My husband bought 2 beers and promised me he would drink one now and the other at night, yeah, right.

Oh dear. In the first paragraph I'm NOT trying to tell you a couple of beers would work out ...

TJ, hugs to you, dear lady.

In our case, I asked the doctor in front of my husband about combining alcohol and his meds. (I didn't want to be the heavy if there were restrictions.) To my surprise he said "limit it to two drinks a day." My husband had never had a drinking problem but he did enjoy wine with a meal or a beer watching a ball game. It worked out just fine for all the years he had dementia. I'm trying to tell you a couple of beers would work out for your husband. Each person is different. If you husband has been a binge drinker or a problem drinker or an alcoholic I'll bet that is very different. Discuss with his doctor, of course. But don't feel like you've done the wrong thing by letting him have alcohol. It could have worked out. How would you or the doctor know in advance?

Seroquel was our first miracle pill, as I've mentioned before. Absolutely go ahead and follow doc's orders to try an increase. My husband took 100 mg once a day, for years. If you're using too little you might as well not use it at all. Let the doctor guide you.

I'd like to echo what several other posters have said: Your number one goal and objective and responsibility at this time is to keep yourself SAFE. I am so glad that you are in touch with his doctor about these rages. Can you keep your cell phone on you at all times, and dial 911 if necessary? If the doctor suggests an in-patient evaluation to adjust meds and it requires you to sign commitment papers, sign them! As our newbie marsalis points out, such evaluations can be enormously helpful in a treatment plan.

I also want to offer a little advice about the situation you describe. I hope I can do it without coming across as judgmental. Your husband's rage is Not Your Fault. It is not because you didn't "handle" it right. You Did Not Cause This.

But maybe a slight adjustment could help reduce risks. If husband buys two beers, expect that he will drink two beers. This is based on past history and also on the fact that his current reasoning ability is seriously damaged. If he promises he will save one of the beers, ignore that. I doubt that his oath would be accepted in a court of law at this point, and you should not accept it either.

So how serious is it if he drinks two beers at once or two spread out over the day? You need to make a decision about that. Is it really worth challenging him about having two at once? If so, the challenge should probably come at time of purchase, or by taking control of one beer and giving it to him later. If it really isn't a Big Deal worth conflict over, then don't mention it. Don't remind him of his "promise" (which he isn't really able to give). Don't spoil his fun with it. Don't get into a conflict. You are still trying to deal with your "real" husband, not this man whose brain is damaged. If you are trying to "teach" him that he has to keep his word and/or that he can't have two beers at one time, save your breath. He is losing his ability to "learn."

Again, I am certainly not blaming you for his rage. Just offering some suggestions for trying to avoid triggering it. And I don't mean this as a substitute for getting medical help with the rage! This is not a DIY project!

I sincerely hope the increase in the seroquel is highly successful. Keep us informed.

Thank you both..

I am new to this forum-I just wanted to say that my MIL had to hospitalize my FIN for rage issues. It turned out that it was just a short stay until they fixed his meds. He's back home and things are much better. Good luck!

Tara, even the doc understands that the rage incidents acnnot happen again! But, they will whenever his meds need to be tweaked more than likely. Unfortunately patterns develop and in this case it is a very dangerous pattern for both of you. The doc sees the danger of them for you! Get hubby in for a psych eval. Let the pros work with him for awhile while you enjoy a few quiet days. Then reevaluate if you are able to care for him at home.

I have just the regular ALZ meeting the 7th of Nov. I will ask around. Just can't picture him in a facility yet. But I know what's around the corner. Thanks.

Tara, it's good that the doctor is tweaking the meds.

I want to encourage you to CALL THE DOCTOR when these incidents happen. Don't wait for a group meeting. When your husband exhibits behavioral symptoms, treat the situation as you would the symptoms of a heart attack or stroke...seek help and advice right away.

As his doctor points out, this kind of incident cannot happen again. YOU cannot live with the stress and fear. Are you researching facilities? Always better to be prepared for the future than to let it surprise you. You may never need to place your dear one, but if you do, better that it be a place of your choosing.

tweak, not tweat Good Golly too early to be talking !!!!

At my meeting last night I spoke with his doctor and told him about the rage incident. He said to increase the seroquel 25 more mg at night for a week and see if that helps. He also said a person can go up to 600 mg in a span of time if need be. He said the rage incident cannot happen again and we will continue to "tweat his meds". To me Seroquel is a miracle drug.

Seroquel also calms many. We have had a very good experience with it. Unfortunately most drugs work differently on different people.

Some of the side effects of Seroquel include aggression and violence. Cannot imagine alcohol is helping. . .

Tara, it sounds like you may be in denial about his alcoholism. There is not a chance of telling an alcoholic no, there is no letting him drink. He is able to do it somehow, someway that you do not know about. A severly ill alcoholic it does not take much alcohol to get the endorphins doing their job. I have walked in your shoes so I do know how very sick these people become and how well they conceal it. I lost my SO a year ago today (he was only 54), he was severely ill with alcoholism, I probably received a gold medal for enabling his behavior. But I was involved with my mom and her hubby for the past four years. I had a very good reason to stay away from SO. I also believe that SO had alcohol dementia. The tell tale sign for me was about 1.5 years ago. He sent something to me in the mail, paperwork that I needed. It was amazing the postal service found me. The envelope was addressed as if a small child had tried to copy the proper format. Return address, stamp, addressee was nowhere close to where they should be on the envelope. It was frightening receiving that mail!

Have you ever attended a Alanon meeting? Do you ever drink with him? Does he think that if you drink it is ok for him to drink? The only way you will ever have of helping him is to stop enabling him and his behaviors. Is his doctor aware of the drinking issue? That is very important for doc to know as it effects everything in his life, especially how his body processes medications.

Another story about my SO. His alcoholism was severe. About 14 months ago, he was found unconscious on the side of a highway. He was transported from one hospital to another, and diagnosed with osteomyelitis, a high risk for alcoholics. Since he was unconscious and the hospitals did not know who to contact, they administed intravenous antibiotics, that alcoholics often are not able to process correctly because of liver damage. The antibiotic caused him to become septic, which led to septic shock because he would not tell anybody about the alcoholism, and they did not know who to call to ask about any sort of history.

I cannot tell you how serious this entire situation is. Take care of you! And to do that, you will need to leave your denial behind, and find the support you need, whatever that may mean.

Tarajane, just keep yourself safe, above all.

Maybe he is a binge drinker. When he can get it he tries to get as much as he can but it is always just but he promises me he won't drink them together but he does. I know in his earlier years he did love a beer buzz as well as the hard stuff. He grew up around that all his life. He raised tobacco and when it came time to sell it there was always a great celebration. He had access to Moonshine because we are from the hills of KY.. I couldn't be around him 24/7 those days. I went to school and he worked. I think he is an alcoholic. I KNOW he would be if I let him. I go to a meeting tomorrow night and the doctor he goes to for his memory will be there taking questions from our group. I will get to talk to him there without him being there. I will let you know. Well, I did enjoy these last few weeks and if they are coming to an end we will try something else.

I would discuss the matter with his doctor and see about having him hospitalized to get his medication adjusted. That way he could be in a controlled environment while they get his meds right. They would be in a position to protect him from himself and others while this is being done. There doesn't seem to be any other safe way to monitor him.

Tara, so he is bad again. He was ok for awhile? Are guns still in the house? Is he an alcoholic? Is that the elephant in the room nobody is talking about. I was just at a presentation this morning where they talked about dementia associated with alcoholism. It is nearly impossible to treat effectively. One os the caregivers there talked about how she let her husband have a beer when they went to dinner with friends just a few nights ago. Because with friends she did not want to embarass her husband by telling him no to the beer. She has done this before and suffers the consequences for many days following the beer consumption. His behaviors change drastically!

I will tell you again that YOU need to get out of there, drive away call 911, tell them what is going on warn them about guns in the house. And get away! Let the pros deal with getting him into the hospital for a geriatric psych assessment. I do not want to hear about the tragic story unfolding right in front of you because you are afraid to get the help you need. Yes it is embarassing, but remember it is the disease that is making him act this way to say nothing about possible interaction between the beers and seroquel!

You're worried that he wouldn't survive? What about you surviving? Get on the horn and contact his doctor immediately, tell him/her what is happening. Maybe an increase in meds might help or a change in meds.

Tarajane, you are caught between a rock and a hard place. You want what is best for hubby but you don't want to be in the middle of the cross fire. So sad as you know it is his memory issues doing the talking and not him. Is it fair? Of course not. But you need to keep yourself safe, and have plans on what to do in case he becomes violent.