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Lucysmom501 is correct. Reporting someone to the DMV is pointless. They will do nothing. Being elderly is not a crime (like DWI or DUI where upon the courts can direct the DMV to suspend/revoke a license). It is age discrimination and they will not do it. Contacting the local police to have a safety "discussion" with your father MAY convince him to hand over his keys to YOU. However, the police department cannot legally force someone to "give up" their license. Even if the elderly person is in an accident, you cannot force them to give up their driver's license. Nice, huh?
My 64-year old brother-in-law had a stroke one year ago. He is not fully capable to drive safely. In fact, he was recovering at his elderly parents' home and I begged them (my in-laws) to "hide" his car keys. My BIL kept going out to his car in the driveway and starting it (not moving it, just starting it). He was obsessed with wanting to drive again. They told us, "oh, no, he won't drive." Well, guess what? One day while they weren't paying attention to what their son was doing, he got pissed at his parents for some unknown reason and got in his car and drove away. He intention was to drive to Canada (over the border/bridge) to visit his girlfriend. He is also a diabetic and was getting low blood sugar and got totally confused. He drove around for an hour. He was eventually stopped at the bridge by customs and we were called and had to come get him and his car. He is now on the "watch list" at the bridge. He could have killed someone. This all would have been avoided if my in-laws would have just take the keys away.
When he got home, the local police dept was called because he became very nasty, belligerant and abusive (even though he can only say 5 words because of his stroke) because he kept insisting that we give him his car keys. The local police officer told us that even though he had a stroke, in the eyes of the law he still has a valid driver's license and they cannot "legally" take that away from him. Again, nice. So basically, he can get in his car and drive around and possibly kill himself and take someone else with him. Wonderful. We, of course, did NOT give him his car keys back.
My husband took his brother to his primary care doctor and the doctor told my BIL that if he wants to drive, he needs to be re-evaluated at a local hospital clinic where they have a driver evaluation program for stroke victims. This is a 4-hour comprehensive evaluation/exam (using verbal, comprehension and actual driving skills). My father-in-law made the appt for him and off they went to the program. Well, after 1 1/2 hours, he couldn't even get through the verbal/visual /comprehension part -- so no way were they going to let him try the driving part). They told him to come back in a year to be re-evaluated. You can imagine how pissed my BIL was when they told him that! Needless to say, my FIL would not give him his keys. He became more verbally abusive to my in-laws (who are 83 and 88 years old) and the next time my BIL was admitted to the ER because of his blood sugar and insulin meds being all screwed up, they told the Discharge Planner that they could no longer "take care of him" at their home and he was placed in an independent living facility with nurses on staff to administer his meds. My BIL's car is still in my FIL's driveway. Realistically, will my BIL ever drive again? No. Not gonna happen. My FIL should just get rid of the car but my BIL would have to sign over the title and he won't do it. So there the car rots. Ugh.
So bottom line, if your father has dementia and you feel he is a danger to himself and/or others, take the keys. No one likes to give up their indepedence. He may or may not get angry but know you have done the right thing. If he drives and kills someone, whose conscience will that be on? I don't mean to be harsh, but someone's got to do the right thing and that someone is you.
Oh, and by the way, doctors rarely want to get involved in reporting their patients to the DMV. That's not their job and if elderly patients feared their doctors were going to do this, they would stop going to their doctors. They may "suggest" to their patients that they shouldn't drive. Sometimes hearing from their physicians does the trick, but generally doctors don't want to get involved. I don't blame them.
I had that problem with my sister who has Alzheimer's-- someone reporeted her to drivers & vehcles so they cancelled her licence - but that did not stop her. With help from her friends & neighbours we sold her car.It was not an easy thing to do. She put in the dich one time & had to be pulled out.When she did drive it was down the centre of the highway Scary!!. Her thought was They might have taken my licence-- but I still have the one in my wallet .Two years later she still has the one in her wallet:) :)
It is difficult to keep someone from driving as they think they are just fine! We had to tell my mother her car was being fixed and it was taking a long time to get parts! Eventually she forgot about it for the most part, just a question about where her car was form time to time when she was riding with us. Take the car away or they will find a way to replace keys !
We exchanged the key on my husbands key ring with a similar key from another car so his car would not start. Then new excuses were made until he got used to not driving.
Boy can I relate with this one! Dad was 93 and still driving. I voiced my concern to his then primary care physician. He examined him and said he "passed" the dementia test. I then called NJ DMV. In the state of NJ, you cannot take a license away from a driver, no matter the age. They can be voluntarily retested, but they call it "age discrimination" to take their license. If the driver should have an accident or get a summons, the police can request retesting and take the license until they pass the retesting or if they fail, keep it. So, at 93 dad was still driving. His original primary care doctor left and a new one took his place. Asked me if he was still driving. Yep, he is. He told dad to remember 3 words..........he would ask him in a few minutes to repeat the words. I'll never forget them, hat, tree and book. Dad couldn't remember. The doc wrote a script to the DMV saying to revoke his driving privileges due to progression of dementia. I took the script along with his license to DMV and they still didn't want to take his license. They wanted him to come in and they would change the license to just a form of ID. Nope, not going for that, so since the doc told dad no more driving, he was ok with it. I thought it would be so unfair for him to know his car was in the garage, yet he couldn't drive, so I had the car sold within 5 days. At one time I called DMV to ask about his driving and I was told about the age discrimination thing, and also told that there was nothing to stop him from going out and buying a new car if I took his keys away. While I was concerned about his safety, I was more concerned about the safety of others on the road. Just last week, a 91 year old man hit the gas instead of the brake in a shopping center parking lot. He took out 5 parked cars. He got no summons nor was he told to be retested. He used a walker and 2 canes to get around, yet he was driving. My suggestion to anyone with an elderly parent issue is to have the doctor either write a script to DMV telling them the driving license should be revoked or have them retested at DMV. Of course a lot depends on the state you live in too.
A visit to their doctor can stop them from driving. After his doctor told him that he could hurt someone if he continues to drive, my father stopped and we hired Personal Care Attendants to help with errands and grocery shopping.
Do login to your local police department website there will be an officer that handles this specific issue. My mom drove herself to a doctor's appointment and was in an accident that flipped her car and by some miracle no one, including mom was hurt. The car was totaled she then handed over the keys to the tow truck driver. Later she decided she wouldn't get a new car. Please take your dad's keys and don't risk his safety like we did. I recall wringing hands and trying to always be there to drive mom, her car had lots of dings before the accident. We knew. It was time to take her keys, it's very hard for them to give up their independence. In another instance, my younger brother was bike riding and was run off the road by a car that didn't stop. A driver traveling in the opposite direction was able to catch up to the hit and run driver who was an elderly man, who when asked why he didn't stop when he hit the cyclist replied:"what cyclist?" I am all for safety and teamwork so use these stories and your doctors and local police officers, they are here to help us. Ps, my brother had a helmet on that day and rides bike paths now.
If the car is moved they can report it stolen , or even worse buy another . If you disable it she can call the AA. They need to give up the keys voluntarily. My mun "gave up " her car to me as mine was alot older and we thought she might feel better about giving it up if she thought she was helping me out. Its awful that you practically have to wait for them to have an accident before anyone will step in and help.
Oh boy KristinL, can I relate. My Mom had an "event" in early September. My Stepdad had her taken to hospital, all the tests they did there, all the test by vascular surgeon, neurologist after that, no one ever decided if it had been a TIA or seizure. But, neurologist told her she could not drive for 6 months without a definitive diagnosis and a treatment in place.
Neuro typed that up, even noted that "daughter had been informed". All follow ups with her GP, he brings that up to her, tells her not to drive. She calls me all the time wanting to know if I want to go places with her, wants to know if I want to her to pick me up!!! I've told her and told her, GP even asked her how she'd feel if she killed a family, Step Dad has told her and told her, she's flat ignoring everyone.
I don't know if any of the Docs clued in the DMV or not, or if she was ever put on temporary suspension, (of if they only get involved to completely cancel a license), or, ?. Of course she'd never admit it if she did get a letter from them. Really frustrating. One month left on the neurologist ordered restriction is all, ...and then what? She shouldn't be driving IMO, but Stepdad was actually going to let her drive herself to an appointment recently, (that I found out about and took her to instead). I think she's worn him down. It's a real problem, watched my Great Grandparents and Grandparents go down this same path, most gave up the keys with grace...I'll be watching this post. Best of luck.
You had better take away the keys or he may be driving to Alaska or whatever. He could also end up killing someone. You may be able to save money on car insurance by contacting driver's license bureau - get the necessary papers (birth certificate, etc) and get his license taken away and replaced with an ID card.
My mother also has this FTD. It didn't matter what we said , or who told her she couldn't drive. As far as she was concerned she was a good driver and what did these people know about it , they had never even seen her drive! Eventually we contacted or local community policeman , who kindly came round (in uniform) and had a chat with her. She gave up her keys then. Shes wasn't fit to drive but her Dr was reluctant to report her to the DVLA. Technically I dont even thick she was covered by her insurers as they didnt know about her dementia. At the end of the day I couldn't have it on my conscience if she had an accident and hurt or killed someone. Good luck .x
My husband's neurologist ordered a driving assessment by an occupational therapist. The results were then given to us & doctor and doctor notified DMV, which notified us to turn in license. Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster (understandably). My defense to husband is he is being responsible and eliminating accidents or worse. Also, remind him there are worse things than not being able to drive. Doesn't always work, but at least my worry load is lessened by one thing, but now I do all driving and he wants to go everywhere with me. There are tradeoffs I guess......
When my dad wanted to keep driving when I knew he shouldn't I tried to discuss it with him. That didn't work. Then I tried to be more forceful and that didn't work either. Finally, I had his Dr. speak to him about it and that finally did the trick. However, I was prepared to take his car keys if I had to.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My 64-year old brother-in-law had a stroke one year ago. He is not fully capable to drive safely. In fact, he was recovering at his elderly parents' home and I begged them (my in-laws) to "hide" his car keys. My BIL kept going out to his car in the driveway and starting it (not moving it, just starting it). He was obsessed with wanting to drive again. They told us, "oh, no, he won't drive." Well, guess what? One day while they weren't paying attention to what their son was doing, he got pissed at his parents for some unknown reason and got in his car and drove away. He intention was to drive to Canada (over the border/bridge) to visit his girlfriend. He is also a diabetic and was getting low blood sugar and got totally confused. He drove around for an hour. He was eventually stopped at the bridge by customs and we were called and had to come get him and his car. He is now on the "watch list" at the bridge. He could have killed someone. This all would have been avoided if my in-laws would have just take the keys away.
When he got home, the local police dept was called because he became very nasty, belligerant and abusive (even though he can only say 5 words because of his stroke) because he kept insisting that we give him his car keys. The local police officer told us that even though he had a stroke, in the eyes of the law he still has a valid driver's license and they cannot "legally" take that away from him. Again, nice. So basically, he can get in his car and drive around and possibly kill himself and take someone else with him. Wonderful. We, of course, did NOT give him his car keys back.
My husband took his brother to his primary care doctor and the doctor told my BIL that if he wants to drive, he needs to be re-evaluated at a local hospital clinic where they have a driver evaluation program for stroke victims. This is a 4-hour comprehensive evaluation/exam (using verbal, comprehension and actual driving skills). My father-in-law made the appt for him and off they went to the program. Well, after 1 1/2 hours, he couldn't even get through the verbal/visual /comprehension part -- so no way were they going to let him try the driving part). They told him to come back in a year to be re-evaluated. You can imagine how pissed my BIL was when they told him that! Needless to say, my FIL would not give him his keys. He became more verbally abusive to my in-laws (who are 83 and 88 years old) and the next time my BIL was admitted to the ER because of his blood sugar and insulin meds being all screwed up, they told the Discharge Planner that they could no longer "take care of him" at their home and he was placed in an independent living facility with nurses on staff to administer his meds. My BIL's car is still in my FIL's driveway. Realistically, will my BIL ever drive again? No. Not gonna happen. My FIL should just get rid of the car but my BIL would have to sign over the title and he won't do it. So there the car rots. Ugh.
So bottom line, if your father has dementia and you feel he is a danger to himself and/or others, take the keys. No one likes to give up their indepedence. He may or may not get angry but know you have done the right thing. If he drives and kills someone, whose conscience will that be on? I don't mean to be harsh, but someone's got to do the right thing and that someone is you.
Oh, and by the way, doctors rarely want to get involved in reporting their patients to the DMV. That's not their job and if elderly patients feared their doctors were going to do this, they would stop going to their doctors. They may "suggest" to their patients that they shouldn't drive. Sometimes hearing from their physicians does the trick, but generally doctors don't want to get involved. I don't blame them.
With help from her friends & neighbours we sold her car.It was not an easy thing to do. She put in the dich one time & had to be pulled out.When she did drive it was down the centre of the highway Scary!!. Her thought was They might have taken my licence-- but I still have the one in my wallet .Two years later she still has the one in her wallet:) :)
Neuro typed that up, even noted that "daughter had been informed". All follow ups with her GP, he brings that up to her, tells her not to drive. She calls me all the time wanting to know if I want to go places with her, wants to know if I want to her to pick me up!!! I've told her and told her, GP even asked her how she'd feel if she killed a family, Step Dad has told her and told her, she's flat ignoring everyone.
I don't know if any of the Docs clued in the DMV or not, or if she was ever put on temporary suspension, (of if they only get involved to completely cancel a license), or, ?. Of course she'd never admit it if she did get a letter from them. Really frustrating. One month left on the neurologist ordered restriction is all, ...and then what? She shouldn't be driving IMO, but Stepdad was actually going to let her drive herself to an appointment recently, (that I found out about and took her to instead). I think she's worn him down. It's a real problem, watched my Great Grandparents and Grandparents go down this same path, most gave up the keys with grace...I'll be watching this post. Best of luck.
Eventually we contacted or local community policeman , who kindly came round (in uniform) and had a chat with her. She gave up her keys then.
Shes wasn't fit to drive but her Dr was reluctant to report her to the DVLA. Technically I dont even thick she was covered by her insurers as they didnt know about her dementia. At the end of the day I couldn't have it on my conscience if she had an accident and hurt or killed someone. Good luck .x
Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster (understandably). My defense to husband is he is being responsible and eliminating accidents or worse. Also, remind him there are worse things than not being able to drive. Doesn't always work, but at least my worry load is lessened by one thing, but now I do all driving and he wants to go everywhere with me. There are tradeoffs I guess......