I adored my Mom. Even though it was extremely hard to care for her at times and my patience was tested at times I wouldn't change a thing, except having her live longer.
I'd love to hear from all you who adore your parents, sacrifice for them, tear your hair out for them and because of them but wouldn't change a thing about them cause they are so dear to you or they were so dear to you.
Come on here and sing their praises!!!
I adore my FIL - he's kind and unconditionally loving. He took amazing care of my MIL, showing us a side of him that is quite something. Since she's passed, he and I have found a new level of closeness and understanding. I love spending time with him, and am grateful to be able to help him.
My relationship with my mom is complicated, but I've finally been able to let go of much of the negative emotional baggage. When she presents me with moments of pleasant together time, my heart is more open to accept it and be in that moment. The negative times flow away from me quicker than they used to.
It's not that way for me, so I consider those with deeply loving their parent truly blessed in many ways.
Still, we are not perfect, but sometimes we are right. Just knowing that within ourselves is enough.
I know as I looked back I had failed to myself into my parent's shoes to try to see it from their angle. My Mom loved to shop, and I hated shopping, so for me if not having transportation to get to a store wouldn't have been a big deal, but it was for my parents.
My impatience, anger and resentment came mainly from the choices my parents made which included me, yet I wasn't part of the meeting where those choices were made.
Do you ever have moments, lets say for instance you have a fight with your spouse. You kiss and make up but inside you don't feel like you really resolved anything but theres that voice inside your head that says "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy" so you shut those voices out but inside you still feel like "yeah I want to be happy but I want him or her(whatever the case may be) to know that I was right. "
I sometimes think that when our aging parents dig their heels in and act impossible maybe its because they are desperately hanging onto that independence that they can see slipping out of their grasp. Think about a child when they stomp their feet and say "No!" because they haven't learned the words yet to say what they really want. Imagine for a moment thats your Mom or Dad. They feel their reality changing. They long to be able to say what they want or need but they have lost the words to express it so they stomp their feet and say "No!" To you its "oh Mom is being impossible" but to her its her last grasp at hanging on to what she is losing and what she used to be.
Maybe its something to think about when you feel impatience and anger.
Lately, this is the topic that I can completely relate too now.
Being the youngest and only daughter with 3 older brothers, I remember trying so hard to be the best "girl" dad ever had. Hehe.. needless to say, dad and I went on all those scary rides when the older brothers would not dare to. HA! Like FF, I grew up being a tomboy also. Mom, however, would always make sure I didn't play with snails too much, or that my mud pies weren't over baked.
I sure learned a helluva lot of wonderful attributes from them. So many wonderful memories of them.. I'm sure I can talk for ages about dad n mom and visit those happier times one day soon. So many silly, loving, grab your side in laughter moments... ahhhh
Honestly, I still cry if I remember too much... this sure made me smile with fondness and love though. So nice Gershun... indeed, I will be smiling when I fall asleep tonight.
Thank YOU for this thread :) although you might get tired of me sharing my parent's ... or not!
No dear Gershun, I would never change a thing about my parent's. Nor would I change what I personally did to help them cross to their next life.
Trust me...lol, I have questioned my sanity on that one!!
Mom on the other hand wasn't the huggie type of person. And I found cooking, housework, ironing, washing clothes too boring to pay attention. She was one tough lady, who ruled the household even to her final months. But I learned to be frugal from her, and not to let fashion ruled my world, thus I am still wearing some of the clothes I bought 30 years ago :)