I finally told my parents that I am so worn out and sick that I am considering getting an apartment. Background: I am the 'problem child' of the family and my siblings are the royalty. I do get some thanks for what I do, but the others get most of the praise for even the smallest actions that they do. The majority of the care has fell to me - while the others are out having a good time and enjoying activities, I am here often having to fix the dripping faucet, pick up fallen limbs, go to appointments, look after medicines, and get them through illnesses - and deal with negative behavior.
Since I also have some health problems, I am too tired even when I do get a little spare time to participate in anything. I just got one parent through a severe cold, and then siblings come in coughing and sneezing..... and they have no concern about either parent getting their sickness. This type of thoughtless behavior runs rampant in my family. I was told to use ' me sentences' to let them know that a behavior hurt me - but I just get blank looks, with no response at all. My father does seem to have some guilt, but my mother does not care. There are also no boundaries in my family, and I was often told that the family problems were my fault - until a psychiatrist told me that it was a bold faced lie.
So... now that I have mentioned that I want to go on a waiting list for a place, my father keeps coming to me, crying, and begging me not to leave them. Same father who did not want to hear any of my problems when I was a kid. ( Also reminded of how his sister said their dad would cry whenever he wanted one of the kids to turn over their paycheck to him) In his later years, he has
tried to apologize for the benevolent neglect and do somewhat better.
My problem is that I am now in such bad shape that I have had to depend on them for financial help. I think that this is one reason the others show little respect - they tie my self worth in with what type of job and your status in the community. I feel invisible sometimes.
I also know that everyone who knows my family will be blasting me to high heaven for 'abandoning my parents.' I have already heard the minister say that he likes my siblings, but not me. (Since I am the problem child this is not shocking that I would be 'so heartless.')
I would be able to tolerate it if they would just treat their children the same and demand that I get help more often, and actually treat me with a little respect. When I said that I am doing most of the work, they just agree that it's true, but offer no solution. "Well that's just the way your brother is.' Or they will turn it around so that THEY are at a disadvantage because I am the one doing the most.
Yeah, right.
In my town, the waiting list for apartments for elderly or disabled are long because there are so few places ...it could be a long wait.
Sorry for such a complicated rant.
Move out a few belongings at a time, and not a word to anyone. The moment you're ready to take off and not look back, give your parents a one week's notice. Your sibs are going to scream bloody murder, but who gives a s__?
If you decide, however, that you're too financially beholden to your parents then bite your lip and keep living like a doormat. If you go, they'll resent you; if you stay, they'll keep treating you like a doormat and expect you to be grateful.
It's time you respect yourself.
As for you threatening to leave, I know this is family, but if this was outside employment would you stay under the same conditions? Of course not. Everyone gets burnt out doing caregiving, and that is what is happening to you. Time for the changing of the guard, either your siblings step in to help or your parents hire caregivers.