result of this post i will try and be more tolerant of others, explain my suggestions, not be too quick to judge and read ALL of the posts before posting. Also, I would like all to know that I usually answer on my phone and have so many typos due to my fat finger that I hope you all will forgive me. Hope everyone has a great day 😎
Bookluvr, reading your post reminded me of the book Lord of the Flies. I think there's also a stronger opportunity for people to attack others on forums because they're not face to face. There are, however, forums, where this rarely occurred. Unfortunately, when it did occur the first time, dozens of the posters left. The second time really sounded the death knell as more posters left. The forum was shut down last year, after activity had dwindled to a minimum. But some of us suspected that it was just easier to utter the standard advice: "go to social media - check us out on Facebook."
In fact 3 of my favorite forums closed last year, each with the suggestion to check them out on Facebook. I began wondering if FB is offering incentives for forums to close and send their posters to FB.
Oh, BTW, Windy, I heard the Donald was considering his next acquisition: a wig shoppe. Then he won't have to worry which way to comb his hair.
I try to be diplomatic, but if someone starts in on politics, buckle your seat belts. I use to do political debating for 15 years on forums and in person. I was always ready and well armed with research for a good debate. But there were always those few who liked to "trump" the other writers :P Glad I don't see that here on this forum.
I just remember feeling so hurt and betrayed. I was posting for months on that thread and ... after that happened, Everyone Ignored me. No Likes, No response to my comments on the thread or in their private walls. I was posting but no one was responding to me at all. I Finally got the hint. And I stopped posting there. Months later, another poster made some catty remark about me when I had mentioned on another thread about no longer commenting on that thread. Another friend defended me. Because I felt so betrayed and hurt, it was she who explained to me that that thread is a clique. I was a newbie of this forum of 5 months. After she told me this, I started only reading that thread but not comment. I saw that almost every time a newbie came on, they attacked that person - until the person said that they were quitting this site. I would then go to their wall and explain to them what is happening. I would welcome them to AgingCare but gently directed them to other discussion threads. After a while, I couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped. And my friend continued where I left off. She has stopped posting here on AC. I no longer read there – at all. Too bad. That was one of my favorite threads.
Mum once told me if I told lie my tongue would swell up and I wouldn't be able to talk intelligibly any more - in this day and age I suppose my fingers would swell to any nothing I would write would make sense either ....
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I just feel like at my age with my experiences and not working anymore that I can reflect on life and share various insights from time to time. Thanks to all for listening and your feedback when something I say actually helps someone.
Ok, I'll hush. I'm unwinding from my therapy session today which did not provided enough time.
JeanetteB, thanks for the compliment but I don't have the degree or the clinical training to do it.
Just Kidding......:)
A very, select few times, I've seen it impossible to debate issues, ideas, practices, or options because the person was such an ideologue that they were not free to dialogue in the world of various way of seeing things, various choices that could be made if they weren't so entrenched against considering options.
In my opinion these discussion never become a healthy debate because they never become a debate. I just figure the person is not ready yet and in due time with more unfolding events in their life, they just might open up. And even then, you don't go rushing in with the whole train load of ideas, options, etc.
We must respect where each person is even when it frustrates us for ultimately it is their choice. I think we need to love them where they are and not make them feel abandoned although they might abandon us.
The thing I keep remembering is that most of us will not reach out for help beyond ourselves until the pain of the problem gets worse than the pain or shame of reaching out for help. . We like being self-sufficient as individuals which is good, but sometimes our individualism goes into hyper drive and crashes.
My I am long winded tonight and rambling.