my dad is 90 and i am the only family in his life. i am not a mother or am not a cook and am not domestic. but yet i know that if i dont hug him he has no affection and feels very much alone and frightened. i still work... in fact have a lot of responsibility and risk. i feel like i dont know what im doing. i have no kids and dont cook and cannnot get him to agree to getting any help. he needs company more than anything. i want to be there to be his health advocate, but i hate feeling like i have to let him know where i am all the time or else he feels lost. i am tired. i am guilty. i am wearing out and i need to know im not alone. and if there is anything i can do, id love to have suggestions.
he drives..urg... is getting a motorized wheel chair but i will not get in the car with him. my car is too small for a ramp. the only parts i feel in fairly good control of is his meds, but that was only because he ended up with losing them and double taking them until i finally won my battle that i should hold them--especially the controlled ones. he will not allow anyone into his life but me. it means i cant get away; that and my business. my husband doesnt get along with him and that causees martial problems. i know there is a better way to handle it than the guilt and failure i feel. i need help....
You are not alone.
I have a few suggestions not sure if they would work for you but here goes.
This may be a little labor intensive, but a geriatric manager gave me this suggestion.
Find someone through a local home health company who YOU interview first.
It may be someone who your father can relate to (in my situation the geriatric manager suggested a mature polish woman, since both of my parents and relatives were from Poland and there was a more trusting attitude for someone of their own ethnic backround.
Have the helper come to YOUR house to clean and help with some meal preparation and invite your father over to visit while she is there.
Let your father visit with her while you are busy in another area of the house so they establish a raport.
After 3-4 times of this, suggest that she now help him out as well, with some cooking and cleaning.
Dont know if it will help but it might.
ps as far as cooking goes, I have found a Crock Pot to be my best friend lately.
You put everything in one pot, with a little broth or fluid and at the end of the day
you have a fully cooked meal, meat, potatoes veggies etc.
Also, there is a company called Phillips which manufactures a great
medic alert pendant and also a medication dispenser in case you can no
longer administer his medications.
I know you are going to have to wrestle those car keys away from him. I worry that he could be putting other people's life at risk if he is unable to drive well. Perhaps that would be a good excuse to bring in someone else. There are a lot of wonderful caregivers out there that have much experience working with the elderly. Finding a good one to drive your father places and provide companionship sounds ideal to me. Maybe you could check with people at your local senior center to see if they could recommend a good caregiver. It would take so much of the burden off you and your father wouldn't need to drive.