My mother is 80 years old and has been in Assisted Living for 2 years. She is able to take care of most of her personal needs; however, she cannot cook for herself nor take her meds by herself. Both of these needs are reasons why I had to sell her home and move her into Assisted Living. I lost both my father at an early age, 48, due to a brain tumor and my brother, also at an early age, 44, due to alcoholism. My mother has had quite a rough life, and I cannot seem to make it much better. I was dx with Multiple Sclerosis in 2008 had to leave my public job in 2012 due to disability, My physicians have strongly stated that I cannot take care of my mother physically, mentally or emotionally. By doing so, exacerbation of MS symptoms are likely to occur.
Even knowing that I should not take care of her, I cannot get beyond the guilt of having to move her into a nursing home, but I don't know of any other options . . . This decision is absolutely breaking my heart . . .
If the issue is she needs more help than AL offers, that is one thing but why wont Medicaid pay for AL if that is all that is required?
Are you having to move her now because $ from the house has been depleted? Or is her physical ability that met AL care is now lacking? If you still have funds, you might ask social worker about another facility that provides a little more care before reaching the NH level. If you've run out of funds and NH is her only option, just try to make her new room as homey as they will allow and visit often to help her settle in.
You made the Best Decision! Your description of her needs are things AL can address, and are much less restrictive an environment than a NH.
Is she close enough to vist? If not, call the church of her faith, or any with a Community or Senior Outreach Program. My uncle ran such a program in AZ...they served every one..not preachy.
It sounds like helping her network. To make friends inside & outside the facility. Have visitors..some who can just take her to coffee or a park for a walk, or go shopping..or window shopping.
These are the things that will make her AL place a home. Part of a Community. This is what you can do! Do it gradually so neither of you is overwhelmed by the work or the changes.
I hope you will then reach out and di the same for yourself. Reaching out now. Finding kind people, those who have shared or related experiences, and being familiar with resources you will need in the future will be a big help for you.
Don't you or your Mom feel like a burden. People out there are looking to have purpose in their lives, be less isolated, be helpful to their neighbors. They can't do that if no one invites them in!
Knowledge, friendship, love...have little value if they are not shared. Open the doors.
I did research and found a Private Care Nursing Facility. I am from Texas so I don't know if you have any where you are from. But they are small nursing homes, usually with 15 patience or less set up in private homes. They also run much cheaper usually then an actual nursing home and depending on if your mother qualifies some of the cost can be taken even of by government programs. The home I put my mother in helped me look into my options. My mother quickly settled in, even tho she had Alzheimer's and the transition was a little rough at 1st. She was able to get up and walk all around the house and outer gated back porch area. She even got involved with helping take care of the sweet older lady in the room with her who couldn't get out of bed at all. It really became "home" to her and I was able to go regularly to see her, play games with her and take her on outings with me. I would highly recommend a home like this. But do your research and visit the place 1st to make sure it is something you feel.comfortable with.
I really feel the move was the best decision for my mother as well as for me. In fact I think that the whole process was harder on me then it was on Mom. I had always wanted to be able to take care of my mom and give her the best care possible. When I finally came to realize that giving mother the best care possible was doing exactly what I did, putting her somewhere where she could get the proper care she needed to keep her as safe and healthy as her and my circumstances allowed, I was able to get over the normal feelings of guilt and enjoy what time I had left with my dear sweet mother. Sorry to be so wordy and I hope this is helpful to you.
Some independent, and assisted living places have on site care you can purchase or you can also bring in someone. This can be less costly than full range care. Medicaid can help support long term care. Shop carefully, and dont judge a book by the cover. Eldercare may have a list of things to look for and consider. Also look at medicare ratings and reviews.
You cant change your mothers past life circumstances, you can positively effect your life. Enjoy visiting her.
Supportive Living appears to be unique to Illinois. I was unable to find anything in AZ...search only provided me with info about IL. Too bad, it is a much needed idea,
If those were the only two issues then she may have been able to stay in her home instead of going to AL.My dad after having a stroke in 2017 and not having use as his left hand couldn't cook or do his meds.I arranged for a program called Meals on Wheels and he gets lunch and dinner Mon to Fri.He is able to fix cereal,Danish etc for breakfast,and thankfully can manage tv dinners or prepared meals on the weekends.
My dad is a veteran and was able to get a medicine holder that not only is easy to open but speaks and goes off twice a day to remind him to take his meds.It will continue to go off until you push a button.He also has a nurse twice a month to fill the med holder as well as check his vitals etc.A CNA/HCA 4vdays a week.I know this is a mute poi t now but I just wanted you to know what options there are.As far as moving your mom. Your doing what is neccessary and not what is convenient.Don't beat yourself up.
There may be other facilities that could be used as well, depending on the state you live in. We have my mother in a supportive living community here in IL. It is supported by some state assistance so it is about $2200 a month cheaper than where she was living. They don't provide skilled nursing care but there are nurses there that give medications, and they have caregivers, My mother is ambulatory at this point, and goes down to the dining room 3 times a day for meals and goes to play bingo. It is very much like AL, but when she runs out of money, Medicaid will then start paying for her and she can remain there as she declines. They don't provide skilled care or therapy so if she needs skilled nursing or if she falls and breaks a hip and needs rehab she would have to go elsewhere at least temporarily but for now, this works well. I just googled "Supportive Living" and there were several websites that talked about it so you could perhaps find a community near where you live.
up: you don’t deserve that. Everyone must take care of the self first; otherwise you won’t be able to help anyone! Peace & some serenity to you! 💗