BayPoodle Posted April 26, 2024
Positive changes.
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I’ll be the first to say that caregiving can be isolating, exhausting, infuriating, etc. Has anyone else noticed positive changes in themselves? I have noticed I am much braver and more direct, probably because I’m too tired to walk on eggshells. I like that about the new me. I’m not trying to pretend this isn’t an incredibly difficult thing we are all doing; just curious if anyone else is also noticing things coming out they appreciate.
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Yes , I understand the not having the energy to spend time with friends , especially if you feel like you have nothing to add to the conversation , while you are feeling consumed by caregiving . I felt like that on and off for years .
I have been making an effort to “ socialize “ again . But it is an effort , but once I go out , i am glad.
I also know that no one is really ever prepared for watching a LO go through the final stages of dementia. Believe it or not, knowing that is a blessing.
It feels like it takes a lot outta me to hang with friends, and I'm just to emotionally exhausted to be with other people.
They whine, they have drama or are negative, maybe someday I'll want more people in my life but I'm very content.
I just don't have the energy for people
Has anyone else experienced this?
I learned what I don't want to be when I grow up. 😂
I don't want to save things for my kids, cuz honestly my kids don't care to have, the outfit that they where wearing when they had there first birthday pictures taken.
I learned that I want to be dependent as I can, to figure everything I can out now , on how to do things, so I won't need to bother anyone. Told my husband yesterday we need a new bathroom shower, because we are going to need it.
I'm trying to get all my Ps and Qs in a line now. And since my husband is older, I'm trying to know everything I can that I always let him take care off. I'm trying to be pro active checking if we need oil for the furnaces.
I'm trying to learn to not be so set in my ways like mom is. That if I can't find the perfect tomato in the store. My day isn't ruined , the imperfect tomatoes, will work fine.
And I'm working on being more positive in life and thankful for what I do have and not complain about what I don't.
So even before this forum I've learned a lot from mom about what I don't want to be
Yeah! 💪
I told a friend I had gone sugar-free... she sighed & said yes she needed to do that... "Stop!" I said.
"I am talking about TALKING".
No sugar-coating.
The plain truth.
As it is.
But I did find that there were things I could do and got them done. But to this, I had to put a wall up. I get overwhelmed when there is just too much going on. I had to learn to take one thing at a time. I so wish that I had used a lawyer for a lot of stuff but then I would not have learned what I have.
When Mom moved in with me I was 65. Ten years later I have realized I need to use the resources allowed my Nephew, who is disabled. He has had different coordinators in the 5 years he has been getting help from the State. I found out from his newest one, that things I have been doing, he could be doing. So can his CBS worker he has on Fridays. I can step away from dealing with Medicaid and the caseworkers. If P has a problem, its between him and his coorinator. A weight has been lifted. I only have my responsibility as a DPOA, which for someone with no assets, is not much.
And when are caregiving journey is all said and done, we find that we are more compassionate, understanding, empathetic and stronger than we were when our journey first began.
And those are all gifts and attributes that we will carry with us until we leave this world for the next.
And I have only been here for a few months, so for the first time in a few years I'm actually looking forward to a future. I'm looking forward to more and more emotional growth and learning, where 3 months ago, all I was doing was dreading how many doctors appointments does mom have this week.
I think with covid and the stress that gave us especially the added stress to caregivers , it made caregivers need help like this even more and more important to life, we are now a world post covid trying to put it behind us, but it really added much stress to many of us caregivers
The biggest change in me is asking for help. I think with caregiving, my self worth was down to 0, I didn't feel worthy to ask for help, I literally felt worthless, how could I not , when the one person you are trying to help makes you feel like you don't matter. Just trying to get a flu or covid vaccine for myself was impossible. I needed the vaccine but they make me sick after so I wanted a few days with no appointments for mom after. She couldn't find a few days for me to fit it in where she had nothing for me to do. Because I really didn't matter. Now I've discovered I MATTER. I really didn't even realize why I wouldnt ask for help until this question. And it all started pouring out of me how worthless I was feeling and why. It's like 2 +2 is starting to equal 4 now.
Even getting a massage was so hard for me to do. No matter the how much I paid for them, to have someone actually do for ME felt so strange. Well I forced myself to get one. And am looking forward to another one soon.
Thanks guys for making me feel worthy!!!
First of all I learned so much. Not because I wanted to, because I was well satisfied with what I knew. I didn't want to know more.
But I had to learn.
I had to overcome anxiety. I had to learn to seek help (Good grief, how I hate seeking help).
I sought help RIGHT HERE!!!!! And I learned so much from it. I think I could never repay the help and support.
More "brave"and more "direct" you ask?
Cancer had already taught me SOME of brave earlier, and a tiny bit of direct in standing up for myself.
But I was lacking in courage. I was anxious. I was stuck in my insular protected hive. I couldn't imagine an attack on that safety by the taking down of the one who had stood to protect me my ENTIRE LIFE. Hansel to my Gretel his was always the hand that took mine if I was afraid. He was the one who so early on said to me "If I have a penny then YOU have a penny". He was my brother, the one I could ALWAYS TURN TO.
And then he had to tell me he had Lewy's Dementia. He had to ask me to be his POA and his Trustee and his protector. Protector even against HIMSELF.
I thought to avoid this. "Fiduciary" I shouted. And my partner had to remind me what I owed.
I AM more brave. But in all honesty I am still a very anxious and frightened person, one who can be tipped over the edge with great ease. (as I found out tonight) merely by making plane reservations, hee hee. We are who we are, but I will be on the Sound in July and y'all won't hear a THING from me for a month! Don't get excited.)
And I am more direct FOR SURE. I am, in fact, now blunt. I now believe that pu*sy-footing around things just delays them, and that the evil lurkings out there gain strength from our fear and our delay. And most of all from our lack of honesty.
So yes, there is much loss. Some gain perhaps. Hard to measure.
I sometimes think, when out walking, and thinking--THINKING--what a wealth is in our heads, those of us who have been through a bit.
But so much of it stays locked in there and not shared with others.
We don't speak to one another, not honestly enough.
Just my humble opinion.