So my dad has pushed me to the limit. I can't do it anymore. Going to leave and set him up with some wellness checks and elder services help. It has to be free or he won't sign-up for anything. But I can't do it anymore. He doesn't believe or trust me. His meanness and dementia has gotten the best of me and I can't take it.
If you have POA, etc. for your Dad, ask the attorney how you can get out of it, or if you should continue to remain on the documents. Let his primary doctor know how to reach you if a medical decision needs to be made. Sounds like it is time to move back to your previous home town to be with your friends and closer to your Mom.
I suspect you have a variety of feelings and reasons for doing this. I doubt that spite is the only one, We have had others who have had to leave their parent(s) alone as they would not accept help and then wait for something to happen - like a fall - to show the parent that they do need help. It is a last resort move but it doesn't look like you have many alternatives. After you leave, I believe you can ask for a wellness check if you feel it is warranted. Even if he will not open the door for a wellness check at least he is on the systems radar and you have acted responsibly. People who have not been declared incompetent and do not have a guardian are entitled to make bad decisions on their own behalf. As I recall he will not even set up POA financial and medical, so your hands are pretty well tied.
Are you feeing guilty about your decision? Unwarranted guilt seems to be attached to the caregiving genes.
Take care
Get your life back and look after you..