It felt like a knife in my heart, and to my husband for my dad to leave on Thanksgiving morning to go eat with the ones who stole and treated him so badly. Me and my family were here in this dump called a family home after moving in to help. Yes, it was our choice. But after we picked up the pieces and payed out bills ect.. from them mooching and stealing. He goes with them. Makes me want to sell this house in a way. Would you feel betrayed if the person youve helped ditched you on a holiday like that? It hurts!
I'm still working on how to not allow his words to anger/hurt me. There's a poster here that posts this every once in a while. I have it filed in my notes for easy finding.
DETACH AND BOUNDARIES
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Detaching
Accept that others are responsible for their own choices
Anger –deal with it in a healthy way
Blame –don’t blame and don’t accept blame
Consequences – face them and see that others experience them
Decide what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do
Detachment is not a feeling so much as a choice of behaviors, though the feelings should follow the behaviors. Detachment means you can maintain positive behaviors towards to others –kindness, compassion,
Don’t enable the unhealthy behaviors of others
Focus on yourself
Forgive, but don’t forget the need to protect yourself
Grieve the relationship as it was, the hopes that you had, the mistreatment you received,
Refuse to be manipulated e.g, emotional blackmail
Respond, don’t react
Separate yourself - physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, socially from others behaviors/feelings
Set boundaries
Say “No”
Space –create it between you and them
Try not to take the behaviors personally
Treat others and yourself with love and dignity
You can only control /change yourself – your emotions, your behaviors –do not take responsibility for the others feelings or behaviors
Realize it is a process and that you will make mistakes and get “sucked” in, but that you can learn from your mistakes.
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P.S.... It's a good time to work on this because Christmas is coming up.
He knows you will stand by him. He is not so sure they will. King Lear.