My 89 year old mom is in hospital with uti on adivan, so sleeping, can't take meds, drink or eat, also has asperation pnemonia. On hospice she would not receive blood transfusions, etc. I feel she will go down fast. In the past 10 years as her 24/7 only caregiver I have nursed her back but with a health decline each time. I feel like I'm almost (putting her down) as you would your pet if i choose hospice. I know from past experience she will continue to get UTI's (aggrivating her dementia), antibiotics, then more transfusions due to the antibiotics dropping her blood count (which isn't reproducing on it's own). If the hospital treats her aggressively, they will have to give her adivan to keep her from ripping out IV's and disturbing other patients. I don't know what to do!
Do you happen to know what your mother's views on this matter are? Does she have an advance health care directive? Knowing and respecting her views can often help you deal with the real trauma of having to make a decision.
For example, I was with my mother (late 80s at the time) when her doctor told her she had an internal growth that could be explored with further tests and a treatment plan decided. My mother said, "I have lived a good long life. I am going to die of something, sometime. If it from cancer, soon, I'm ready. I would not go through treatment, so there is no reason for me to know any more about the growth." That gave me a very clear picture of my mother's attitude. I would not choose to put her through aggressive treatment against her will.
I knew my husband's attitude, too. I knew that his disease (Dementia with Lewy Bodies) was eventually terminal, if he didn't die from congestive heart failure first. As long as there was hope for continued quality of life, we went all out to pursue it. When it was clear he was in the final stage of the disease, I called in hospice. I have no regrets at all.
But as I say, it is a personal decision. If you know that your mother would want to fight every inch of the way with all the artillery medical science has, I hope you can see that that happens.
Warm hugs to you as you come to decisions.