My parents were moved to an AF in July 2019. Dad has passed. Mom has had great care except for one aide. I have complained and so has Mom. She is bedridden and despite my complaints, she has missed baths.
She now has had back to back UTI’s and all of of sudden I am cut off from contact from staff. They avert their eyes, the lovely billing girl won’t file my moms insurance or respond to me asking why.
I'm not stupid, I will be making an appointment to talk with them and will record. We can do that in my state.
I am a a trained medical professional in many areas. I know what they are up to.
I have had a great relationship for over four years and I am devastated to see staff avert their eyes. I don’t know how to approach a sit down with the staff. Advice is much appreciated. I literally can’t sleep at night over this abandonment.
We can only go by what you have written. Yes, we assume. You ended up making your situation clearer. The only way you approach the director is to go to his/her office and ask if he has time to talk with you about some concerns you have. Be ready for what he/she has to say. Don't take offence. I think the billing girl not billing the LTC insurance is a big thing. Maybe new Owners don't believe that is their responsibility to send LTC paperwork. Maybe since you pay upfront, its felt that you should send in the info to get reimbursed. The billing girl may have been told to stop. If so, she should have told you when asked u why she was not billing the LTC to seevthe director.
New management, new rules. Maybe its felt Mom is now too much care and she needs to be placed in a SNF. Because she is grandfathered in, they have to honor the contract she came in on. But this new management may not have a #5 tier. My Moms AL only went to #4. From your post, I think u know what is going on here. They want ur Mom out of the AL. Her care is now more than they feel they can handle especially with the aide shortage.
I'm really confused by what you think might be going on. Please let us know when you resolve this!
There is not on facility in my area that is not understaffed. If you think the Aides think I am a nuisance coming by to feed my Mother when I can they will tell you you are wrong.
I communicate in a positive way while checking in at the kiosk, I do not make demands of any staff, they actually appreciate me coming in. I am the private aide if you will that assists the staff. I go in not just to help my Mom. The Aides are often understaffed so I will go feed my Mother dinner, set out the supply station etc.
my Mother is on Palliative and refuses to go to a hospital. If she needs Hospice they will put her back on Hospice should she need it. That is her choice and it will be honored. She is comfortable, alert and ok.
I am not pestering staff, I was concerned that there was a lack of communication. I am not needy and do not make demands of the staff at all, quite the opposite.
I simply asked how to approach a sit down meaning the director as I have never had an issue.
today I went in and it was fine, they also have a Covid outbreak so that may have been an issue for a shut down of communication.
for those who labeled me as to hand on, let the staff take care of her etc. I have a bedridden Mother, the staff can’t give her the time I can. They love her and yes, they appreciate a family member who didn’t dump her at the door and leave. That actually happens.
Your involvement with the AL centre is certainly unusually high. It may have been welcome initially, but if has increased over the last four years it could have become a bit much. It seems to be a major part of your life. Would it be better to back off a bit?
"I don’t know how to approach a sit down with the staff" You don't approach staff you sit down with the director/administrator and voice your concerns.
"billing girl won’t file my moms insurance or respond to me asking why" My Mom was in a small AL. She had her own doctor so no billing needed there. Prescriptions were billed by the pharmacy. So no billing done at the site. Do u use their doctor? I think that the billing girl is obligated to bill on the day the service is provided. Or at least in a timely manner. I would call Medicare and ask that question. I may also inform the providers that billing is not being done and that you are not going to be liable for the bills.
This is interesting so please update us. We learn from each other.
Often the family is in denial of the true condition of the patient. We see that a lot on here where a family member posts that their LO has "mild dementia" or "a touch of dementia" and then goes on to mention that she's wandering, no longer remembers where to poop, and started a fire in the kitchen. NONE of that is "mild." Those symptoms all together almost surely mean advanced dementia, yet the family wants to believe there's not much REALLY wrong with Aunt Betty, she just gets a little confused and must continue to live alone so she can keep her dog (who would burn up in the house with her if it comes to that).
Skilled nursing seems like the better place for this OP's mom. OP needs to go to the highest level of that facility and get serious with the people who run it. Not the aides, they're at the bottom of the ladder.
Bedbound seniors require a lot of skin care, but bathing is overdone. If there is an indwelling catheter there may be more infections, but otherwise infection comes of incontinence often enough, or even just of aging problems and general debility. It is common both in in facility and out of facility care.
I think perhaps your Mom is progressing and becoming more ill and helpless and this is escalating your frustration, and I am so sorry for that, but I do think an adversarial relationship will leave them advising you that "if you are no longer happy with our care you may need to explore moving your mom". If you have a good place, try not to lose it. I am sorry things are going so poorly and hope it gets better for you and for your mom.
Your Mom is sounding now, like without extra help coming in, she is beyond assisted living care. She may require memory care. More staff there and of course higher costs.
My guess is that they appreciate families who care, but your level of involvement may come across as that you think you are in charge and can tell them what to do. If you disagree with them, you can become a very difficult “customer”. You are probably pointing out things that staff have said or not said, as part of your criticism, which is why lines of communication are part of the problem.
Perhaps your expectations of Assisted Living are higher than they are actually offering?
i am very hands on and speak with the medical director and staff often. She is 1/2 mile from me. I am there several times a week. I believe this is because of the infections and one of which is antibiotic resistant.
i am going to go the the directors office tomorrow but this sudden behavior is concerning
Have you spoken/emailed the Social worker and DON?
Is it possible that they think that mom needs a higher level of care?