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Elise, you said "I wish he could get it and understand where I’m coming from"

Why wish? He can't possibly know unless he learns. Why not educate him? Show him this forum or read to him some of the posts you think that will him open his eyes. Look around this forum, you will find posts from other people seeking help for problems dealing taking care of elderly.

Ask him to talk to his cousin who is taking care of her 80 y.o. mother. Ask her what the issues she encounters, how stressful it is. Or if he's hesitant, ask his cousin to call and talk to him.

Seems like MIL is moving in and once in will not move out no matter what. Nothing is going to change that. Your husband is setting that in stone (or cement and concrete in the new house.) I hope it's not your prison he's building.

Your best option is to get inhome help so that you don't carry the burden all on your shoulder. But first you need to MAKE your husband understand how hard it will be. He won't wake up one day and suddenly understand.

I get the feeling that you are a bit afraid to talk to your husband. If that is true, say so, ask us how to approach him and we can give you suggestions how to handle that. If that is not true, I apologize.
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You are ABSOLUTELY CORRECT!!!! Tell him you’re not going anywhere…you & your 3 children will stay where you are & he can go live with his mother in their new home…HE will be HER FULL TIME CAREGIVER!!! NOT YOU!!! If he doesn’t change his tune, hand him divorce papers. His mother will only get worse. Let HiM go down the dementia hole with her. I’m so sorry, but this makes me SO ANGRY 😡…not discussing it with you..he should be putting YOU & children first. MIL should go to assisted living..& if she keeps falling, then nursing home. I am not sure memory care facility will take immobile residents. Please stand your ground as this man expects you to spend the next …at least 20 years as a full time caregiver for HIS mother!!! I read in a later post you talking about you going on vacation…forget about vacations for the rest of your life…as you’ll be the 24/7 caregiver….just the plain truth
Hugs 🤗
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I saw in a later post you said you like your MIL. I hope you like changing her diaper & cleaning her poop 💩 too. Hugs 🤗
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