Oh goodness. So hospice aide called me. Mom's hands and feet are mottled. And I know what that means. I also know it can fluctuate.
She may be having a rally. Actually got out of bed, with great assistance and sat in chair. Spoon fed and ate 50 percent of meal.
Hospice also put her on scopolomine to increase secretions, in this case, swallowing.
Her vital signs do not yet show active phase of dying. I am sorry if this graphic description upsets anyone, but in my view, it helps with expectations. So take in that vein.
We could not be more pleased with our hospice choice. They are so caring and so tender with our mom. And we are thankful.
Heres the prob. Her skin is equivalent of cheapest toilet paper made. Any rubbing could cause significant issues. It might make you feel better, but won't do any thing for her. She is in so much hydro codons now.
And reality note on that front. When they attempt to reposition her, despite all of this hydrocodone, she grimaced and moans. So morphine on the soon horizon. My sib and I are good with.
you must use good CBD products. I naturally assumed that the dispensaries would carry good stuff since weed is legal in this state. But apparently not because the stuff they sell, it takes weeks to get enough in your system to where you feel the affects.
So. No Cbd cream.
It does sound like your mother could be rallying! My MIL actually ate a few big meals in her final weeks, she would go days where she only took a few bites and then one day she asked for a KFC pot pie & ate the whole thing! Following week she ate a big breakfast!
Mama you are a crafty girl. And you, Madame will bear watching. This is so going to help with skin breakdown!!
And seriously, once their skin starts to break down you have to be so careful, particularly over any bony prominence. Knees. Shoulders. Elbows, etc.and of course, that is where they hurt. Our mom has a second Kennedy ulcer on elbow.
But thank you so much for sharing this. And I did not smell anything today. Hospice nurse had already been there and called while we were on our way there. Special bandage ordered and delivered and applied.
This morning, she actually told aides she needed to,use bathroom.so as this other stuff clears her system,she is still somewhere in there.
We know there is not going to be Lazarus here, but kinda interesting. 10 days ago while still on all this med routine, she would not have indicated that urge. Now, she certainly does not get to bathroom on own steam. But.
She is also drinking better. When we first saw her, she told my sister, you have the most beautiful smile, which really got to my sibling, who said thank you. My parents paid for it.
And she tried to wink at me.
Now she is on a shit ton of pain and anxiety meds, so zones out quite a bit. And wants to sleep. But since taking her off all,of these other meds, she is lucid in a different way. Not anything earth shattering,but different.
She is not in pain. Her hands and feet are starting to curl. And they are very cool to the touch. But we had a good day, considering.
Sego,
Kudos for smelling that gas and being persistent. That averted a tragedy for sure.
We were told that a kitty litter box under the bed with my sister would go a long way in absorbing the odors created by a dying body. We also opened windows when is was feasible to replace the air that grows heavy.
I hope that you have a peaceful day and share some happy moments with your mom and loved ones.
Read about synesthesia. I think it's what several of you are talking about. It's a real gift!
Occasionally I thought mom's breath had a weird chemical smell for several weeks before she passed on, and there was definitely a different odour as she lay dying. Nobody mentioned it, but then neither did I.
And Gershun, I was relieved that the nurses at the nursing home had been through this many times before, but nobody took the time to explain to us what was happening, if I hadn't read all the end of life literature I could find I wouldn't have known. You get a phone call at 3 a.m. that they see mottling - uh, it's obvious that's bad or they wouldn't be calling but I only knew what it was because I had educated myself.
Mthr was a hoarder and I can't stand the smell of stuffy, book fungus infested papers. If I receive one, I have to make a copy and put the original in a ziplock bag before trashing it. It triggers those emotions as well.
You might want to get a stinky candle in a smell you don't like to put at your mother's bedside. Perhaps you can avoid the emotional attachment to the smells of hospice and death by connecting the candle with it instead.
So being nutty sniffer has its points.
My brother is in hospital now and I have to hold my hand over my mouth and nose while I'm there.
Segoline, thx for asking. My mom died four years ago May 9th. I'm okay although I was taking an antidepressant the last four years and am now weaning myself off of it. A lot of feelings that I repressed are rearing their ugly heads. At the time I thought taking an SSRI was a good idea and would help with the grief. Now I'm second guessing that whole idea cause I wake up every morning now feeling really depressed and grieving my mom like it just happened yesterday. I think I should have just let myself feel the feelings while it was happening. Ah well, too late now.
*stuffs pheromones in couch.
Oh my gosh thank you. I was in the gifted but weird class. Your post has made me feel so much better. If possible, lol.
It's actually a curse in many ways.numbers as colors,yes. Feelings as colors,yes.
Thank you so much.
I have the super sensitive sniffer too. Smells trigger my asthma so I am very quick to remove myself from a slight odor. Perfumes, flowers, some magazines all set me off with migraines depending on the intensity of the smell. All the while my husband sniffs the air and smells nothing! It's amazing to find someone else with this in common. We too sniffed mthr's memory care before she moved in, and we declined the plug in for her room.
Out of five peeps,I was only one who could smell a smell with my mom. So I read a buncha stuff today. You are at risk for depression. Yah, since I was 12. Thank you author.
You might have schizophrenia if you are only one who can smell something. Intellectually i know this is not true. I do have and always have had, a heightened sense of smell. It was one of main factors in determining a placement for our mom. I've always had this.
Does anyone else have this?
It is so nice to hear from you. Are you ok?
You are good baybee. More than good. Dark thought stuff, no biggie. I am ok. Really I am. I am glad I can override my sister. The relatives who have flown in are good with. I don't make my sister out to be a villain. But we have all had crash course in a kennedy terminal ulcer.
The staff there were very poor communicators. Depending on who was on shift I'd get differing information. I found myself very angry on top of the grief I was feeling. If moving her had been less invasive to her well being I would have done it in a heartbeat.
I was not with her when she passed even though that had been my plan. The one day I left early was the day she chose to leave. That happens often, so I've been told.
What got me was how ignorant the nurses were. I was at the nurses station discussing removal of mom's body to the morgue when a nurse came running over saying "is she not breathing?" Like I said, no communication there.
I found myself having to explain things to the nurses that they should have been explaining to me. Anyway, I pray that all of you have peaceful experiences when you lose your loved ones.
All the best to you Segoline.
Thank you for sharing that Stacey. Very poignant like seg said. I wish I had known what I know now-that these terminal ulcers are not preventable. I still feel guilt over my MILs. I thought we failed her & her partner. First I blamed her partner, assumed he wasn’t turning & moving her, that he was keeping her in the same position 24/7. Then I blamed us all for not helping enough, for not helping him. At the time none of us were aware just how much care she required and how much he was doing for her. Truth is, he really didn’t want our hands on help & we respected that but I will always feel guilty for not being more persistent & going over there more during the day to give him respite. She still would have gotten that damn ulcer and she still would have left us but......I just wish I knew then, what I know now. I would have approached things differently.
Sorry to hijack your post Seg. I hope my comments about your “dark thoughts” didn’t offend you, I am truly sorry if I did. I don’t think your thoughts are dark at all, poor choice of words! Just meant talking about end of life may be a dark subject and bring upon thoughts that some might consider dark. I don’t think it’s a dark subject or thoughts of it are dark, it is all part of life.