My 88 y.o. mom lives in an ALF. She wears Depends pull-ups like most of the residents there but taking mom out for a visit with us or a trip to her hair-dresser is becoming a problem. We always ask the aide on duty to be sure to ask mom to use the toilet before she is picked up. Mom is now having more frequent bowel movements anyway. I am ashamed to say this, but my sister and I both have "weak stomachs" and have a hard time cleaning mom up. We don't want to embarrass mom but cleaning her up is hard. (I do it if I have to but in public restrooms there is very little room to take off her slacks and Depends to clean her and put clean Depends and her slacks back on--even in the larger handicap stalls. I feel confused and guilty b/c I know that taking mom out to lunch, to a dentist or doctor's appt or hairdresser is getting harder to manage. Does anyone else have this problem? Any suggestions?
What I carry on outings / keep close at hand in the bathroom:
Large squirt bottle ( I re-used a dish liquid bottle), sometimes baby wipes.
1 roll of bounty ( to clean toilet seat and wipe outside wet bottom and inner thighs)
Gloves (medical grade)
Plastic bags (for containment of soiled undies).
A change of clothing including socks (you never know how far the prob can travel).
When out and about:
The undies with "stripper" side release are quickest and easiest for all involved to remove.
Bottle (any squirt bottle will do) fill it with mild soap and warm water have her bend forward (squirt) then lean back with legs open (squirt).
Wipe with bounty or baby wipe (they smell nicer) and she can use them on her hands as well during the cleaning process.
I also convinced her to add a pad to her panties. If the prob is light the pad can be quickly removed and replaced (without changing diaper panties).
I find visual cue's work best. Go through the motion you want them to imitate such as wiping, washing hands etc.
Women need to keep their nails sport length or shorter as often poop gets under the working hands nails if they they clean themselves.
Also watch for long sleeves cuffs) that get soiled in the process if they clean themselves.
Depending on her med's and food intake bowels move on a regular basis particular to the person.
Keep track of the movements as you would a puppy.It will help predict events.
My mom goes every other day, all day ( no matter what she eats or drinks).
This perfectly natural for her.Everyone is different.
It begins an hour after after breakfast so I prepare for the storm that will hit first with light flurries than with gale force.
Laxative dependancy is something you want to consider if you use them.They often make a bad situation worse but are used in some facilities to regulate clients on a schedule and in home care where elders complain of not being able to go.Bowel fixation is a common malady.
Once the body's eliminators give up most people aren't even aware they are going nor are they aware of the odor.
A one to 3 hour schedule of changing protective pants or pads is a safe bet against offending escapee's.
Bed protection:
I buy full size, inexpensive plastic backed bed pads for my mother's twin bed.
They protect the sides of the mattress.They wash and dry easily and quickly and are easier to remove because they are oversized.
Your tummy: will get used it........we can all vouch for that.
I'd be careful with the anti-diarrheals since they might give her grief afterwards and returning to normal stools.
You may just have to make tactical plans .. before you go somewhere, make sure they HAVE an accessible stall. Bring with you everything you need to help clean up any mess (we have a 'ready' bag .. a backback filled with all the necessities). Ask the aides if she has a time of day when she normally does NOT need to move her bowels, and schedule your appointments accordingly. There are disposable wash towels, that you add hot water to the container. There are hand-held bidets. Have a training session (or two or three) with her aides to help you cope with the actual cleaning (how would THEY handle it, in similar situations). If it becomes more and more difficult to handle/control, you might consider enlisting an aide to accompany you on your trips.
If it's the case that she has frequent diarrhea, maybe it's a response to meds and other conditions that are treatable (maybe it's not "situation normal" .. worth having it checked out with the doctor).
I am sorry to hear that your mom is having problems with incontinence. Here are a few articles that deal with this health problem specifically that I thought might help you understand incontinence better.
Incontinence and Bladder Control
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/An-Overview-of-Urinary-Incontinence-96655.htm
How to Control Incontinence
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/managing-incontinence-144710.htm
How-To Handle Awkward Incontinence Incidences
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/handle-incontinence-incidences-148442.htm
Hope these help!