The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Do you think I should tell him about my pets? I had allergy shots for 10 years and when I told him I wanted to stop he nearly had heart failure. We compromised and I took them thru ragweed season. I stopped because I had a friend (native american-as am I) and her life revolved around her horses, I found out she was diagnosed allergic to them...How did you overcome this I asked; she replied "I just decided I wasn't going to be allergic anymore." You can do that I asked? Ah-h-h youth...but I lived with 6 indoor cats and a sheepdog for almost 20 years...so something worked!

WOW How cool is this? Mom just called, threatening to elope or commit suicide (don't worry...threatening suicide has been her control over me since I was 15) so we spoke of alternatives to her living arrangements. She wants to "go home", I told her it was a possible, but no family lives where home used to be. Anyway, she wanted me to find her Dr. (of 40 plus years ago) so I went online and I FOUND HIM!! The allergist who diagnosed me at 8 years of age...guess who is getting a blast from the past tomorrow? I would never have found him without her help on the spelling of the name. Mysterious ways indeed!

Ok--Deep Breath--I find it hard to share how I am really doing. Experience has shown me that "most" people would rather not know no matter what they say, so I am ignoring logic and taking a leap of faith here. I honestly do not know why I am still amongst the living.
I have been ill for almost half of my life, geez I don't even know how to start. The last year has been a blur. It started off with a chronic sore throat, followed by a kidney stone, then pneumonia, acid reflux, barrett's disease, a double positve DNA for gluten, blood test IgE allergic to corn and wheat, post menopausal bleeding, I am not producing stomach acid, my liver is not filtering properly, calcium is off putting me at risk of breast cancer too. So to sum it up I am allergic to beef, pork, wheat, corn, oats, barley, and rye. Add to that 22 years of fibro pain and a stomach that has a mind of it's own. It sucks, but I have a great DR. who practices functional medicine. I have been off of all the pain meds for almost 4 years as well as any anti-depressants. I am just coming off my last script which is for anxiety.
The really cool part is I am healing. It seems slow but here is what research shows: the fibromyalgia is a result of chronic imflamation due to 54 years of poisoning myself with wheat-gluten---it (the damage) is reversable. I also tested positive for 2 potential pathogens and will know a couple weeks if 3 months of natural antibiotics killed the little buggers.
What follows is one of many reason's I belong on this site: In one of her more sane moments mom told me we were both diagnosed allergic to all those grains when I was 8!! I remember the Dr. telling me, but in my 8 year old mind I thought "allergic to wheat...better stay away from the fields during haying season" I could only relate allergy with sneezing. But mom knew and understood. She CHOSE not to follow the Dr.'s orders. And so here I am.

Just as a side note: In my research I watched a video my doctor loaned me Unlocking the Mystery of Wheat & Gluten Sensitivity by Thomas O'Bryan DC, CCN, DABCN this is what I found...1 out of 5 brain disorders including Alz. is directly due to gluten sensitivity.

So both my parents had G/S and I have a double whammy. The father I never knew died from MS (auto-immune disorder like fibro) and mom with dementia. If you think this might apply to you; contact enterolab online and for $180.00 the red cross will send you a simple mouth swab kit and decipher the results. Insc.
will not pay for this.

Add to this that 3 of my 5 kitties died last year (relax) they were 18, 17, & 18 years old and all are disabled. This week we almost lost Baby, she has been at the vet's all week but is back home with a feeding tube and her future looks brighter than it did last week. Life...it happens if we are ready for it or not...it is how we deal with life that makes all the difference.
That being said, I am open to hear any advice or your story or even a joke.

Hi UCan'tCare2Much,

I usually go by myself to mom's, since it usually ends up being me staying the night. But my husband goes w/me. Yes, if you read some of what I wrote to 195Austin and a visit just days ago, I'm definitely going to try to schedule the visits when both my sister and niece are not there. The main goal for me is to see mom, doesn't mean I have to see the rest of those people, and their fake egos, nor bad attitudes. Thank you so much for the suggestions, hugs, Margeaux

Hi 195Austin,
Thank you, for your suggestion, especially about maybe not going into that household. Yes, really I've done this at different times throughout especially what I call, "the reign of terror," while my aunt was still alive. Boy, somehow I was with some kind of wishful thinking fed by my sister's constant need for moral support, which I totally was and continue to be whenever my aunt was giving her and the caregivers a real hard time. I naively thought that now my aunt's passing was going to flow into a happy family, cooperating while still caring for mom and the ALZ. But, I forgot about or probably my denial about the dynamics w/sister-POA, and her daughter, who only seems to be a taker. My sister enlisted me about a week ago to go w/mom to doc's appointment on March 1st, to check her pacemaker. I said, O.K. My sister works 40 hr. job. So recently, she's drawn to my attn, that especially the main caregiver she's had for the last three years, she feels sometimes oversteps boundaries in terms of talking to the doctor's, making appointments, etc. I think this caregiver is great also, she is very affectionate w/mom, and put up w/loads, while auntie was still alive. But my sister seems to view this caregiver as wanting to make extra unnecessary appointments as my sister feels that this caregiver likes to get out of the house w/mom, because then they go out to eat later, and it's an easy day for the caregiver. I don't know about this. I however feel that at some point my sister allowed this caregiver to become too in charge of this aspect of the caregiving, because while my aunt was alive, my sister pretty much was not talking w/my aunt. Although, my aunt's behavior warranted some of this, sometimes I would for example try to suggest to my sister after she'd told me some horrendous story about auntie's rages, "has she ever been checked for Dementia, or ALZ?" My sis's response would be, "Who knows, she's always been a difficult person." So you see, any of my suggestions about complaints my sister makes to me, are many times dissed. I did go visit just the other day, w/my husband. He's great! That day also, I brought to sis's attn., that someone (her daughter, the taker) again left some article of clothing and a hair ornament on the stairs going up to second floor. She's doAne this before, and for safety's sake, I've suggested that this isn't a good idea. Someone could trip, and at bottom of stairs is a marble floor. My sis's response to this was,
"Oh, I always leave things there, that way it saves me having to keep going up and down the stairs, so many times." Now, I again here feel that my sister is trying to always draw attention to the fact, kind of like she's a martyr. But anyway, 195Austin, thank you for your suggestion, and honestly, I'll keep that doc visit, but I think I'm going to start becoming unavailable to my sister. I'm tired of this not being appreciated, somehow being still recruited at some level. Maybe I'll even suggest to her next time, "maybe you should call our brothers." Yes I do work, but it's been a bit slow at the moment. I like Yoga, and actually I'm driven to writing. Thanks for the hug, and hugs to you also, Margeaux

Hi Jessebelle,
Oh I so identified with the things going on in your family. I certainly related especially to your take about what you said re: not owing to parents the caregiving out of guilt. It's quite interesting, in my family this issue. I am from a family of four siblings. I'm the eldest. We are pretty much like a step ladder in terms of age, one year apart and the last one, 2 years. This made it very tough on me, being the eldest. My parents worked full-time since we were very young.
Grandma was in the picture at first, but very soon....I became mommy. This is why I never had my own kids. I loved my parents, for what they provided, but somehow the nurturing, emotional part lacked greatly! So now as an adult in a caregiving situation, that I do at a distance, since my sister (considered the capable one) in our family-oh those roles, yes...they never die! is POA, in charge. She lives w/mom who has ALZ. Mom's sis was also living there w/congestive heart failure, and just passed away 3 wks. ago. But I've done my share of caregiver back up, relief, and visits. Our aunt who just passed, may she rest in peace, but really gave everyone a hard time throughout her entire life. Mom never stood up to her, and enabled abuse by my aunt. So in essence I've gone back & forth between feeling sometimes guilty, maybe that I don't do enough. But of course, while auntie was living there w/mom, it was so hard to go into the zone of battle, because this is what it was. Then my sister, who is great at running the show, but truth be told she, & my brothers, who never get their hands dirty in any caregiving work, totally hide the ball from me in terms of whats going on especially w/inheritance issues. By saying this, I don't mean to imply that this is a big motivator in my life as to my participation w/mom's health. But w/ the power holders, especially my sister (total control freak), it makes it very difficult for me on a spiritual level. Well, and I've heard way more often than not, that somehow the brothers in the family seem to not get too involved when there are sisters in the family. Do you have contact with the one brother that might be able to help? Anyway, I use some meditation to help me, lot's of deep breathing.
This seems to help me. But anyway, I just want to offer some moral support and share. You're not alone, my dear, Hugs! Margeaux

Thank You Cmag, for starting this post. My name is Margeaux, and I was able to pour my heart out the other day here, I'm new. But I will definitely visit, and share more on the level of reading other's posts. Lot's of love and shiny lights to all,
Margeaux

Hey everyone, I am learning so much by reading everyones posts... I too came from a family that the King ruled the roost with mood swings, ect... everything that ya'll talk about...
And I am in a situation of working with people who are not my parents, and it makes me feel so bad for thier children.... wondering how they became so successful and level headed after the things they have endured for a lifetime.....
And then there is my Sonny Man, one of 9 children, very poor as a child and young man, I have seen pics of his parents, and mom looks very stern... of course he only remembers things like when being called to dinner, you had better get in there while there was food on the table......and he is a sweetheart... always smiling, always saying thank you, laughing, making jokes, and tell him often how much I appreciate him.... will not say anything about his wife, as I am trying to not let her trigger me in regard to my dad.... and she is just like him...
So I know being with a parent is harder because of the memories, and the irony is, my dad passed away years ago, yet those feelings are still there... she can trigger me into a downward spiral sometimes.... especially the feelings of being made to feel small and stupid.....the constant work on reminding myself that these are just feelings, that I have lived thru it all as a child, that I am more loving and compassionate because of being treated that way.....
So just letting you know I value each and every one of you, learn from your stories and how you cope....am encourged and uplifted... thank you all for sharing such painful things about your lives.... you are helping many... thanks, hugs and angels....

CMAG-Thank you for starting this thread! I see we have a few things in common. We are the same age, only child, with a Mom in a LTC for dementia. Get Ready...Mom started really losing present time just before C hristmas. At first I tried logic, when she asked about relatives who are no longer living I would gently give her the correct data. After 8 or 9 times, my heart couldn't take it and just a few weeks later; the point is almost moot. We talk almost everyday, much less than before Christmas tho. She is now in the "going home" phase. She has to ask for my # everytime she calls. It is sad I agree. In her mind I should be able to fix everything and yet most days she thinks I am still in highschool. I have not yet opened up about my childhood, working up to it. I just try to be with her in the moment (I fail frequently) but if she starts attacking me verbally I (BARNEY FIFE) "nip it, nip it in the bud" HA!-HA! Anyway; you have done a Very good thing starting this conversation. Thanks

Marge -what a story, Sounds like you are wending your way past the thorns.
Tilda, you wrote earlier and I am glad you shared.Please so stay and share more. Is isn't all over when it is over.
burned, I am glad u r better and your friend is moving near
thinking of jessie, Izabella, naheaton, cmag and other who have posted and wondering how you are. I was mia for a little while and got behind. I will catch up on my wall posts

((((((austin)))) That must have hurt you! I agree with your explanation. How sad for him to carry those feelings to the grave. Caring for him must have been very hard. It is hard enough anyway, but made harder by dysfunctional people.

Ty all for the support but as much it broke my heart his sister is too lazy to do things for herself but now its too late because as it stands I have paperwork to do and talking to a friend to keep her company and waiting for the kids to go to bed its their time. I miss my private but on the upside my bff from HS is moving to this direction to where her and I can help each other but TG i am over the nasty bug that I had.

Margeaux, I too, am sorry for all that you are going through! Man, what is with all our families! I'm always saying, "Why can't we all just get along?!" Do you have anyone that can go with you to visit your mom? Maybe you can visit when your niece isn't home. This would be a very difficult situation, I think, for any of us who are very caring. I'm sure you want to see your mother as much as you can being that she is in stage 4-5 of Alzheimer's. I know time is precious...my grandmother died of Alzheimer's, my husband's grandmother did also, ans currently, my SD had been diagnosed. Quality time is very precious when it comes to this disease, so I'm sure that's why you keep going back. You have my sympathy!

banshee & emjo: Okay...Great! Please, start the thread, I will follow! :-) I have a few more experiences for that topic that I could share. :-)

When my husband was unresponsive mostly the last few days he would respond to most people the nurses and our children and granddaughter but would not respond to me at all-I kind of forgot about it until about 6 months later and then got really mad at him-I feel he knew what he was doing-he was trying to punish me even though I was the one he had been so dependent on for so many years.

Nobody here is nuts! We just have nutty relatives lol.
My faith is very strong too.
Thank you all for your kind comments. Losing my son has been life changing experience - some things have become more important, and some much less so. The pain of loss lessens over time, though will never go away completely. The "missing" stays.
The only way you will know if there are enough participants is to try - nothing ventured, nothing gained. A few others have mentioned signs before and after a loved one passes. The whole experience of the two days when my son was in hospital was extraordinary in some ways, and I am so thankful we had that time with him, Even though he was in a coma, we had signs from him then.
hugs to all
jo

emjo, I'm so sorry that you lost your son. He was so young. I can't even imagine the pain!...I'm sure it never goes away, but I do agree that you have also witnessed the miracles of God that will continue to help you through your sorrows. I have had several of my deseased close relatives come to me in my dreams. It is always a comfort. My husband and I have even "seen" my FIL (the one I spoke about with the clock chimming) in the mall a couple of different times! We both truly believe it was his spirit looking over us. When we looked back each time he was gone. I'm hoping people aren't thinking I'm "nuts" right about now! :-) If I would've been by myself and seen these things happen, I would've called mysef crazy too!
Banshee, Thank your husband for believing! As I just said to emjo, if I would've been alone, I would've thought I was going crazy! However, when 2 people witness it, well, you just gotta' believe! I'm a product of parochial (SP?) school, so my Faith is very strong! I was thinking the VERY SAME THING...about starting a thread about the "Signs"! Do you think there would be enough participants? :-)

UCANT...What a beautiful story!! I believe you had a miracle-when I shared this with my husband he got chills all over. He said that only happens when pure truth is spoken and wanted me to let you know that.

EMJO- I did not know that you had suffered the death of your child. If I could bring him back to you I would. I am so glad he came to you in your dream...and the bird...you KNOW it when they "visit". You are amazing!

Hey, maybe next week we could start a new thread about all the signs we get to help us find our way?

We certainly have a dysfunction family. I even say boo and mom runs to the phone to call sis. By the time I get home, which is a 5 min drive, there is a snotty email on my computer telling me that I am picking on mom. No matter what I do or no matter what I say I am wrong.

Marge I am so glad you came here where people understand and care. If I were you I would just stay away from that house more since your sister wants to be boss and your Mom probably does not remember how often you visit-just go only when you feel up to it. I hope you have someone in your life that cares for you-do you live alone? do you work? do you have enjoyable past times or hobbies? let us know more and I know some of these great people will be able to help you.

I currently am trying to sort through a lot of confusion. Mom and her sister had been living together in mom's family home (where we all once lived) Her sister, our aunt never had children so we come from a family where mom always allowed our aunt (narcissistic) person to be too controlling of too many family situations. It's been no boundaries! As aunt became older, it just became awful. Mom has Alzheimer's about stage 4-5; aunt had congestive heart failure. My sister and her two grown daughters (in their 20's), and one of their boyfriend's moved in w/mom & aunt about 3 yrs. ago. My sister is very good at being the administrator, tending to hiring caregivers and all of responsibilities. I live across town, and am not the main caregiver, but visit and stay in touch w/my sister. She's relied upon me especially for emotional support throughout all of this. We also have two brothers, who live further away, but really have little to do w/any of the hands on duties about the caregiving. I'm the eldest in the family, but wasn't the one designated to have either POA, nor MPOA. My sister does a great job, but often times I feel as if she is very controlling in lots of situations. Just the last three mos., my aunt's health declined to the point that we had a Hospice situation happening in mom's home until her death, a couple weeks ago. My aunt had given especially my sister & myself a very difficult time. She was a major bully, had yanked POA, from one of my brothers (he wasn't taking care of bs.),
but after this happened aunt had this "she was holding everyone hostage to her will," attitude. Her behavior w/my sister, myself, caregivers was so divisive, and has created disention w/in our family. You name it, from hiding what's going on with money, to bad mouthing my sister to caregivers, sabotaging caregivers.
Remember the movie "Baby Jane" with Bette Davis? Our aunt made her look like an amateur. Anyway, in peace may she rest. But after she died of course there's been all of the readjustments that come after the loss of someone. Mom is well taken care of. My sister is still living there, but now only w/her 22 yr. old daughter, who is not very helpful, and acts like a primadona. Just before our aunt died, this niece went into a tirade w/my sister. It was all about her, and she was trying to imply my sister doesn't pay enough attention to her. Now this girl just really lives there. My sister pays her car payment, and she's enrolled in college,
but recently there's been some doubt about whether she is actually attending school, in a serious way. Well during this discussion she and my sister got into, got really heated and niece became verbally abusive. My sister who at that moment had her hands full, called and told me all about this. This was back in December. Well, this incident created some real havoc for my sister, and of course I was very angry w/niece, that she'd behave like this, especially under the circumstances. My sister divorced niece's dad years ago. But then, my sister did tell her daughter she was going to have to go live w/her dad, which my niece of course didn't like. My sister says, she probably didn't want to do this since the dad doesn't provide any kind of a nurturing environment for her. Anyway, I'm just wondering. I honestly had to always psyche myself up to go visit that household while my aunt was still living there. I somehow thought that once she died some of the tension was going to disappear! But now I'm having to deal with both my sister's controlling aspect of situations, and this niece. Again, it makes visits to mothers not feel very warm and fuzzy. Oh, and just so that people can get a picture here, my sister, nor her daughter are the types that don't like to be told anything. So, sometimes I'm at a loss as to how I'm suppose to feel about all of this. I spent a night there last week when one caregiver had the flu. But by the time I left, I just felt totally drained by the energy in that household. Any way, any advice is appreciated.

Amen, Ucant - I have had many "signs" from God over the years - such as the wall clock chiming. A few months after my 23 year died, I was missing him so terribly, and missing his hugs in particular That night I had a dream, and in it he hugged me. The next morning my mood had lifted, and I could actually feel that hug most of the day. One year on his birthday I looked out the window and there was a bird in the white pine tree in our garden, with a red - and I mean bright red - breast. My son was wearing a t-shirt of that colour when he was assaulted. I ran for the camera but the bird had gone by the time I got back. I called the Fish and Wildlife office to identify the bird, and they said there wasn't a bird of that description. I looked on the internet and could not find one, but I know what I saw. I took it as a sign, and think God comforts us with these signs.

The other day my mother called from the nursing home and left a message on my voice mail that she wanted to know what my plans for moving were. What? I don't have any plans for moving myself or her for she is in a good nursing home and her husband can visit her everyday. When I visited her, she did not say a thing about my plans for moving. So, I did not bring the question up. She did ask about her brother who died two years ago. When I reminded her of his death and my bringing her a CD of his funeral, she remembered that he was dead. She said that she had forgotten only temporarily. She's lost tract of time for she thinks it is time to go Christmas shopping and wanted some money so that she can go shopping next week and she thinks by then she will be ready to get out of there. This is so sad for she cannot even get out of bed on her own. Upon, visiting my step-dad, he told me that she might even forget that I visited her today when he sees her in the morning for he's noticed quite an increase in her bad vs good days as far as her thinking goes. For right now, she knows who we are, but she might reach the point where she does not remember us.

Changing the subject, I went to see my sleep apnea doctor and she said my machine needed to be reset in light of what I told her I'm experiencing with my current machine. Instead of getting another sleep study, she gave me the option of borrowing a CPAP that automatically senses what you need to keep breathing while you are sleeping. I'm using this for two weeks and then we should know what my machine needs to be set to.

God does know what we need-he has the plans down pat. He answers prayers with a yes or no or not right now-our timing is not his timing-look what he did in 6 days.

Banshee, what a story! Telling it here is the right choice, if you ask me. I really feel bad for you for having to go through all that! You must be a super strong person, having made it to somewhat better days! It is great that you've found God because He is the way through any trail or tribulation! Everyone sees the Light in his/her own way. Years ago, a few weeks after my FIL passed away, my MIL and I were home alone. She was having another really bad day. They had a wall clock that was broken...hadn't chimmed in years. Well, do you know what happened that day?...It chimmed! Not only did it chime, but it chimmed 11 times...he passed away at 11 am! We both just kind of looked at each other in disbelief at first, but then it dawned on me that this was a "sign" from God to let her know he was OK...out of pain. I'm not sure this is quite the same as God talking to you while you are sleeping, but I'm pretty sure the results are the same. So, this is why I believe God know what each person needs for help and reassurance, and that's what He does! God Bless and keep you!

OMG Banshee and B urned how are you both holding on with all the problems-thank God for Emio the voice of reason here. I also got AC on my puter how I have never been able to figure out except it was the grace of God-both of you will get love and support here-so sick around. Emio is right as she allways is Burned -your husband and children are enough for you to handle. Your sister is a jerk as you already know -do not give her any more power over you.

((((((((((((burned))))))))) I understand completely. Your children,your husband and yourself have to come first. You can't take on any more. You already have more than enough to deal with. I am sure that God understands too. As you say, she is not your responsibility and don't even try to figure out or take on other people's problems. You have a very heavy load with your young children and your sick husband. I am sorry that your sis has not sent your wedding dress, but I am glad you have made this decisions. It is wise. (((((hugs)))))
Jo

I am upset and sick ...i have the stomach virus and my sister in law just tried to call to move in with us and I can't because all i have to do with my husband etc. I am so upset that none of her kids will take her in or anything. Neither will the siblings who havent called in ages to check on their brother. I have to wrestle with this and that as much as I would love to help this woman I can't risk being evicted or worse ....she is not my responsibility i am already overwhelm as it is and then my sis wants to come up with a diff solution to sending my dress. I do not care I want it to be COD not the other way thru the ups. I am just done and I can't figure out everyone's else lives for them because I am losing empathy with many things and developing antipathy so i never get to touch base with my emotions so zombiefied state of mind is all i can do and deal. I want to be compassionate but as it stands my family comes first even tho my own relations each have their own rocky starts I cannot be their sheild or deal with someone they refuse to deal with it just aint right. I hope God understands and forgives me for my decision...

Banshee, thank you for sharing and I am glad for everyone's sake that your mum is safe in a nursing home. As far as jumping into the middle of a thread, this is a "How are you" thread for members who have dysfunctional families particularly, so anyone is welcome any time. Happy about your encounter with the living God. He makes all the difference.
I have been MIA for a few days, but have been reading and thinking of you all.
This is a heavy load we carry, but lighter for being shared.
Live hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
Joan

Whoops! Sorry... I am new to the computer.

The next Dr. she was seen by was the psych. Not that she didn't try, she had become suspicious of her primary care, so she went to a Dr. she had seen for several years before. Are you ready??? He specialized in geriatric care, and Mom was escorted out of his office by security...she had an appt. but was told he was not her Dr. anymore. I called her primary but it had little effect as I was not on any HIPPA forms...so she went without vital care for 3 months. Yes, both of her Doctor's work out of the same hospital the MRI was done at. All parties knew she had a brain-stem stroke in 1988. Anyway at this point all I wanted were copies of those test results! They were to play a vital role in her treatment and diagnosis. I told her psych about them, the hospitals are 3 miles apart but they could not seem to be able to transfer data rapidly. So, in my 5 hours of visit time I had to get her to sign 2 HIPPA forms (wrong form 1st time) so I could get her medical records so we would all finally know what was wrong with her. Seriously...I have a LOT OF RAGE towards our medical system. Fast forward through the packing, cancel of services, etc... The moving truck arrives and I had 5 mins of hugs and the phone rang, it was Mom, her DR. released her!!! I had spoken with him the day before, had told him we would be ready by Friday and could he arrange a medical transport as I was afraid to travel with her not only because of her mental state, but her blood pressure was through the roof and I was afraid of more strokes. Instead of communicating with me he dismissed her! There she was sitting in a chair, her clothes in a plastic bag, waiting for me. I grabbed a taxi (I was unable to drive for several years) and the MRI report and left the guys to load the truck. I actually had to explain to the Dr.'s assistant that A)Mom has more going on than crazy B)Would they like to call an ambulance to transport her to another hospital C)Here is the number of the patient's advocate that is helping me Are you willing to keep her for 48 hours until I can get the apt. clean and do a walk thru? Can you believe it? Who moves that fast? They re-admitted her, (we did not have a bed or any furniture in the apt., it was all on the truck to AR!!) and we were to pick her up Friday. We arrived, and waited almost 2 hours, her BP spiked so they gave me a handful of scripts to be filled and I waited while my husband went to her pharmacy $500.00 later...(and they couldn't use the medicine in AR). I went to the ladies room after telling the receptionist, as I exit I see Mom's walker OUTSIDE! Thank God my husband pulled up just as I was running to the door! We had to convince her to go with us which is where I will tye all of this together. Remember when I said EVERYTHING in my life changed? Well my first night in TX I kept waking up...this continued...finally I just set out my glasses, pen and paper and each night; I went to bed not knowing how or what to do about the next day. EVERY night, GOD gave me the answers. All I had to do was write, sometimes I would wake up to a list of cycles maybe 20 or 30 long. I listened and I heard! I faced so many fears that week and I felt protected and loved.This was the beginning of a whole new life, one free of wondering if GOD really exists, if HE does why am I in so much pain? Those and a lot of other questions are being answered one by one. I found this site by accident (or was it?) while researching Mom's nursing home stats. You have all helped me already, I hope I can help too! I am almost to the end of the TX adventure but there were a couple more nasty surprises to come in the next 48 hours.

My wish is for all of you to really feel loved this weekend!!! We may have crappy families, but that does not mean we can't love and laugh with each other. Thank you for letting me be a part of this stellar group(: