What to do you do when your mom says untrue statements to people and they call the social services?
My husband and I have been the caregivers for my aging parents. My mom was diagnosed with dementia and was hospitalized for gallbladder surgery for 7 months. Something went wrong during sugery. She slept for 7 mos. ( I call her sleeping beauty) during that time my dad passed with cancer. My mom didnt realize he was gone till it had been 5 months after his passing. Now my mom is confused more and I guess she dreams things and thinks its reality because she says things that has never happened. She is very sad angry and confused. Often times wishing and praying God will come for her. My mom has been active in her meetings at her church and during the time she was hospitalized and homebound she couldnt attend. So when my mom got her strength back and walked again with her walker I started taking her to her meetings again because it seemed to always make her happy to go.(she has been going for 20+ yrs.) I know the ladies real well there and they have cared for people similar to my situation. I confided in them about my mom alot of times because 1 time a week was my only time away from my mom. I give her 24 hrs of care daily. But my mom has been getting more clingy and being ugly to me when I do have to go to an appointment or get something at the store. My mom is NEVER left alone. I have 2 teenagers at home and also my husband. So if me and my husband want to go out we have to sneak out because if she knows she gives problems to my children. And if I have to go during the day and she knows she tells my children what an awful person I am and I am selfish. I lost my job to care for both my parents. I have to pull teeth with her to change, shower, brush her teeth, eat, and anything else. So on the day for her meeting at church I had asked my son to take her because I was really exhausted that day and very rare do I ask because I always take her. Well she was Very upset with me and went to her church friends to tell them what an awful person I am and who knows what else. But these people from her church have been told my mom was getting more confused and saying untrue stories so they knew what I was faced with. One of them even told me to let her doc know so that they can note it in their charts for my protection. Well very next day a social worker had a complaint against me that I was neglecting my mom and did an investigation. Yesterday received a letter from ss with letter closing the case because they didnt find no type of abuse. Im afraid to death of taking care of her because I know she is so angry when I leave her sight and I know what the damage she can do when I do leave even for an hour. My parents have 4 other children who refuse to help and refuse to talk to me for only they know the reason. I am beside myself. I have gave up EVERYTHING to care for my parents and allIve gotten is heartache. I am very close to my mom and I love her from the top of her head to the bottom of her soles. I call her my love because she was my first love. but what do I do now. I talk o her and she3 tells me she doesnt remember what she says. My mom remembers her childhood but the present she doesnt even remember if she ate 5 minutes ago. She is now in nh for short stay just so I can find out what to do. Im scared of what she can do to me and hoping its just a phase. Anyone with similar situation. I need help...............
Mmendez: I am sorry that your mom is that forgetful. It sound like your relationship with your mom was very good in childhood and on. My mother and I were close I thought until I was 16. another story time. I hope the best for you and sounds like if you follow sharynmarie's advice. Let us know how you are doing. God bless you.
My mother has been telling the bank, and some of her lady friends that me and my sis are trying to steal her money. I am not worried because an investigation will show otherwise. I have made contact with some of my mother's friends exchanged phone numbers and so far, they all understand what is going on. Mom tells stories that we won't help her, she says someone in the family is coming in her house when she is not home and stealing files. The files were found when mom lost her driver's license....they were in the trunk of her car. She leaves notes around the house telling "someone" to stay out of her stuff, I don't go thru your stuff so stay out of mine. She does not always recognize her own hand writing. I would not live my life in fear by restricting where mom goes. If I were you, I would talk with the minister of the church, give him literature on Alzheimer's. Don't accuse anyone there of having turned you in to SS. In the meantime, if necessary, hire a healthcare worker to come to your home to help out a couple times a week for 4 hours so you can go out and do what you need to do. When you and your hubby want to go out, make advanced arrangements with the healthcare worker. It is a lot of responsibility for teenagers to care for someone with Alz/dementia, plus you will have the added documentation from a healthcare worker during the times that an adult was not present with your mother. Another option is to take mom to adult day care a couple times a week so she can socialize with people her own age and you can run errands during the time she is there. Make some adjusts and then try to relax because what your mother is going through is normal for Alz/dementia. Hugs to you!!!