I dress very casually (casual pants, t-shirt, no make-up) while caring for my folks, and have not had the desire to get dressed up, meet men and try to get in a romantic relationship, since my last romantic relationship ended several years ago. Would like to hear opinions from other divorced/single caregivers on dating while caregiving. Is it possible to do both?
What I actually have in mind to make life more affordable in the future is to find a roommate or two and live like the Golden Girls. That seems like it would be fun.
Sorry, for long intro. Guess I'm trying to say that my identity feels different from what many in society do, for I had been lost and misunderstood myself, and received help in adult life, so I offered to help him, and that offer turned into over 35 years! I am a teacher in spirit, if not in profession - and I found myself dedicated when I saw how my brother did finally listen to me, his seizures and outbursts dropped - so I hung in there, and helped him progress safely.
I keep myself well dressed, neat, stylish, as I come from Montreal, and grew up enjoying style. But not particularly sexy, and most casual relationships are only temporarily interesting to me - I feel like a visitor in that world. For I worked hard, loved teaching and learning, and find it not satisfying to go out with men who had no idea of the strategic help I developed and gave. The few times I HAVE met a fun teacher-focused man, who was kind and understood me - I fell head over heels, and missed the cues that he had a girlfriend and was being kind, and likely enjoying flirting. I'd like to do more activities that I enjoy, and feel I might find some companionship there, but I am struggling to arrange my financial life to give me time to do much. Becoming a "jack of all trades" and "master of none" - caught somewhere between cultural shifts across generations, and not being religious - all has left my work skills confusing, as I take a much more long-term, slow, methodical and detailed approach to care than many professionals who study humans in fragments. Now I think I'd like to take Occupationa Therapy or Social Work or Family Therapy, so I can learn and practice to teach what I learned. And write a book! The grad school I completed partially, was in Cross Cultural Studies.
In the process, I set myself up financially, but barely - house rich and cash poor. I have loved working with elders for my paid job, yet often left my own participation in travel or fun, off to the side. Yes, I have felt too TIRED to go out. Now I realize I left out important fun activities, and try to set up a schedule to include and value some of those, even once every two weeks, so am working on making more decisions that care for me too, at this stage, and hope to put together my own blend, now that my brother is in a Nursing Home and also a Brain Injury day program.
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