Parents are not well and in their eighties. Dad has a heart condition and mom has Parkinson’s. My oldest sister lives with them and has mental health issues. They refuse to move back home to be close to family even tho they are increasingly isolated and just barely made it through a hurricane. Father is flexible but mom refuses.
Moving them close to you sounds like a great idea until you actually have to do all those things for them. And by that time, there's no escape. You're like a rat trapped in a maze. Don't be the rat.
I think the one thing you can do is make it clear by letter what you will NOT be able to do in these circumstances: As in
Dear Mom and Dad:
If anything happens to you now--and the recent catastrophe in your area proves--I cannot come to help you. If you expect our support in future you will have to move back home nearer to us. I will leave the choice of that to you, but understand I am helpless to help YOU from here.
Love, MountainGirl.
Best you can do. Then just give up on this and live your life. You will get "the call" soon enough and have to deal with it soon enough.
We are currently telling our LO who should not pleasure travel many states away , not to expect us to rescue her , should something happen . She will have to pay a lot of money to find a way home via medical transport . She also refuses to assign POA , we are not getting involved with her travels .
We all want what's best for them, but when we get into this we don't understand or think about the ramifications of it all.
Will they live with you?
How much of your life are you willing to give up?
Financial ramifications?
What's going on in your life?
There is much to consider before you go there.
At least it gets them more help .
They wouldn’t be as isolated either , having a community of people their age to have meals with , activities , outings .
To retitle it to Sissy, unless it’s 5 years from now (end of 2029), the transfer will be considered gifting of an asset for most States. It places a transfer penalty. Stuff like this will surface. So please pls pls give the financial logistics on this some thought. Often parents just stay put and flat refuse to move away out as they want to provide that home for the living with them child.
Caregiving burnout was putting me back in that dark place, because my mom was in control of my life, when I have no control, I go to the only thing I can control, which is food.
So I'm sure the caregiveing is very unhealthy for your sister too.
Have you considered AL for your parents, at there expense, not yours!
Does your Mom have dementia ? , that goes along with Parkinson’s often.
You’ll probably have to wait for an emergency to force a change , if Dad won’t put his foot down . Assisted Living in Florida is an option for your parents , but the adult child with them is another issue , where would she live ? Can she afford her own place ?
A lot of elderly find it difficult to even do a local downsize move when they wait too long .
My FIL wanted to move back up north sooner. He let his wife with moderate dementia rule though. He should have put his foot down , he was struggling caring for her and she kept firing the aides .