Other people behaving badly...

I've been watching the snowboarding.

I have to look between my fingers. They are all as crazy as a box of frogs. They are going to land on their HEADS and snap their necks.

At least with skiing I know from personal experience that more or less the worst that can happen is your elegant downhill run ends in undignified disaster as you land upside down in a snowdrift and are identifiable only by your little salopetted legs waving your skis in the air. But these boys and girls are twizzling around dozens of feet up over hard packed ice - I have to switch channels to the curling just to calm down. And even that gets a bit tense. Quite slowly, but tense all the same.

I have solved a little puzzle but am no further forward.

Note: My friends and I are no longer six years old. We just behave like it sometimes. The context is A Birthday Party.

There are five people in the dramatis personae including me, though I'm staying well out of it unless I can think of anything helpful to do. The others are: V, J, and T(f) & M(m). We have all known each other for upwards of thirty years, ever since our respective offspring were tiny tots.

T & M were finally divorced about fifteen years ago. It had taken quite a while, several years, because M, the husband, rejects divorce on religious grounds and still considers himself morally if not legally married. T remarried some years ago, I don't know how many.

About a year ago, ish, J embarked on a relationship with M. Sigh... Anyway, she did. She is the world's worst picker. Nothing against M himself, you understand, he's a lovely if slightly intense chap; but if you wanted a nice, easygoing, reliable, uncomplicated relationship to see you safely into later middle age he'd be about 999,999th most eligible. Mainly because he does not consider himself free to commit to a new partner and has never said otherwise.

Now then. V has a major birthday party this year and consulted both me and J about venue ideas. It is going to be quite a big bash.

J and M's relationship ran into trouble at the end of last year. It's become on-off and causes her (and her long-suffering audience, alas) no end of grief.

J's version of events is that a month ago, during a small social evening together, V announced that she had decided on arrangements for her party and that, because T wouldn't like it, J would not be invited. "I can't invite you without upsetting T" were the words, apparently.

J was very hurt when she told me about this. I couldn't make sense of it. Supposedly V was thinking that T didn't want to have anything to do with J because J was going out with T's very firmly rejected husband - you can't get much firmer than doggedly pursuing divorce from him over several years, after all. So why would T care? And why would V care about T caring? Whose party is it, anyway? Didn't make any sense.

Then, yesterday, I happened to call V about something unrelated; and she herself said "my party's going to be in Walton-on-Thames, I expect J told you about it." No sense in her tone or her words that J wasn't invited. Eh?! I mumbled something and changed the subject.

So J thinks she is not invited and is very upset. V seems to think that J not only is invited but is telling everyone else when and where it is. Their wires are very crossed and quite possibly live to boot. Not touching them.

The penny dropped yesterday evening. V doesn't want J *+M* coming to the party. T might well feel uncomfortable if her bloody ex-husband who was such a PITA to get rid of turns up.

So what V *ought* to have said to J is "you can't bring M, make sure you don't, I mean it, and no not even if everything has gone all rosy in the garden again come July."

Now even that in itself is not totally straightforward. In the early heady days, J proudly took M on her arm to another friend's - a woman M had never met, ever - mother's funeral and then wondered why the friend was so stand-offish. "Love me, love my man" very much the attitude, and let me tell you it can be quite a trial considering some of the men it's involved in the past.

The party is months away and nothing to do with me anyway so I'm not touching it with a stick. It's just that frustration that I know something they could both do with knowing and wishing I could knock their heads together without hurting them.

Becky, that makes a lot of sense, to think about it in the terms of small town that never had any issues (rolling my eyes a little because there are always issues, such as perhaps some dysfunction behind closed doors that no one else sees.... imho...) until you brought this incident around. Did the mentally ill lady hit any of them? No, she hit you. I'd say you more than "took it on the chin" for all of them and they should be thankful. Like I said before, I think you're a local hero for this act of involuntary self-sacrifice.

Wishing you healing, and peace, and lots of both.

Ali, In Maine no matter how long one lives here, if you come from another state you're from "away". If something bad happens in a neighborhood and you're from "away" chances are good you'll get blamed rightly or wrongly. Small towns...

I'm happy to be at the lake. It's quiet, peaceful and extremely safe. Out on the lake it's frozen solid. Camp Watch and the Warden Service patrol every hour or so - looking for illegal ice fishermen. And this is a gated community with 24/7 armed guards and gate with guard. Very quiet and safe. I'm glad to be here.

Becky, I saw your post about this woman but honestly didn't know what to say. Short of punching her in her stupid face, how does one respond to such a thing? Grr. I'm happy you can get yourself to a more peaceful place. You deserve it and you need it. 

Edit:  I've been in one physical fight in my life with another woman, a bestie.  We got into it one time then didn't talk for 5 years.  Now we're besties again, haha.  I'm not a hitter, of course not, but there are no words in the world that can put someone that foolish in their place.   That's what I meant.   

Madge, I've seen some other random comments/articles about Olympics but not that one.   That's a good story! 

I'm enjoying the olympics and dragging my feet to go help put the Viking to bed

Did anyone see the men's cross country race ?
The Norwegian fell at the start but got up dead last and worked to regain the lead and won the gold

Becky,
Omg - I don't understand people sometimes

I appreciate your words, all of you, more than I can say. Thank you.

Gershun, thanks for relating. Somehow it's so very helpful to know you and others "get it." Some days I'm fine but my surge of anxiety does seem to coincide with how much I'm trying to do. If I just relax and sleep, well, strangely enough I don't have panic attacks. Hahahahahah! And I think I was "self-medicating" for a long time these past 6 years or so of caregiving where I would sleep extra as needed, give my brain time to calm down, but as many on here know, I still struggled often with health/mental health issues.

Lately things have been so tough. Seems at some point during every single day, and sometimes it seems to last all day, I'll be miserable -- achy, bone-tired, sick to my stomach, chest pains, etc., etc. Every dang day.

The good news is that I feel better yesterday and today than I did on Friday night when I was posting on here about the anxiety. Oof, I was struggling on Friday eve. I had a panic attack complete with tears and agitation so bad that the idea of hitting myself in the head with a bat actually sounds like welcome relief, to just knock myself out, so I took Valium (ended up taking 2, which is unusual, but 1 didn't seem to be enough) and that helped me and I was able to sleep.

Cdn, thank you so much. I think the new thyroid med is helping because the past 2 days, I don't feel quite as horrible as I have been feeling when I wake up. I get up in the mornings just a tad easier. Long may it last, fingers crossed this is the med starting to work some magic. :-)

And for whatever reason we get to a place where emotional pain is converting to physical symptoms... if that even is what's happening... does it really matter WHY it happens? If you're in pain, then you're in pain! If you can't think straight, can't function well, you're struggling through your routine tasks, etc., does it matter WHY? I suppose it does if somehow knowing why would help you to prevent the anxiety, but if someone a doc says to me -- "You have generalized anxiety disorder due to growing up in a stressful, dysfunctional family, and you triggered a very bad recurrence of it by caregiving to your absentee, abusive father."

Ok, great, there's my WHY, but it doesn't help me right now. :-) And I'm truly not sure why I have this anxiety sticking around even after I'm done with caregiving now. I told another poster here that I don't believe that feelings hurt us in physical ways but I could be really wrong about that. I don't know how to heal what's happened in the past, but I can take better care of myself now and going forward, and I think I'm doing that.

It's been interesting, though: I thought caregiving life would end and I would be this energetic person again. And I'm so not. Something has changed. Maybe due to the wear and tear of past 6 years but also maybe just some physical changes as I've gotten older. WHO KNOWS. And it doesn't matter to me. I just want to feel ok. :-) And so much has been changing quickly. Even a few months ago, I thought I would be heading in a different direction with employment, etc. I think I'm exactly where I should be right now, though. I have work that doesn't require too much from me and I can baby step back into being a healthier person. All is well. :-)

Thanks. I'm very fortunate to have support from you guys. I appreciate you. 💜

I was outside today getting some fresh air. A lady from down the street stopped on the sidewalk and started talking. She asked me if I was proud of myself for ruining their quiet neighborhood by attracting the nutty lady to the neighborhood. I was so stunned by her remark I didn't know what to say. I finally said "this woman has lived in this neighborhood her entire life. I didn't bring her here". Pj was in back and heard the conversation. He asked if she needed someone to help her get home. I packed up some things and had PJ bring me to the lake. I did not need this today. Getting completely moved to the lake is my new goal.

Dear Gershun,

Please don't let any doctor let you think its all in your head. I would definitely drop them and get a second or third opinion. There is so much that goes on with the mind and body, I don't think doctors even know sometimes.

Dear Ali,

I am so sorry to hear how you feel. I hope this new med makes the difference. I too had similar feelings but I think it was associated with my grief and some general depression as well. Please let us know how are you doing.

Gershun, Unfortunately there are physician's who fall back on the "it's all in your head" diagnosis. Frustrating to be their patient. It's difficult to not be heard by the person you trust with your healthcare.

It sounds like you might have generalized anxiety disorder Ali. I was diagnosed with that. It just means that sometimes you feel anxious when there is nothing you can pinpoint you might be feeling anxious about.

I occasionally take Ativan but what I take is the smallest dose you can get and I have been told at that low a dose it's like a placebo effect. Either way, just knowing I have it sometimes helps me if I feel like I might be getting a panic attack.

I relate a lot to the things you describe Ali. I've been to doctors who basically make me feel like it's all in my head. Maybe it is. Who knows. I am going through menopause and that might have a lot to do with it in my case.

Becky, happy for you that you are home and safe!

There you have your explanation for feeling this way.
There is a storm headed for Chicago, high pressure system,
and high barometric pressure too?

So turn on some music and dance-after you eat Ali!

If it gets really bad, distract yourself with t.v. Not the news.

I really don't have all the answers, maybe someone else knows about having anxiety.

Becky, I'm glad you're home, and I hope you can begin to put all this behind you.  ((((hugs))))

Send, it's been one week I'm taking low dose of Levothyroxin, yep. 

I'll get over the front door. I hate tramping directly into the kitchen - we still have tons of snow on the ground and the front is easier. We have an attack Yorkie - truly vicious. She does bark quite loudly.

I'm glad that woman is locked up. I will never again not follow my best instincts. I was uneasy about her before anything happened. PJ printed off all of the stuff she's done. She has a long and troubled history. Terrorized her sister on several occasions, stole money from her mother, stole a car from a neighbor, tons of other stuff. She must have given us incorrect information on her intake forms, because we got none of that information. I am simply happy that she is locked up. I find it hard to believe that therapy would have helped her. Although she was insistent that therapy would allow her to her to have breakthrough. I think there are some individuals who cannot be helped because they don't believe they are the problem. All I heard in group was how horrible her sister and mother were. I had a bad mother and a bad brother but at least I had enough sense to break those ties. Of course, they kept coming back, but I tried.

My stepson's have been really nice. Food, flowers, DVD's. Grandson who is normally here is staying with his cousins until Sunday evening. Stepson with restaurants has told me to order anything I want over the weekend while the housekeeper is off. Housekeeper came over with a cinnamon berry Apple pie (it's my great aunt's recipe and my favorite). Best thing about being home - sitting outback on the porch for a minute. Everyone have a good evening.

Thanks, Send. I'm feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin lately. Only at times. Not sure why. I'm struggling. Communicating on here -- and communicating in general -- is more difficult. I took Valium tonight but I've been trying to keep use to a minimum, hoping my body/brain will come up with its own balance instead of medicating, but...

I know I'll be fine, just don't know why I'm SO uncomfortable sometimes lately. I type things out... and I delete them. I've always been like that to some degree but more so lately. I can't stand it. It's an anxiety attack I think, low grade, just don't know why. Anyway. Thanks.

Ali,
Was it you who started thyroid?
It is a hormone, it may take awhile, or might not have the right dose yet??

My reading comprehension is at an all time low, I think, and that's saying a lot for me. lol Didn't even see about the front door experience.

I would be very jumpy, too, Becky, in your shoes. That's part of what I'm trying to say. I would need time to adjust after the attack. So I hope you give yourself everything you need, whatever it is, to help heal and adjust. This might take time and effort to truly recover from.

....

Not to make this about me, not at all, but I'm really lousy this week and just LATELY in general. My brain is all mish mash and I don't feel good pretty much ever anymore. Not sure what to do. So far my way of dealing is to drag into work and go through the motions. Thankfully, the people I work with are some of thee nicest, so that's a blessing.

Yes, done. Put the papers in a safe place. Away, if you can.

So sorry your return home was scary at the front door.
Well, I don't care if your assailant is mentally ill, I am so angry at that criminal for you!
Talking forever about sympathy for her, understanding mental illness, being compasionate for the poor mentally ill has it's place in the community and in families.
Changing the system would also help.

However, all that has no place in your recovery from the horrible thing that has happened to you. If at all possible, Becky, I want you to start coming and going through that door within 3 days, saying something positive out loud about your strengths.
Plant some spring flowers out there (or ask to have them planted for you).
Always be safe. Sign up when you are better for a self defense class, carry pepper spray, do not be embarrased to be hypervigilant when you come and go to your car.

You are brave, you must continue to be brave. I would buy a german shepherd guard dog just about now. You don't have to move, but wouldn't a visit to the lake be wonderful?
Rest up.
Nite if you are going to bed early.
May God send His angels of protection to surround you now.

p.s.  Ali, some good points, I just saw your post, don't erase it!  I wish I had more compassion, like you.

Oh, Becky. I'm sure your poor body and psyche have just had ENOUGH for a while. I second Golden's advice to just take it easy for as long as you need to, but really as long as you can (my 2 cents). If nothing horrible is going to happen if you take extra extra extra time off, please do that.

Getting busy with a productive distraction can help one get through, too, so I guess you'll do whatever you feel is best... but after so much chaos, I'd just want some quiet for as long as I could get it, I think. I'm happy you have love and support in your life. That makes a big difference, I think.

I've been thinking a sorta twisted thought about your attacker and this incident. In a way, you did a great community service, haha. You will recover from this awful thing, but it was the catalyst to getting a troubled and dangerous person off the streets. You're kind of a local hero, the way I see it. Hahah. Hope you don't mind the weird sense of humor lol. I seriously have been thinking it's very good that you weren't hurt worse and also very good that this person won't be able to harm anyone else.

Please take care of yourself.

They used that spray on bandage stuff. Told me not to wash my hair until Monday (which will drive me nuts - I wash my hair everyday). But I'm not sure there's anything important to leak out anyway. I couldn't go thru the front door when we got home - it freaked me out. Went around to the side kitchen door. Want to get moved to the lake as soon as possible. Courier service brought me court documents on nutty lady. She was found to have serious and significant mental deficiencies and posed a present and continuing danger to the community. So that is done.

Hope nothing important leaks out of the holes in your head Becky.

In any case, take it easy the next while. I guess you got off light with only a blue boot and holes in your skull, says she with sarcasm.

When they said what they were going to do, I had visions of something Doc on Gunsmoke would do

Send I pinched him on the butt yesterday and he never returned. I explained to him that I was practicing for nursing home placement and future bad behavior. Almost home - PJ’s in the pharmacy getting my prescriptions.

I suppose they have advanced techniques since neolithic times and ancient trepanning. The old instruments and process always fascinated me.

Great escape Becky! Are you a Viking?
So very happy for you that you got out of there. A hospital is not for you!

Did the doctor who you signaled with your middle finger write the discharge order?  

I was going to type what Becky just described. It really is a simple proceedure even if it sounds horrible and no one volunteers for some thing like that. It does relieve the pressure and the headaches. of course you should not attempt anything streuous when you get home but there should not be any after effects.

Golden, It was this tiny thing, looked like a needle. Technically a drill I guess; I heard an electronic noise. They used a syringe to remove the fluid. Took a half an hour start to finish. Didn't hurt at all. I'm packed up and ready to go. PJ has made two trips to the car with a cart taking plants I wanted to keep. I had him take the rest of the cut flowers to the volunteers desk for them to distribute.
I gave the nurses station a couple of boxes of candy I'm not supposed to have. I cheated and kept one box that I knew PJ and his grandson like.

Yes, I suppose. I thought that they kept people who had had that procedure in fora few days. Drilling holes in your skull is pretty invasive.

Golden you are better at home where those nasty hospital bugs can't hop into your open wounds!