He spent only two weeks on hospice. I wish we had called them sooner. I think he surprised hospice at how fast he declined. My mother’s grief is hard to witness. I cry more in sympathy with her than for my own grief. They were married 67 years. We are worried about her.
What a sweet memory of your mother. My brother played Taps on a trumpet he borrowed. He had not played one for years. That was so poignant as my father started his military career as a Drum Major and trumpet player in the Air Force Drum and Bugle Corps.
We never considered not taking my mother, we were just so worried about how she would endure it. She was a warrior. She behaved as any widow would burying her husband.
I too, have a sweet moment to relate. After the two honor guards folded the flag, one of them knelt in front of her to present the flag (what a thoroughly moving ritual!). She had been stoic while they folded it, but burst into tears when he began the “on behalf of a grateful nation....” speech. At that moment every great grandchild in attendance ran and surrounded her like little butterflies, hugging and consoling her. The nearby adults just stepped back and let them do what they knew she needed. I’ll never forget it.
I am sorry for the loss of your dad.
I saw your post about your mom being in a wheelchair. My MIL was in a wheelchair when FIL passed. She had dementia and cancer. But she did fine. The visitation with an open casket was hard on her. Each time she saw him it was a shock. So we positioned her chair near him but not facing the casket so she could great visitors.
He had a military funeral. When taps played she stood and placed her hand on her heart to honor the flag. We were all in awe of her sudden ability to just stand, the unexpected response to the taps and her quiet dignity. She died one month and one day later. It never occurred to us not to take her to his funeral.
Thats been eleven years ago.
I know it must be incredibly hard, I remember when my own Mom went through it after losing my Dad, but through it they do get with the Loving help of you, family members and friends. Now is the time to surround her with your loving arms, tell how much you Love her, and try to keep her busy doing things she enjoys, difficult I know as you miss him too.
I will be praying for you and your family during this difficult time, take care! Stacey b
My nearby family has around 45 members covering four generations and this is the first death we have suffered. The first funeral that we had to plan. We have attended faraway funerals of other extended family but none in which we were so emotionally invested. He was the patriarch of the family.
You would not believe how much this forum has helped me in some of the caregiving decisions we made over the last years, especially the End of Life ones. Yes, we are allowing our mother to grieve in whichever ways she wants. We just sit with her. And pray with her. And remind her that she doesn’t need to concern herself with or fear the future - just today. Stay in Today. Stay in the Now. Feel God’s comfort in the Now, along with her daughter’s hand in hers.
It is strange how she has survived these initial five days. It is as if the intense mental pain has cut through the fog of dementia and bipolar disorder, and she has moments of clarity that I have not seen in years. I am concerned about her surviving the funeral. I will be contacting her psychiatrist to see if he should prescribe her something for that day. She already takes some powerful medications for her bipolar disorder. Does anyone have any suggestions or experience with bringing their aged parent to the funeral of their spouse? She is in a wheelchair, (two person assist), incontinent, and on oxygen also,
For now, spend as much time as you both need to express your grief, and think instead of wishing you had gotten hospice involved sooner, that you did the right thing, at the right time, and could have been the best gift you could give to your father to ease his last days.
Peace to you and your mother. May you find ways to comfort each other as you move forward.
May God grant you all, especially your mom grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.
67 years is a beautiful testimony to their love.
I am so sorry for the loss of your father. It’s completely understandable that you are concerned about your mom. They were married for so very long. She is blessed that you care so much about her.
Hugs to you and your Mom.