Hi there, I hope this finds you all doing well in the dawn of the new year.
My husband and I are "younger generation" caregivers. My husband just turned 40 and I am a few years behind him. Since we have married 12 years ago and had 3 kids, full time careers and managed to get our degrees, this is the 3rd relative we have cared for--my husband's father.
My FIL is a nice person to your face but can be so horrible to deal with. He is non-compliant, diabetes, morbidly obese, smoker, over eater, in denial and is just about non-ambulatory at this point. Our 3 boys also help with caregiving tasks and sometimes he is so mean and verbally abusive to them. My oldest gets there after school and makes sure his grandpa has a snack and will get his water, take his trash out etc. Then the boys go around the apartment complex and take all the other residents trash out for them and help as they can. With the recent snows they helped dig out sidewalks and checked on the other residents to make sure they all were doing OK.
My FIL has really declined in the last couple of years. He has also alienated his two brothers from him and we were forced pretty much with no other alternatives to take him in when his relationship went down hill with his BIL and SIL in California where he was living (freeloading) at the time.
Of course my husband has a sister who is WORTHLESS. She is so messed up herself and has managed to bleed her dad dry of a $50K inheritance he got. They are both enabling of each other and she hasn't offered to do anything to support her dad ever. It is a better situation she lives multiple states away and never has any money to come and visit.
My husband goes over ever day at 5AM to wrap his dad's legs (he is a ted hose user) for swelling. We don't have freedoms a lot of families in our age range have because we are always having to make arrangements to make sure his dad's needs are met first. I am preaching to the choir here, I know.
The latest issue we have had is with his medical insurance. He is on medicare and the retirement employee group has pulled a fast one with the insurance offerings they have provided. Of course I had to play hooky from an entire day of work and burn HOURS of my cell phone time making calls because he doesn't want to use his (he claims it doesn't work right). I could just go on and on but what it boils down to is that he is up against the wall and doesn't want the VA to take over his medical care but is in a place where the 20% of durable medical he is now responsible for is going to really eat at him plus medicines, etc. My husband is over there right now having a talk with his dad about getting an intake with the VA and thank God we at least have the VA to fall back on. They have a good health care system here once you get established.
I am so glad to meet all of you and hope your New Years are going well and without incidents. If any of you have run into this medicare issue I would love to hear how you have dealt with it. FIL is going to have to cut back even more on his trips to the casino and I am thinking that is what is making him so nasty lately. UGH!
Lately he's taking up telling me how he wants to "fornicate" though he uses a far more ruder term, this woman or that woman....discussions I simply want no part of, cause I feel some of its all in his head, like he has imagined someone meant something that in reality they did not.
But, I do not argue, correct, nor disagree.
rest assured, you aren't the only X'er on this board. There are lots of us but there really are only two kinds of caregivers, those who have help & support and those who don't. Welcome to the site where you can vent, learn, understand and support. Hang out here and you'll gain insight so that won't self-destruct while being a caregiver
Cat