Just an update - my mother fell again, remembered nothing, woke up on the floor of her bathroom, scooted herself to the phone to call sister-in-law who came over and helped her get up then left. Caregiver arrived shortly thereafter and began cleaning mom’s wound with peroxide and a washcloth. No one called me, no one called EMT’s. I went to her this morning and found her arm a God awful mess, her thin skin bleeding and sloughing, her face bruised. I wish I could post the photo but it would make you sick. Took her straight to Urgent Care who sent her to ER for work-up. Medical team was astounded. Of course brother is out of town. His negligence has to stop.
Since mom isn't speaking to you, why don't you let SIL know about the referral.
P.S. someone will have to drag her to neuropsychologist.
I’ve been serving this woman her meals on a tray and checking blood sugar, giving insulin, diapering her, caring for her wound, have home health in my home every day, shopping for food, preparing diabetic meals and she doesn’t appreciate a darn thing. It’s never enough. She wants me to do it on her terms, in her house. I’m done. I’m taking her home.
February 16 will be the anniversary of my husband’s suicide and I have to deal with the triggers my mom dishes out. Pure emotional abuse and manipulation.
It really seems like you are being played by your mom and brother.
You can't afford not to work and to be at her beck and call, without the authority to direct her medical care or spend HER funds on her care.
If your mom is suicidal, she needs to be in a psychiatric unit that will address those issues.
If your mother needs medical supervision of her glucose levels and insulin administration, she needs to be in a NH situation.
And are the doctors aware of her suicidal threats? Surely this is a clear demonstration that she is a danger to herself and could be used to force a 72 hour psych evaluation.
As for the endocrinologist, IMO he isn't the person to appeal to about her ability to remain at home and planning long term solutions, that isn't his role or area of expertise.
I have been driving two counties over for 3 years checking on her and taking her out for a good meal weekly and taking her to specialists when needed. I did this on advice of a elder care lawyer after she left IL. I journal everything.
So last night I started a talk with my mom about getting legal advice if I’m going to remain involved. And I’m going to ask her to give me medical POA and let me place her in assisted living. And then hope and pray brother will pay the bills if he is in fact Financial power of Attorney.
If she is unwilling to do this, you need to find out what your responsibilities are legally, now that the doc has told you that she can't be left alone. (This is why we all told you NOT to take this on; now you may be legally obligated NOT to leave).
I'm hoping others will chime in here with good advice.
One more thing; "mom won't go back to the endo doc unless I take her". Didn't you say that mom can't go anywhere without assistance? Do you mean she won't initiate an appointment? That's the dementia. It sounds as though you are expecting your mom to act like a person with a brain that works. Hers is broken beyond repair.
Btw, the doctor isn’t working on LTC solutions. I would bet money my mom won’t even go back to this doctor unless I take her.
Your mom prefers your brother and SIL's care to yours. She is leaving him all of her money. She accedes to your brother's demands to leave the IL you found for her and lives as a shut in.
She refuses to take her doctor's advice to live in a supervised situation. She wants to return home. She hasn't been declared incompetent.
You voluntarily brought her into your home. You can only be a doormat if you lie down for others.
Your mother needs to be moved to a supervised environment immediately, Like to your brother's home, where his wife can care for her.
She has med administration supervision, so that's all the dr. cares about. Just what is he "working on"? He's trying to find placement for her? Or is he working on something else (home health care)?
So her stinginess means YOU become the LTC solution. That isn't right. Are you going to give in?
She would probably function well in AL if a caregiver gives the insulin correctly. But she doesn’t want to pay for AL. Trying to get money from her to buy some food and her necessities while she is here has been hard enough. Stingy!!!
Since your mother is not cooperative and clearly does not want your care, and has NOT been judged incompetent, it seems as though you should deliver her to her home and notify your brother and SIL in writing, via certified letter that she is back in their ballpark.
I know this sounds hard-hearted. But if your mother doesn't want your care, you really shouldn't be ruining yourself financially to provide it.
The only impetus the medical folks have to find LTC options is when the elder needs to be discharged and there is nowhere for them to go because family refuses to be the caregiver. The temporary solution all too often becomes the permanent solution.
It sounds as though endo doc sees that mom can't care for herself and she's prepared to tell POA that. This is a good thing.
Mom’s condition is getting worse. She almost fell even using the walker trying to get to the bathroom. She is peeing all night long (kidneys trying to excrete sugar) and I could hardly manage to get her on the toilet she was so limp. I put her in a diaper and forbid her to get up. I’m on constant alert, it’s very hard to sleep.
Will your brother be able to go to the next appoinrment?
We did speak to a social worker and wow it was like a counseling session - my mom got to express her thoughts and emotions. While we didn’t get any long term care plans in place at least I’ve got her to accept my help for a little while to get through this.
I’ve come to realize that her sugar spikes at meals are making her practically psychotic. Last night was real bad so talking to social worker and doctor today was a start to getting some help I hope.
Please do let us know what your mom’s endo says about the Lantus. My husband takes it in the morning. I’m sure each dr has their reason for the time they suggest. The explanation I gave was what we were told he should do and why. I hope your mom isn’t very sore from her fall.