I have just lost my oldest daughter to lung cancer, She was only 35 and a non smoker, I was divorced after a long term marraige about four years ago. I thought that my life was over then and it took a long time to heal from that, A year and a half ago my daughter was diagnosed with lung cancer, She fought bravely but died almost one month ago. I dont know how to do this. Nothing is real or feels right, I see a therapist but I feel like I am watching someone else live my life,Eileen
I'm so sorry for your loss and that your daughter is dying so young.
I am 25 years old and i just lost my mother of cancer. The last moths were like staring in a thriller that would go worse and worse every day. I was her caregiver and had to watch her fade day by day without the ability to do anything keep her. I dropped everything in my life and stood by her for every extremely difficult minute of this unbearable illness, the last months were like i was taking care of a beautiful small child, In the last days she couldnt even remember my name. I love my mother more than anyone.. much more than myself. I know that some loses are more natural then others but I am sure that the ones that stay behind live an excruciating endless pain and this is the hardest path because our beloved ones are in a better place now, let us be the ones to carry all this heavy burden and may they be in peace.
That's one of the things I hate about dates. It's really just another day, but for those who have lost a loved one, especially a child, those dates can be a giant weight on our hearts.
I don't know how to make it easier. Can you go to a church and light a candle for her. Maybe just plant something in her memory, a special garden for you to tend. I don't know if that would be comforting or hurtful.
How are her children doing. I hope you are in their lives and can see her in them. That is a special gift that she left your family and the world.
A date is 24 hours. You will get through it. Tomorrow is another day and one to look forward too.
My heart goes out to you. Love, Cattails.
Kindest Regards.
C......
No one can truly understand your loss, but yourself, because of the journey you took with your daughter, as she travelled the final road.
However, take heart and be at peace, with yourself, that she is in a better place, where there is no pain or suffering.
Her suffering had ended, but your pain of loss will be there for sometime, however, you take consolation, in the fact of her relief of pain and suffering and you heal yourself with the knowledge that she is in a better place.
Life will never be the same, and no one can ever get use to death, no matter how many times you encounter it, it never gets easy, however, if we look at it in the as a person's passage to eternal happiness, that brings us consolation.
I lost both my parents, about 24 years ago, three months apart, and it was a time of limbo for our whole family, however, what brought us the strength to carry on was our faith and our prayers and our belief that there were both in a better place. It took me three years to come to terms with my Dearest Mother's death, however, eventually it did happen, how - we stopped thinking of her death and began to think of her life and the wonderful things she did for us, as we were growing up and the reason why Christmases were so special, especially to her and that kept her close, to us, in our hearts and slowly eased the pain of loosing her.
She still today is very much a part of all our lives and she always will remain so, as long as we keep her in our hearts and keep on remembering the times when she was with us and thanking God for all those times.
I wish you my deepest condolence on your loss and I pray that you will find the strength to carry on - which I am sure your beloved Daughter would have wanted.
All my love and prayers
Annie
I lost my father and my sister to cancer as well. I honestly wanted to "go with my father" when he died 3 weeks before my college graduation. I felt that life was over. Nothing was the same. Streets that seemed full of people, suddenly seemed desolate. Nothing had the same taste...I had no appetite...I went down to 87 lbs...water would not even stay in my stomach...
Then...I heard a voice that told me I had work to do before my work was finished and I could leave this life. My task is to help those that are in need.
Perhaps you have another name for "God", but whatever it may be...this is the only thing that will carry you through the kind of grief you are suffering from. My mother suffered greatly after the loss of her first born child. I watched her go from desperately grief stricken...back to the strong anchor of the family after my father's death...and God gave her that kind of strength.
We can't carry this type of grief alone...we need a higher power to give us the strength to make it through...and then go out and counsel other mothers who have lost their children.
I've told my story mostly by posts to HelloKitty who was feeling guilty about the care of her elderly parents...but I haven't spoken much of the deaths I have lived through in my immediate family...until I read your note...
I hope my words...spoken with sincerity...have helped you in some way.
I'm sorry for your loss. The type of loss that you experience is the one we most dread. However in my short 28 years of life, I feel like a whole lifetime has been forced into my head. I feel tired, I feel 60 and I feel sick of certain things with this life. I'm not bitter, I have 3 kids and I'm married. My kids are what keeps me going and if for some reason they weren't here anymore I'd be waiting for the day I die. At least that's how I thought up until my Mom was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in January (terminal). It's a torture to see my mom die slowly in front of me, she's got months but I asked her today how long she feels she has left and she says "weeks". I am not going to give up and I told her she can't either until we win or lose. When I said that I realized that it should apply to the way we live life no matter what problems cross us. We have to make sure we don't give up no matter what the outcome. God will recognize our efforts, he will know that we appreciate the life he gave us. Take Care buddy and hang in there because that's the right thing to do.
Daniel