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I know in Florida, where my demented mom lived.  Her doctor requested that she take a driving test.  It was a special consultant who took her out on the driving road test (I believe it was a contractor through the DMV.  Her doctor referred her to this contractor/consultant).  She failed and said she had to go to DMV to turn in her driver's license.  Yes, the hard part is taking the car away - realizing they can still drive without a driver's license.  It's too bad the states don't take the extra step of physically taking the car away - the DMV or the consultant/contractor should ask ahead of time who their POA is - so that the state/DMV can work with the POA in removing the vehicle.
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disgustedtoo Jan 2020
I agree that the states/doctors need to do more to help US in this matter. I found a site that lists the general gist of all 50 states "rules" about driving with dementia, and most lack any real "bite", with MA being among the dumbest (self-reporting by someone with dementia? hahahaha) But the states can't really take the car away as it is private property. There could also be a secondary owner/driver who needs it. About the best they could do is have it impounded if they drive it in for the test and fail... It would cost $ to get it back, but at least it would be unavailable, for a little while...

Asking who is POA might not work either, as some people don't have this set up (there are those who refuse to assign a POA, thinking they will be losing all control as soon as they sign it, even though it doesn't kick in until they are not capable!)
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Kentucky, does you mom depend on your dad to drive? Is this why she's resistant to him giving up driving? I have 2 elderly aunts in FL who have lived together their whole lives. One had her license, the other one never got hers, but they went everywhere together anyway so it didn't matter. About 6 years ago the non-driver (who has all her mental capacities) was telling me how she had to "help" her sister drive (the sister has dementia) by telling her where and when to turn, warning her when she was drifting out of her lane, telling her when the light was red or green, etc. I just about passed out. I could not convince the "rational" one why they shouldn't be driving because it impacted her just as much. So we immediately discreetly took away the keys (they got "lost"), then removed the car for "repairs". I then reported them anonymously. But while waiting for the DMV to call her in for a test I engaged family, friends and neighbors to take them where ever they needed to go: haircuts, med appts, shopping. I secretly provided the drivers with gc's to restaurants so they would all go out to eat together as well. The aunts really enjoyed the social interaction and basically didn't mourn the loss of driving for long. Now they have an in-home companion from an agency who can drive them anywhere. Problem solved.

What I'm saying is that if you can replace your dad's driving for your mom, this may make solving this problem a little easier if you get one of the enablers appeased. Good luck!
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In NY when it came time for my father to stop driving I ask his Dr. about removing his license. The Dr. refused saying he didn't want to be the bad guy. My father had on more than one occasion gotten the brake and gas mixed up. He also had had several minor fender benders and at one time while I was riding with him almost hit some children to close to the road. He denied ever seeing them. He also would drive on the wrong side of the road and would get confused about the ramps and go the wrong way on the divided highway. I contacted the DMV in Albany and requested a review of my father's driving skills siting these events. They were very nice and sent him a letter saying he needed to come to the DMV on a certain Date and time and take his written and road test. When the day arrived he was a wreck. The tester just got in the car in the driver's seat and ask for my father's license. My father handed him a card that he carried that said "I'm not drunk, I have Parkinson's disease." The man thanked him and requested his drivers license. Once he had the license he wrote down a few things and gave a letter to my father that said if his condition improved that in 6 weeks he could retake his road test and get his license back. My father said until the day he died that he was going to go take that test and get his license back. At least that gave him the hope of being able to get it back. He never tried to drive after that.
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Louise315 Jan 2020
That is so interesting! My father has not tried to drive after his doctor told him “he absolutely could not drive!” but often rages about it, and complains about the doctor. His new doctor has done something similar to that man who gave your father the “second chance.” She has given him goals to accomplish, but never told him he would never drive again. That seems to be very important for some elderly men.
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The ever popular OMG! SENIORS DRIVING !! thread.

I skimmed through, lots of good advice but some not so good advice on disabling a car.

The car will have to be moved and sold at some point. I don’t advise pulling spark plug and distributor cables. Newer cars don’t have distributors and it’s very easy to get the plug wires mixed up when you try to put them back. Don’t let the air out of the tires either, PIA to get them pumped back up. Removing the battery can be quite a job also. Not necessary.

Easiest way to disable a car:

Find the fuse/relay box under the hood or drivers side under dash. Small black box.

Get the cover off. Usually just snaps off. I need my glasses and a flashlight for this.

You will see different colors of fuses and larger cube like gizmos, these are relays. They just plug in.

Look on the underside of the fuse box lid. There will be an index. Find the one that says STARTER, START SYSTEM, or some such description.

Pull this out. Put it in your pocket or hide in a safe place where grandad won’t find it.

When he tries to start the car it’s dead. No click, no nothing.
you tell him you’ll get it towed. After bedtime, plug in relay, drive car away.

In my dads case I also called the repair shop my dad used and the dealer and clued them in as to what was going on in case dad had the wherewithal to try to get the car fixed or towed.
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MissingCally Jan 2020
That is too much, just take the keys.
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Whatever it takes, get rid of the car. Period.
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What about contacting the department of motor vehicles to determine how to initiate a driver's test for an older adult? In my state, when a driver reaches a certain age, they are required to retest for their license.
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careinhome Jan 2020
And in the meantime for the 2 or 3 weeks to set up how many people on the road are being put at risk?
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While the family is in the process of arranging evaluations, I would prevent him from driving. Whatever it takes so that he doesn't hurt himself,a loved one, an innocent victim. It's a shame that we have laws to take alcohol and drug impaired drivers off the road (not perfect,I realize) but it's so difficult to intervene when an elder is involved.
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My mother also thought she should be allowed to drive after a month in hospital from viral encephalitis and a month of rehab. Her short term memory function is totally affected, as well as her organizational skills and vocabulary recall. We just continued to tell her the drs advised us she should not drive. Reminded her that if she had accident she could be sued and lose all the financial assets daddy left her. She is in assisted living for now and will never drive again so I want my sister who has POA to get rid of the car. Friends have shared many of the same stories of how their parents rationalize the need to keep driving. Do everything in your power to stop them. Contact the drs, dmv, and all family members should know better than to enable them. It can be done compassionately and with little stress. Sometimes cars just give out if you know what I mean. Batteries die, connections somehow are not connecting, or the shop just can’t figure why it won’t stay cranked! Tell them anything but do not let them risk hurting someone else on the road.
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