Thirty Percent of Caregivers Die Before The People They Care For Do
Rough statistics show that 30% of caregivers die before those they are caring for. Some studies show deaths higher. Illness that doesn't lead to death is rampant, as well - depression and auto-immune diseases are high on the list. Caregivers often don't find time to go to their own doctor appointments. They put them off, because they are too busy, or are just plain sick of sitting in clinics with their loved ones. Then things like breast cancer, which could be caught at an early stage, aren't found until the illness is much worse or even life threatening.
Caregivers are as important as the people they care for. If they abuse their bodies, minds and spirits while caring for others, no one wins. Support for caregivers means we must tell our stories and know we are heard. I hope we'll hear many stories on this site.
I am at that age where I read the obits in the newspaper, and I have seen too many times where a person in their 50's or 60's had passed, and the survivor includes an elderly parent who lives in the same city/town, and the siblings are elsewhere. Make me wonder if that grown child had been the caregiver.
I remember when my parents told me that I would be getting a nice inheritance. In turn I told them to use it for themselves as they would probably outlive me. They looked at me like my hair was on fire. They had zero clue about the stress I was under !!
His siblings constantly harped on the fact that he was "mooching off her".
He died of a heart attack last week. The other 5 siblings are now trying to figure out "what to do with mom".
I think they are going to find out in short order just how much money and grief their brother saved them.
While caring for my parents, not only did I ignore my own doctors/dentist, I also ignored that of my cats. They missed many a "senior wellness exam" because taking a cat into the vet takes nerves of steel, and my nerves had been unraveling over those 7 years of helping out my parents.
It is so hard to find ones "new normal" after being a caregiver. I don't know how people do it being hands-on living with a parent. I was totally exhausted being a logistical caregiver.
I also have seen articles saying the rate is now 40% for caregivers dying leaving behind the love one they were caring.
Carol
Carol
I enjoy your comments!
Carol
Tragically, your diagnosis is more dramatic than most, but skipping our own appointments is high on the list of things caregivers do that we shouldn't do. I did a lot of that and I still tend to put my own appointments last on the list. I must mend my ways. You are helping many people by going public with this.
Your point about the fact that finally everyone is worried about you - the caregiver - is well taken. Somehow, we are just considered the strong ones who can never go down. Well, we can. And that leaves everyone else without our help.
Please check in from time to time when you feel up to it, my friend. You have our heartfelt prayers.
Carol
I agree that this is a huge problem. However, many people don't have families who could help or anyone else to turn to. Or even if families do help, they all have jobs, they are all trying to get along. Help is limited.
We desperately need, at the very least, some way for reliable respite care. Some communities have block nurse programs and other programs that are marvelous, but many have no options. Few have enough.
I don't know the answers but it seems to be a world-wide problem so no health system or social system has this worked out at this point. We can all hope for better.
Take care, JesseBelle. You are such a valuable resource for us.
Carol
About a year later, the whole topic of caregiving exploded. Still, it's been an uphill battle and will be for a long time. There is nowhere near enough support. Caregivers need choices. They need respite. They save whatever government they are under billions of dollars each year. Yet squeezing some services out of the tax payers seems like - if I may use the old adage - getting blood out of a turnip.
We need to be grateful for some changes but there is so far to go that for many any help will come too late. Many of us have been financially devastated as well as physically affected by years of caregiving with no assistance. We need each other desperately for many reasons but support may be the greatest.
Carol
Oh wait I am living in cloud cuckoo land they would want to to give the money overseas? Well that would be about right!
I have always said (and I did used to work honest I did) that I would rather pay a few £s more tax and have a police service and a health service that was effective than I would have more money in my pocket and no money for my health or safety later in my life when I will depend on these services.
The NHS in the UK was sold to many by using the term caring from cradle to grave to keep you above the national minimal standard. I get 96.00 a week BELOW that.... you go figure how much a caregiver is worth to the state...... may be it is billions but they don't give a damn as long as we do it .....and if we die earlier?Well thats good too because thats one less to worry about. It does annoy me that I am considered utterly worthless by our country - I just wonder how they would cope if we all notified the social services we were not going to do any care on Monday!
Caregivers don't get enough respect from society in general and often not enough from those around. The amount of unpaid labor that men and mostly women could to the economy is about 50% of Walmart's annual revenue-billions and billions.
Medicare would be bankrupt today or much sooner if it has to pay for all that unpaid labor.
The problem is that our nation perceives caregiving as an occupation that one does when lacking the skills to do other work. You have to become a CNA, LPN, etc. to be deemed qualified to be a caregiver. Given my experience with very low-paid caregivers is that they don't fit into many homes; a cultural mismatch. Yet that is the first question many prospective clients ask when they contact me about my services. Many unpaid caregivers do a far superior job of caring for their loved ones than the commonly available caregivers found in so many areas. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. But not as many as one might hope for.
Best wishes for the holiday season. Ann
Carol
But any time I did schedule my own appointments I usually had to cancel them because Mom or Dad had a medical emergency, so I got gun shy about re-scheduling.
And there is the time when one is dealing with two parents and their many doctor appointments that you feel like you will scream if you see yet another waiting room !!