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I recently lost my Mother, who I looked after at the nursing home, visiting daily, doing her laundry, keeping up with her care, going to the ER with her and then her hospitalization and the end, constantly with her. Now my husband, a few months after her passing, has come down with Parkinsonism. I am spending most of my time caring and looking after him, and was already managing his type 1 diabetes. I am a Registered Nurse, but that doesn't cushion one from feeling the pain and sadness in all of this. I have found that scripture has helped, praying has helped, and talking with a close friend has helped. I am not one to call everyone and tell them how I am feeling. I wonder if other caregivers experience these sobbing spells, and they seem to be connected to remembering my parents, and now my husband and the feeling of sadness. Would appreciate any input from others. Thanks.

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When I saw your question I thought: "God, yes! Don't we all?"

But when I read your story I thought: "Debrah, if you didn't have sobbing spells you would in fact be an android." Grieve, woman! You're entitled. xxx
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Hey, you just lost your mom. That alone entitles you to a whole bunch of good crying. Being a nurse, a doctor, or even a PhD in Divinity would not exempt you from that, or any other part full experience of human grief! Even Jesus cried, and He knew how it was all going to turn out eventually. Heartfelt prayers for you and hubby...be good to yourself, and try not to let yourself feel bad about feeling sad, if you can help it, and try not to feel guilty about it if you can't.
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Many, many times. It's OK. We're human. We're allowed to cry. God bless.
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Given your circumstances, I think that crying is quite normal. If, however, your sadness overwelms you and interfers with your to ability function, you may want to consider a bereavement group, a support group or professional counseling. I have had experience with all three over the years and found them helpful. It is reassuring to know that many others share your experiences and that you are not alone.
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men are wired a little differently. the last time i cried i was 8 yrs old and zipped my d**k up in my zipper. i still get misty eyed thinking about it..
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I was given a damit doll years ago----that you can throw or punch when things get too much and she has seen me through so many tough times--Janet
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Yes, I do. And we are entitled. Or if you want to laugh, that's okay too. That also includes throwing stuff (without hurting anything), physical exercise, kickboxing, etc., anything you want - it's all permissible.
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I rarely cry but seem to hold everything inside, my older sister on the other hand cries a lot and she says it is a "release" and makes her feels better. I don't like the headaches that come with crying but I can see that it would be a release and probably better than holding everything inside.

I think you may be mourning the loss of your parents and impending loss of your husband possibly. My heart goes out to you! God Bless you and your husband!
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I have been caring for my mom who has been hospitalized for over 7 months. Also helping my Dad with paperwork, forms, insurance, Medicare, Medicaid, etc. I finally reached my limit last week. Started crying uncontrollably at work. But I called my doctor and she prescribed some mess for anxiety. I was hesitant because they are addictive, but I was at my wits end. I need to be able to function. If I don't take care of myself, I can't take care of my loved ones. Prayer helps too. Long talks with a close friend. Reading the Scriptures, especially the parts about God's blessings still to come. I really believe in that.
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I saw a post on Facebook the other day that said that "Caregivers are the invisible victims of Alzheimer's Disease". Unfortunately true. It is nice to have a little visibility once in a while so that people can acknowledge the fact that what we are doing is so very hard.
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Yesterday our Pastor prayed for strength and comfort for caregivers. I cried because it felt so good for someone to remember us. People take for granted how emotionally and physically draining caregiving can be. I am thankful to be my Grandma's caregiver, but it is hard to watch her decline mentally.
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Firstly, so sorry for your loss. Take solace knowing that they aren't suffering any longer. Secondly, everyone grieves and shows grief differently. Some may show it outwardly quite frequently, others however, may internalize it. Rest assured that you're not alone, no matter how you grieve. Remember to keep yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually strong. Letting out the tears probably helps you as long as you don't don't dwell on the sorrow. You need to find some happiness every day to move forward. If you can't then you may need some outside assistance to get you through this. A pastor, counselor or confidant may be just what you need. Smile, you're not alone. Peace be with you.
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My 93 yr. old Mom lives with me, and until the last few years I've called her my roomie, best friend, "partner"... For the last 6+ years, though, I'm more her helper, even now caretaker, and the losses she's going through as one after another ability fades breaks my heart. She was a violinist, & planned to practice & study in her "old age", but some years ago arthritis in her hands robbed her of that. She was athletic & active - hiking, softball, bowling - but back surgery and a resultant weak leg ended that. She loves to read, but she is legally blind from macular degeneration with only a "tiny island of central vision" left in one eye, but gets around using peripheral vision. That tiny central sight is so far enough, though, so she can read with the Kindle Fire I bought her a year ago (with the font & contrast turned way up), so I pray she won't lose that final jspark... At this point, her 'book" is her only real joy - she doesn't listen to recorded books because she gets confused and can't see the "machines" to play them... It absolutely breaks my heart to watch this bright, formerly fiercely independent woman's world implode to helplessness... So yes, sometimes I absolutely lose it! Sometimes I watch her while she sleeps and cry (in part because she was so quiet I checked to make sure she was actually "sleeping"... ) And then - sometimes I feel guilty because of the thoughts that creep in reminding me of the losses to my own life her decline brings... the freedom to plan ahead, to make spontaneous decisions, to travel, even to cook what I like - Mom often tells me she realizes how lucky she is to have me, that I'm the best daughter ever... My brother, her only other child, was killed in a motorcycle accident 5 years ago, I have no kids, and sometimes I cry just wondering who will keep me company and help me just a few years down the road myself... There really isn't anyone.
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Yes, I have continual crying spells at least twice a month. You are definitely not alone and I agree with the others here that crying can ease the pain. Today I had a crying jag because I felt so alone in my role as caregiver for my mother. It is a consuming job to begin with and limits your ability to get out and join activities or socialize with friends. Being tired all of the time drains energy and immune system and I think is a catalyst for crying spells. You have no break it seems but if you can find some brief moments to take a walk, stroll through a mall, or visit a friend even just for an hour, I know you will begin to feel strength to keep going. Praying and reading the Bible are also great ways to experience God's love and comfort through difficult times. God Bless you.......
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Bemorehappy, we all have our own personal with dealing with our emotions. Crying is as natural as laughing but it is harder to laugh when we are unahappy. I wish I could learn to laugh more myself. I used to laugh at everything but I find I am so serious minded these days. But, I am older than you and have health problems along with the problems of my 91 old mother to care for so it is getting more difficult for me to find humor.

I am an avid reader and love my Kindle so I try to find humorous books to read and listening to good upbeat or classical music is good therapy. Maybe you could find a good radio station in your car to listen to on you way to and from work and read funny books "no pun intended" lol Or should I have said, read books with lots of humor. lol...Going through menopause will make you cry more easily. In fact, I was crying so much last year, I had to get medication for it. I am taking Buspar and it has just about stopped my crying spells. It really can be a serious health issue and along with it comes depression. So, please discuss this with your doctor. My love and prayers are with you....

(((HUGS)))

Sunny:)
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It really is true "Laughter is the Best Medicine." I just wish I could learn the technique.
Thanks for sharing that positive note with us.

Sunny:)
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Not me. I'm so bummed and numb that I'll just be glad when it's over.

I have it in my mind (I think) that life is too short at this point in my life to waste any more of it on anger or bitterness. I've lost too much of it already and feeling VERY ripped off!
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Yes, quite often and sometimes, OK a lot of times I don't even understand why. I don't know if it's a combination of menopause or losing my mom to this horrid disease. Sometimes a spoken word by someone or just a thought. I don't cry for long maybe a minute or two but it's generally 3-4 times a day. Blessings
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I don't mean to be flippand and to trivialize the pain that we care givers experience on a daily basis. But crying jags make me even more unhappy and so lately when things get out of hand for me emotionally, I sit in my car and start forcing myself to laugh as the chinese do in their laughing classes. It really does help me and I am not crazy honestly. Research shows that laughter even forced ones actually release the good hormones. Good luck to you
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Every since I have been taking care of my mom for the past 10 months after she had broken her hip and experienced a lot of health issues along with the broken hip, I have been experiencing many crying episodes on and off. Sometimes whenever, I am at my cubical in my office. I sometimes tear up for no reason, but I try to keep my tears inside so no one at work would care why I feel that. way. Last week, I was at my cubical doing my data entry and one person came up to me and said to me, "You don't look like you are happy to be here." Then I said to him, "It is not that at all, I have a lot of things going on in my life." Then he said "Oh okay." I try to cheer myself up by dressing up to the nines, wear make up but it still doesn't mask what I have been feeling for the past year. My dad and my brother doesn't help me at all. One time last year, while my mom was in nursing rehab, I was at the grocery store parking lot and I for no reason started to cry for no reason. It is because I am so overwhelmed. My friends don't understand what I am going through and yet they don't really care one way or the other. Now that I am in the peri menapausal stage ( I am 45), my emotions has gotten a lot more out of whack and my situation doesn't really help. God bless you.
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Is pig's ____ pork? Of course. Many times. Whether we care to admit it or not, most of us are stuck in a life-draining so-called "labor of love." Life passes us by, yet we don that teflon mask every day and pretend to be all s__ts and giggles when someone asks about what we're missing. When the guests go home, the tears begin to flow and the depression take over for a while. There were times when I wanted a medal; other times I pretended to be a martyr. When I couldn't reconcile my life with my mother's, I decided to take mine back. ... Today, I don't feel guilty about the decisions I made; or someone else's opinion about them.
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I do understand nothisfault, it is overwhelming. All of us do what we need to do to get through each day, there is nothing wrong with you, just hang in there.
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I envy all of you who can cry.I wonder if something is wrong with me because I feel so numb from being overwhelmed with caring for my husband with stage 6 dementia at home - that I can't cry. I'm not without emotion because I honestly do feel so very bad for my husband - but for myself, it's an odd feeling sometimes because I feel almost like a robot to just get through each day.
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It is quite understandable, considering what you are going through, have been through. I lost my dad years ago and now have custody of my mom who has alzheimers and I found myself in the same boat, only because it is sad that certain things no longer matter, like cleaning up after a bout of diarreha.
It is part of your life and of course you are going to miss your mother, who was a big part of your life for so long. My husband and dad passed away years ago and I still have days when it makes me cry, cause I still miss them some days more then others. But life if full with the living and when things really get to me, Job is a good book to read. Though I have read the Bible cover to cover several times, got one I could highlight what really caught my attention and the next time something else meant more, so my work Bible is quite colorful. Best of luck and I am sure that you are strong enough to handle whatever life throws at you.
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I still cry alot. My father passed away suddenly on christmas night 2012. I became my mothers caregiver and was shocked how progressed she was.. I saw her everyweek and never realized what her level of care was. My dad kept everything from us.. so I felt like I lost both of my parents that night.. It is so heartbreaking to watch a loved one with dementia.. Best wishes
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I do agree that the tears are a way of cleansing away the pain....at least for a short time. My heart goes out to each and every one of you dealing with the decline and loss of a loved one. When my mother first had her stroke...I mourned for the loss of her independence and the loss of life as I knew it. Nine years down the line, sometimes I just need to cry to release the effects of stress and anxiety. During these nine years that I've been her caregiver, I've lost my Godmother (who was the only family member who would come by to give me a day off each week) and I also lost a beloved granddaughter. Losing loved ones never gets any easier, but the important thing to remember is that in spite of everything, we are not alone. Prayers for strength and peace really help, and if all else fails, a 'good cry' releases a lot of built up anxiety. My best wishes go out to each and every one of you.
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All the time. I have found it is a great stress reliever.
God Bless You.
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When I read all these stories it makes me very reflective on what I too went through. I only want to add here to any and all caretakers. Get RELIEF! I did not push the issue and it nearly did me in. Had I known how much it took out of me I would of demanded from my siblings to help me out. It never happened. BUT then again Dad did not want anyone but me to tend to him. Once I had to have my older brother here while I had back surgery and Dad was like I can take care of myself. Well no he couldn't have. I want to stress this again to all who are tending to loved ones please please please you must get a rest from it or you will end up very sick and then who will tend to your loved one. DO NOT feel guilty about getting a respite. Trust me I wish I had. Watching a loved one decline month after month while running them to doctors and cooking and cleaning and all the other chores involved can take both a physical and emotional toll on your body and mind. I know. I was there. I am healing now And to think after all I went through I would DO IT ALL AGAIN just to have my father back here with me. Lord knows it is hard to let go of a loved one. Do all you can do and then leave the rest to your higher power to take hold of. And do think about a rest from it for yourself and the rest of your family and friends that also need you. And yes CRY IT OUT. I did a lot of that while I was caretaker and afterwards. I think I cried a different sense while I was caretaker as it is grieving - pre-grieving oh yes it is..especially when you know what you have been told by the medical professionals and you see it day in and day out. It is the saddest thing ever to go through. God Bless you all here.
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so sorry for all who have passed, and for care givers who have there loved ones at home, like me im looking after my mum 24/7, and i cry every single day and am frightened i to am having a breakdown, its horrible i hate life at the moment, im very sad for my mum its dreadful to see her deteriorate before my very eyes, but am also sad i have lost my life, my friends cousins, i cant go any were as my mum wants home as soon as i take her out,constantly on her feet all day and most nights banging doors, shes so weak walking that much that shes nearly collapsing, shes so unwell massive headaches every day and i can see her going worse by the week, i cry all the time i do try to hide them from mum but some times its so over whelming it just happens, dementia is the cruelest thing ever, some times i just cant cope and feel as if im going to crack,x
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I have been a full time caregiver now for my mother for 5 months. When I first moved in with her and began care I cried every few days. It was a cleansing release of stress and I felt somewhat renewed, not great, but refreshed enough to continue the day. I have since lost the ability to cry and wish now that I could. I am more stressed without that release. Crying is a perfectly normal and God designed way for a human being to express and release emotional and physical stress.
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