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I am 71yo. 11 yrs ago I invited my parents to live with me after watching them decline physically for a couple years. my mom is an overt narcissist. my dad is a bully of sorts. Now at 98 they are both in the throws of dementia. Mom is more aggressive and paranoid and in complete denial than dad) the situation is rapidly becoming unbearable! I am at a crossroads of either getting guardianship and POA and possibly getting them a supervised environment or keeping them in my home with home care of which neither option will bode well with them. I have contacted their MD and an attorney. Is anyone going through or has anyone gone through this situation. My brothers are no help.

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Both of my parents stayed at home with home care. They died sequentially, dad first, age 92. It was five more years before mom died, age 95. So….5+ years of being their caregiver, hiring and managing the home caregivers, managing the parents' business, homes and finances. I still resent that it all was piled upon me. Compare it to a garbage truck landing in your life; first it dumps an enormous load of garbage, then the garbage rots, right on top of you. And of course, I was executor of their estate as well.

Don't keep your parents at home! They and you will do better with professional caregivers in a facility. People can live to an astonishing age these days. One of the residents in the memory care where my husband lives is 107! Others are 100 and in late 90s, early 90s, you name it.

If it's unbearable now, in six months you will be totally miserable. You'll hate them and want out, worse than you do now. Put yourself first in this instance, and you'll still have plenty of responsibility even if they are in a care facility. Don't let them call the shots. You call the shots. They are no longer capable of determining what's best for them! And if they get mad at you, so what? You're an adult and can handle their anger easier at a distance than in your home.

Good luck with what's ahead.
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Reply to Fawnby
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First there is NO way that you can get POA for either parent now that they both are in the throes of dementia. So guardianship is your only option and is quite expensive.
But most definitely both mom and dad need to be placed in a memory care facility, before it is you that ends up dying first from stress related issues.
Call your local Area Agency on Aging to see what options you have to get them out of your home.
Best wishes.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Agree with JoAnn. Trying to wrangle what you describe isn’t a tenable or safe care solution for any of you. They need medication management and more assistance than you can provide, and they should be placed.
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Reply to ElizabethY
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https://www.agingcare.com/questions/need-caregiver-legal-protection-498634.htm

This was a post that its felt you meant to go to the doctor. You started posting on and off concerning your parents in 2023. My suggestion, time to place your parents. At 71 you are a senior too. You can't continue caring for two seniors one showing signs of aggression. No money, there is Medicaid. Your going to kill yourself caring for them.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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