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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I feel both sad and guilty. Mom died on December 13 2017. She lived with heart failure for 6 years. On Thanksgiving Day 2017 mom fell and was brought by ambulance to her local hospital. I asked the hospitalist if mom qualified for palliative care, but a cardiologist on call said that hospice, in her case, would be more appropriate. We started home hospice November 30th (her 87th birthday) however, she suffered a bowel impaction on December 8th and entered inpatient hospice that evening. Mom was very lucid during her stay. Her wonderful caregivers finally resolved the bowel impaction on day 3 and announced that she was ready to return home. The problem was that she was now totally unable to stand at all. The staff told us that mom could remain inpatient while we tried to arrange for her return home as a totally immobile person. Mom begged to go home, and I had to tell her to be patient - that we needed time to make arrangements for more help. Well, the next day hospice called to tell my family to come and say our goodbyes. I was the last one to arrive and mom said "I don't want to go" to which I replied "it's okay, mom, don't be afraid. It's okay to let go". The nurse started the morphine drip, and mom turned on her side - in a fetal position. Our family surrounded her and basically watched her die - which took about 24 hours. I know she was somewhat aware for the first several hours because she pointed to her lips, which were parched, and I swabbed them with a wet sponge the nurse left with us. Thank you all for reading this post. I knew the upcoming holidays would be difficult, but I was not prepared to feel so sad and guilty.
Sc1957 (I'm SueC1957), I think both the sadness and guilt are normal feelings-sadness watching her decline and ultimate death and guilt from wondering if you did the right thing by going with hospice, also if there was anything else you could have done.
CHF is a progressive disease with no hope for a cure. The symptoms are treatable but it takes its toll on the body. Hospice didn't end her life. Her heart gave out. Her other systems were shutting down. Her heart couldn't work well enough to keep her alive.
We always wonder what IF she could have "made it" if she wasn't given pain meds. The "made it" would have just been a prolonging of a terminal disease and possibly more suffering. It is a compassionate act to alleviate another's suffering.
It's always difficult when a patient has not accepted their own inevitable passing. But the decisions you made were for her benefit and comfort. I'm sure you did for her what you'd want to have done for yourself. I'm sure she felt the love of her family throughout her transition to the next realm.
You can't "put" Mom in hospice. You can request it, but she is evaluated to see if she is within their criteria. She must have been if they excepted her. Yes, no extreme measures will be taken to keep her alive. She will be kept comfortable and free from pain. The NH wanted to send my Mom to the hospital because she was losing the ability to swallow. This is a sign the body is shutting down. I said no and requested hospice. I knew she wouldn't want to be touched and poked and prodded. Her Dementia journey had been at least 6 years long. She needed to not be bothered. She passed peacefully a week later. She was 89.
My daughter is a nurse and says "the elderly are living past their expiration date".
Is it guilt or is it sorrow? When I got a call in the middle of the night asking me whether they should send my 99 year old mother to the hospital I hesitated for a few seconds before I said of course not. Even when the answer is obvious it is a hard choice to make and there are no perfect answers, unfortunately.
Why would you feel guilty? Hospice provides round the clock care for people at the end of life. Do you feel that you need to do heroic measure to keep her alive? Is she cognizant of what’s happening? How does she feel? Does she have an end of life plan/wish?
If you provode more detail, maybe we can give you better advice.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Mom died on December 13 2017. She lived with heart failure for 6 years. On Thanksgiving Day 2017 mom fell and was brought by ambulance to her local hospital. I asked the hospitalist if mom qualified for palliative care, but a cardiologist on call said that hospice, in her case, would be more appropriate. We started home hospice November 30th (her 87th birthday) however, she suffered a bowel impaction on December 8th and entered inpatient hospice that evening. Mom was very lucid during her stay. Her wonderful caregivers finally resolved the bowel impaction on day 3 and announced that she was ready to return home. The problem was that she was now totally unable to stand at all. The staff told us that mom could remain inpatient while we tried to arrange for her return home as a totally immobile person. Mom begged to go home, and I had to tell her to be patient - that we needed time to make arrangements for more help. Well, the next day hospice called to tell my family to come and say our goodbyes. I was the last one to arrive and mom said "I don't want to go" to which I replied "it's okay, mom, don't be afraid. It's okay to let go". The nurse started the morphine drip, and mom turned on her side - in a fetal position. Our family surrounded her and basically watched her die - which took about 24 hours. I know she was somewhat aware for the first several hours because she pointed to her lips, which were parched, and I swabbed them with a wet sponge the nurse left with us.
Thank you all for reading this post. I knew the upcoming holidays would be difficult, but I was not prepared to feel so sad and guilty.
I think both the sadness and guilt are normal feelings-sadness watching her decline and ultimate death and guilt from wondering if you did the right thing by going with hospice, also if there was anything else you could have done.
CHF is a progressive disease with no hope for a cure. The symptoms are treatable but it takes its toll on the body. Hospice didn't end her life. Her heart gave out. Her other systems were shutting down. Her heart couldn't work well enough to keep her alive.
We always wonder what IF she could have "made it" if she wasn't given pain meds. The "made it" would have just been a prolonging of a terminal disease and possibly more suffering. It is a compassionate act to alleviate another's suffering.
It's always difficult when a patient has not accepted their own inevitable passing. But the decisions you made were for her benefit and comfort. I'm sure you did for her what you'd want to have done for yourself. I'm sure she felt the love of her family throughout her transition to the next realm.
May God give you comfort this holiday season.
My daughter is a nurse and says "the elderly are living past their expiration date".
If you provode more detail, maybe we can give you better advice.