TouchMatters Posted March 2023
Please change all references from diapers (for adults) to disposable underwear.
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They've had "belly bands" for male dogs going way back, when I finally saw one, I understood why most dog rescuers kept their old washer and dryer around for their dog stuff. A belly band is just a reusable diaper with velcro - quite fancy but not meant for poopy bits.
Depending on which definition I read ,
some include birth year 1965 in the Boomers and some in the Gen X.
So I’m either the youngest Boomer or the oldest Gen Xer .🙄
But seriously you guys, it's not OK to personally attack the OP, her opinion is fair game but not all the rest.
I have seen some places that say The Greatest Generation ends at 1925 and others that end at 1924. That impacts which generation my grandmother is part of. So if they wiggle the years around too much my grandmother and my mother could be in the same generation because mom is a "cusper" of the "Silent Generation" and the "Boomers" depending on what year they decide to put in what generation.
Never any doubt about me - nice solid Gen X lol.
My kids joke about being Zennials.
And I tell them if they are Zennials then I guess I'm a Xennial - because I'm a total technology nerd, have all of the apps, spend tons of time on my computer or tablet etc. As far as technology is concerned it's the best of both worlds, the technological knowledge of the Millennials and the Gen X everything else!
just think how much better for the environment our grandmothers and mothers were. My mother told me the same as yours. They certainly didn't have disposable incontinent wear, either. Again, it all got washed. We are literally burying ourselves in this stuff no matter what we call it.
As to what generation I am I have fallen into Lealonnie's "old hag" or "old bag" generation. I used to run around as a kid exclaiming "I am a WAR BABY" because I was born in 1942. My Mom had gently to take me aside to tell me that war babies meant something quite other than I thought, and not to be announcing this to the world.
Margaret McK, do they still call baby calves "potties" in Australia?
I realize I am late to this particular party as now it is on generation terms. I believe I am a baby boomer having been born in 1956. My children are millennials having been born between 1981-1985. I didn't think those parameters had changed.
I agree . I really don’t consider myself a boomer . 1965 is not anywhere near 1946.
My son is a 1989 millennial .
My daughter is 1996. She is in the same situation as I am. Depending on definitions she’s either the youngest millennial or the oldest Gen Z .
Im sorry you are in pain . I didn’t know you had surgery .
Yeah there were a lot of kids born after WW2 My mom started first kid 1953 , last kid 1970 , but she was an oops .
The suburban neighborhood I grew up, most houses had between 5-8 kids . Kids everywhere when we went outside to play.
In an older generation than mine, gossips used to watch the washing lines to see if ‘the rags’ were in the wash. If not, a baby was presumed to be on the way. Pregnancy was on the grapevine within about two weeks of conception!
As for the rags - don't forget that girls often stayed home from school during that time of the month because those rags were not reliable, especially if the only toilet was a privy and the source of water was not necessarily adjacent to it.
I was saying that if AgingCare uses specific phrasing / words that others (readers / site users) will become familiar with words reflecting respect and sensitivity. Its similar to the word 'handicap' or handicapped' commonly referred to now as disability or other-ability. Words are powerful - and could convey judgments and associations, and give a mental image of what the words mean. Or the words/phrasing retarded was replaced with developmentally disabled. These changes are all around us - all the time - and as society changes - so does the jargon.
In any event, I certainly stirred up a conversation and/or controversy, and reactions speak to the person speaking them, not to me and my suggestion which reflects respect of an adult. Everyone here is free to express how they feel and believe.
And, yes. In my experience, compassion and understanding is critically important when making comments or 'advising,' 'suggesting,' or telling someone what they should or shouldn't do (most of my comments focus on a person setting boundaries (for their own mental health/survival in stressful, difficult situations), looking at patterns of behavior, finding their own ways / avenues to gain support, taking care of their health and well-being), supporting open, honest communication to meet family needs. This is objectionable?
Should anyone here feel that calling adult disposable underwear a diaper, so be it. If you do not find this offensive or disrespectful, so be it. I do and say so. However, responding in cruel, judgmental, angry responses speaks volumes of the person responding/writing, it doesn't speak of who I am.
As I read some of the comments here, it is quite a conversation about generations, understandings, and more. Some interesting thoughts came out of these 81 comment, including rage towards me (although it is much broader and meaningful than the dumping on me).
Words / terminology is about marketing and psychology, and how society changes. Ultimately, I am in favor of words that respect a person as they age, become disabled, and need products.
We are in such a divided country now, politically. I can hardly get my head around younger people who's 'life experience' is knowing that it is common knowledge - over the last few decades - that their peers get shot or killed in schools, and that they are not safe, either. It is almost incomprehensible to me to realize how younger people understand, internalize and experience the world as it is today. I remember reading ... what a couple of decades ago - or longer (ago) about civility. That we lost it. Sorry, I am getting off topic. Leave it to say that all these threads are weaved together in and reflecting our society. And this is just my opinion.
Gena / Touch Matters
I have a feeling AgingCare is going to either close this thread from further comments or delete it altogether.
@Touchmatters - I don't think anyone was questioning the fact that the way we use words can be disrespectful. I can't imagine anyone would continue to call it "diapers" if the person they were talking to was offended or felt disrespected when they did. As I mentioned early on - we used the word once or twice with FIL and he absolutely hated it (of course he is a raging narcissist so for him it was all about pride and not wanting anyone to know that the Great FIL who is better than anyone on the planet would have to wear incontinence underwear or rather Depends in his case because he refuses to wear anything but that brand) So we stopped using the word. However, he literally wanted us to just call it underwear because he didn't want any indication that there was a problem at all - even to the doctor and we had to put a stop to that much at least because his DOCTOR had to know there was a urinary incontinence issue. But we were respectful otherwise.
I think the issue is about semantics and more than that, also about timing. The original post that started this trickle down was from a person who was trying desperately to come to terms with helping a spouse who was wearing incontinence underwear - who has gone downhill significantly and was alarmed at watching their spouse deteriorate. They were asking for advice on how to deal with it and how to help. And instead of offering advice - some posters jumped all over this poor OP about using the word "diapers".
Imagine how that feels - not "you are doing the best you can, this is hard for everyone. Get her to the doctor, get her checked out. You have a right to feel the way you do...." anything in the realm of helpful.
This poster got "First of all...you can help your wife the most by not calling them DIAPERS!! It is disrespectful to her!" From at least 1/3 of the responders and it started to degrade their original post. I'm sorry - not the time or the place to be the word police and make an already distressed and anxious poster feel even less heard and welcome!
There are times here when tough love and honest truth are called for here certainly. But that post - was not the time to bang a guy's head into the wall and run him through the ringer for his choice of words. The man is grieving the potential loss of his wife, at least the one he has always known. And he's getting bombarded with negative feedback on a single word. How about the fact that he was changing ANYTHING filled with feces from his wife - how about instead of attacking him for what he called it - we recognize that he didn't run for the hills the first time it happened and give him some credit for looking for help. Do you know how scared he has to be that this is happening and he is going to be responsible for everything now?
If we wanted to crusade for better portrayal of the community and better representation - there were far better ways to achieve it.
*******
This site is the absolute best source out there for help with aging and caregiving issues. The people who post are the reason its such a solid resource.
Unfortunately, there are a posse (definition 3) of folks who appear to be cave people armed with sticks running around looking for something/someone to bash.
As BEG94 said
"not the time or the place to be the word police and make an already distressed and anxious poster feel even less heard and welcome! "
Even when I was married, my then husband refused to buy a box of pads/tampons for me. It just wasn't done, no man would be caught dead with a box.
As for the non-disposable underwear, ok maybe for those of us who oops while laughing or sneezing, or even just standing up.
As to what generation I belong in? I now consider myself part of the "Always Discreet Generation" :)
I sure am happy I was not alive in the nonsense times where periods were something shameful that had to be kept secret and no man could ever buy a box of pads or tampons. I always took care of buying my own products though. Not because either of my husbands had a problem going to the store if I needed them to they didn't, but because they never got the purchase right.
My mother was very secretive about womens' health and told us girls nothing. She bought into all the ignorant, old wives tales concerning periods. Especially the ones about tampons. I've been using them since I was 12 years old. Never a problem. It's a good thing I came from the generation where kids got taught sex ed in school and I have older sisters. Otherwise I would have been in the dark, totally ignorant, and probably with a dozen kids there with me. No thanks.
Same here . Myself and 3 sisters .
Mom said “ No tampons. Why would you stick a cork up there and stop the flow? It’s unnatural. “
My one sassy sister came back with “ Ok so why do you dye your hair then , Mom. “
They say they better understand how things like cervical cancer works and so they don't need to screen as often - but I still think that women (and men) who are sexually active (and not necessarily monogamous and safe) should be getting screened for other things. More men and women are back in the dating pool in mid-life and later than ever before. They encourage them to get tested regularly. But not for women to have annual gyno exams. It's all very odd to me.
And when doctors start throwing around words like atrophy and replacing hormones and all of the fun things that happen in that region during menopause - I most certainly don't think the words "getting healthier" apply LOL.