Because she was never a compassionate and loving mother,She is a narcissit with mild Alz.. and depression. This is only going to get worse, I know. I struggle with the fact that I should be a better daughter and caregiver. I have 2 brothers that are not at all involved.
Being a full time care-giver for her is exhausting.
My solace is walking my dog and clearing my thought's. Patience was never one of my virtues. So hugs to you and God Bless you through this journey we face together.
Now I am here taking care of her for the last 2yrs. No help from siblings!NONE !!My husband and I gave up our home to move in with mom.I feel at times she is now stealing my adulthood away as well.
For the longest time when I still had this resentment. I treated my caregiving of mom like patient I looked after. I slowly became a daughter looking after her mother.
You will too find your way to get thru this. You are a wonderful person for the fact that you stepped up to help your mother.
I now feel good about myself knowing that I am doing the best I can. Focus on today and tomorrow not the past, you will feel better!!
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My mom is also 83. When I first moved back home to take care of her and dad, mom and I butted heads constantly and got into a couple of nasty fights. During one, she said, "You just want me to die, don't you?" I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying something to the effect of "Please!" Then, of course, I would spend the following hours and days feeling guilty for being such a horrid daughter.
Two things saved me:
1) I got out of the house. Mom tends to look at things negatively a lot and also has unpredictable outbursts of anger. Being around her 24/7 was eating me up (and probably her too); I started getting rash outbreaks like never before. So my dad helped me buy an RV and set it up in their backyard. I'm only steps away if they need me, but have my private kitchen, bedroom, bath, tv, and safe haven.
2) I got a part-time job, then later a full-time job as their health improved and I had little to do as caregiver. Now I check in with them after I get in from work, spend about an hour or so watching tv with them, then go to my RV.
My mother and I are able to tolerate and even enjoy each other when we only see each other 2 hours a day. Don't know if any of this would work in your situation, but it saved my relationship with mom.
the fact that you have stepped up makes you a very good daughter and caregiver!!
I was in a similar situation, but without siblings. It was a long road and it did get worse before it got better. but it did get better!!
There are so many people caring for parents that either had BPD, with the accent on narcissism, or moms that were, shall we say, less than warm and fuzzy when we were growing up and now the kids are faced with what you are faced with now.
Keep venting because I know for sure that it helps. It saved my life and you will hear all kinds of advice and stories here so you won't feel so isolated while you care for your mom.
good luck and keep venting/posting!
lovbob