Disabled, bed bound husband. Being cared at home by me full time. Veteran's affairs pays me to care for him. Contract says his caregivers can give notice that caregiving will stop on a given date. Husband is a very selfish narcissist and only thinks of himself. After 1 1/2 years, I am done caring for this man. I have notified the VA that 7/1/23 I will no longer care for him. There is no one else available to care for him at home full time. His only choice is to agree to be placed in a VA nursing home. BUT, because he is cognitive, he cannot be forced to go into a nursing home. He has said NO to the nursing home. That leaves him home alone with no care. He is not able to do anything for himself except feed himself and handle his urinal.
Per the VA Social worker,. If he sadly decides to stay home, I am free to stop caregiving on July 1, and he will have to suffer the consequences of being there alone. I am going to be sure I would not be held accountable for abandoning him.
You have helped him a lot, caregiving the past years. It’s unusual for a spouse to be paid, so you did gain financially despite the caregiving hardship. Maybe you even continued, because you were gaining financially and now you feel you’ve accumulated enough money.
If he has money, organize a caregiving agency to come by. He can fire them, but you’ll have done the right thing before closing the door on a man you once loved.
It’s probably too late for a ‘softer’ method, of offering to continue his care if his behavior changes, but it is an option you could consider.
Best wishes to you.
My LO (after stroke) can answer simple memory type questions but lacks ability to plan forward. When refusing aides was asked how would they cope at home, alone? Blank stare. Unable to comprehend the consequences. Doctor said they can make medical decisions for themself, but not lifestyle.
Your husband can refuse, it's his right. It's not his right to make you his caregiving slave. Let the chips fall where they may.