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My dad is in end stages of Alz with Dementia. His nursing home closed down, so we found him a new one. First few weeks all was well. Now they are saying we need to pick him up now because he has hurt people. When we question facts change. We are certain they are not being truthful. They are threatening to send him to the ER and not letting him come back. They tried to send him to a psych ward, but they refused saying he has no behavior issues aside from dementia. He is fine and not combative when we are there (let me say, he does not know who we are). His home said one of our family members has to stay with him 24/7 and care for him or else they will send him to the ER. What can I do? Who can I call to stop this right now? We don't have the ability to care for him. I think this is because of his Medicare

Let them send Dad to the ER. Let the ER admit, and evaluate even if this is done in psyc ward. Let them refuse to take him back. And most of all, most crucially, let them refuse to take him back and when they do turn him over to the Social Workers.
Let this be their problem.
Let the state take on guardianship if they must and do not take on any guardianship if you are not already the POA.
You cannot manage this.
You will NEVER find him placement with the current history.
So next time they call you tell them exactly this:

"You do what you feel you must do for my Dad's well being; if he is sent to ER by ambulance and EMS, then let me know".

Keep this off your place. Social workers are paid to do placement. This isn't your job and it is beyond your skills.
I am so very sorry. This is the way now of aging in our country. We live too long. I say that at 82, and am ready to go before these losses rob me of everything. Again. I am so very sorry.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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BioMom41 Dec 7, 2024
If she is already the POA, how does one proceed? Will Social Workers still be inclined to place?
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Even if they are lying, you really don't want him staying someplace where the nursing staff don't want him around. I would look for another nursing home that deals with dementia.
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Reply to olddude
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Why is your dad in a "nursing home" and not a memory care facility?
Doesn't that make more sense to you, as they are used to dealing with all kinds of different issues that those with broken brains and will better be able to handle him?
I would find him a nice memory care facility and then bring hospice on board if he is in end stages dementia, as hospice will keep him comfortable and pain free and they will also be extra sets of eyes on him for you.
Best wishes in finding the right place for your dad.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Korky777 Dec 6, 2024
I know you mean well, but it's not always that easy. Some people - myself included - live in areas where an SNF is the only option. In my situation, the nearest memory care facility is over 2 hours away, and the waiting list is extremely long. Even the nearest SNF is a 60-minute round trip. In small towns or rural areas, you often don't have a choice.
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It may be difficult to find a place that will accept him. As soon as any other facility contacts the one he currently is in and if they mention that they are having him leave due to violence the other facility will probably not accept him.
Is dad on Hospice? If so the Hospice Team may be able to find other placement for him. OR he may be admitted to the In patient Unit for "Symptom management". From there they may be able to adjust meds to appease the facility.
I do agree with Olddude..do you really want him someplace where the staff does not want him for whatever reason.

When you say this might be due to his Medicare do you mean Medicare or Medicaid? BIG difference.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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You Need a memory care unit
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Reply to KNance72
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Speak to his doctor
they obviously can’t cope with someone attacking people but I’m sure he’s not the first and there must be other options
sounds like his doctor needs to provide medication
/get him
he checked out
Maybe the aggressive behaviour is a by product of some health issue he has
maybe he’s in pain somewhere
Between the doctor and care people they should be able to provide a solution for you - use them
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Reply to Jenny10
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Also, is he under Hospice Care? Facilities are more likely to keep someone if Hospice is involved.

Before my mother graduated from Hospice, they were really good about getting her anxiety/violence under control.
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Reply to cxmoody
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That is a very unique situations and it seems that experienced LCSW members know how to navigate the system. Thanks for sharing since my family had a similar concept.
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Reply to Cklaney2013
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they will have to find him a new placement.
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Reply to catherinepb
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Ask for the documentation that shows times when her was aggressive or hurt others. He may be having sundown syndrome or get anxious/agitated when his routine is disrupted. Now would be a good time to review the contract with his facility about care he is to receive. If he requires more care than they can offer, he will need a new placement. If they are not willing to help, a trip to the ER may need to happen so that case management/social services can help your find a new (better!) placement for him.
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TouchMatters Dec 7, 2024
Very good advice / support. Thank you. Gena
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