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Has anyone had to deal with a parent who is selective in how they individually treat their adult offspring?

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I hate to say it but I think your mother is a nosy busybody. I'm not trying to offend but I've seen mothers like this who treat their grown kids like they were still youngsters. She still wants to be like she was when you were young. Mothers come into the bathroom and won't think anything about it when they're young and she's trying to act like you shouldn't have any problem with her coming in and out. You need a lock on the door if you don't want to live alone. If I were you, I would check with the city where you're living and see what they can do for you in either a rent-controlled apartment or house or low-income housing. It sounds like you live with Mom instead of the other way around, Mom living with you. That may sound strange but the one who actually "has" the house will make more of the rules to live by so if you get a low-income house, Mom comes to live with you since you don't want to live by yourself, you can make the rules that SHE will live by. One of the rules is; locks on the doors that you deem necessary, she doesn't come into your bedroom unless you invite her in for some reason, make sure she has the chest of drawers or dressers she needs to "put stuff" so she won't need to use anything of yours. Make sure she has her own bathroom and explain (I'm sure you have explained before) that you are a grown man and need privacy. She WON'T be coming in the bathroom while you're in there. It may take awhile to get a house of your own to live in but make application right away so you can get in the line to be called when one is available. She doesn't really think of you as being a grown man since you have the health problems and she thinks you need her to look after you. Lock your door at night so she won't come in now and in the meantime, see what you can do to put some shelving in her closet so she has something to put stuff on. In other words, get rid of all the excuses for coming in your room so she can't use them any more.
Your father and stepmother sounds like they are busy people if they make that kind of money. Some people like that do buy food on a daily basis for 2 reasons, one is so the greens are fresh and the meat is not frozen. Most food taste better if they cook food that way. The other is so there isn't food for someone else to take advantage of their having plenty of food available and would want you to supply your own food to eat if you were to stay there. I really don't understand why you don't want to live by yourself unless you have health problems that worry you. Your mother can go to your brothers house if they will take her and you can get a roommate who will mind their own business if that is an option. Good luck in whatever you do. It's also easier to find a girlfriend if you don't live with your mother too.
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Terry512-I am not female, and have only one younger brother. But I do think my mother prefers my brother to me. I will be 49 in May 2016. I am on disability and not working since 1997. I worked full-time for the U.S. Government for four years 1991-1995. I moved to Minnesota on the shores of Lake Superior. I prefer not to live by myself. Because of my health. My brother n' sister-in-law and their two kids live in a mid-size apartment in San Francisco. My elderly mother can't resist butting into my life. Like she feels she needs to be involved in everything to do with me. The door has a lock. But, When the door was hung on the track. They didn't set it properly. So, It doesn't lock properly. I shut the door when I don't want to be disturbed. She said it makes the room smell. She also said to keep the doors open so I get cross-ventilation. I don't entirely buy that. Because, There are two doors to the bedroom. The pocket door, and the door that goes to the bathroom. But, Then she made the excuse of my not locking the bathroom door, when I take a shower. I asked her what she would think. If she were taking a shower(which she rarely does), and I walked in the bathroom. I was both appalled and disgusted. She was making an excuse that I couldn't have any privacy. She will walk in my bedroom when I am asleep. Just because she wants' something from a cabinet, or closet. Making the excuse that she has no where else to put the stuff. When her closet is three times the size of mine.

My parents' have been divorced since I was 3yrs.-old. I have thought about moving to my dad n' step-mothers'. But, They have different eating habits and lifestyles. I sleep from 0500-1200. My father n' step-mother sleep from 2200-0500. Also, They buy groceries by the day. Their refrigerators are always bare. They make a combined $100,000. Yet keep no food in the house. So they go to the grocery store daily.
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Chris516, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said your mother prefers your brothers to you. It doesn't necessarily mean that she prefers the boys to the girl but it turned out that way for you. My situation was similar. I was the middle child and my dad preferred my older sister anytime of day or night. The sun rose and set on that girl and I was the "other one". 8 years later after I was born, my brother was born. He had his "boy"! As far as he was concerned, he had two children and never failed to let me know about it. I heard it many times; why can't I be more like my sister, or more like my brother? When we were growing up, she could pull my hair, hit me, pinch me and I couldn't do anything about it. She was just teasing according to him but if I hit her back, by golly we were fighting then and I must have started it. Off came the belt. Naturally, I got married at 16 and moved to my own home, one reason being to get away from him. We just existed the next 2 decades, saw each other when I went back to visit my mother. He would usually leave when I got there and showed up when it was time for me to leave to go back home. I hated him for years but eventually I just chalked it up to ignorance and decided it was too much effort to hate and let go of it. We finally started getting along when I was in my mid-40's. I don't know what changed him but he started treating me fine from that point on. Parents get something in their head about a child and just don't like them and the same goes for kids. Some kids literally hate one or more parent and leave home early, and never go back. Mothers sometimes expect more out of their girls than they do the boys. My theory is they think the girls are like themselves and therefore, are much smarter than the boy so they don't expect much from the boy but the girl, since she is "just like mom" she expects so much more out of her and gets upset when any infraction of the rules are broken. Boys can get away with it but it's much harder for girls.
Chris, you sure do have a list of health issues. I assume you are still on disability and not working. Any chance of you living elsewhere? My yourself? with one of your siblings? She sounds like she resents having someone else living there but if there isn't anything you can do about it, maybe you can have a talk with her. Explain that you realize how she feels about you and she makes you feel unwanted in your own home. I had a pocket door that also locked. You may need the help of either your brothers or call a locksmith and have them help you. Anytime you are busy and don't want to be disturbed, just lock yourself in and pretend you're asleep when she tries to get in. Being daddy's favorite didn't help your relationship with her either. Maybe your dad can talk to her for you if she won't listen to you. She's making your life hell just for the fun of it sounds like. Is it possible for you to live with your dad and stepmother? Good luck in getting this situation under control. Something needs to give and I hope it isn't your aneurysm.
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I am also the youngest and was in a care giver class not so long ago and they said that I should express my needs by saying that when my parents do certain things it 'makes me feel bad' and I thought it was funny because my family doesn't CARE how I feel. It has been this way all of my life. I just get a blank stare when I complain or even when I say to their face that I know they don't care about my feeling.
I have the same problem as Chris, except that my mother also takes my clothes! I also have health problems and it's like you are second class. When I rent a movie, I even get interrupted. The only way that I was able to get any help from siblings was to threaten to leave. I said that they either had to get me some help or I would move out. In my family there is a hierarchy and I am on the very bottom.
Absolutely I would get a lock for the door!
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Thanks, I will check it out.
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Chris516, Pocket doors can be locked. Go to over to Home Depot and ask for a pocket door lock.
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Sendme2help, I can't do that. The doors slide into the wall.
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Put a lock on your door.
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JessieBelle, Living with my mother is like living in purgatory, if not hell. We live in the same two-story house. She will barge into my room(she owns the house), even when I am sleeping. To get things that aren't a do-or-die necessity. When I am not asleep. She will do things like come into my bedroom to see what I am doing on the computer. Not out of suspicion, but out of curiosity. I am almost 50yrs.-old(May 2017). Because her vision problems, she will put her face inches from the screen while I am doing something. When I am watching tv without a problem. She will suddenly ask me if I can hear something on the tv. She will give respect to my younger brother n' sister-in-law. By respecting their space, when they are here. She will ask me a question about technology, then not like the answer I give her. But, If my younger brother gives my mother the same answer, she will trust him without questioning the answer he gave her.

I sometimes wonder if I am a big disappointment to her. My younger brother n' sister-in-law, both have a Ph.D. Whereas, I dropped out of college twice. I have had major (physical)health problems since birth, and went on disability after I had to quit my U.S. Government job. But apart from depression my brother doesn't any. I was married 1992-2000. To a woman that never accepted my health problems(or hers). My brother n' sister-in-law have been married since 1999. The only 'major' health problem, if it could be called that. Is that she is allergic to cats.

The only things I can do despite my major health problems(congenital brain aneurysm, congenital hydrocephalus, epilepsy), that my brother can't do. Is play the drums, or ride a (road)racing bike in 40mph traffic without flinching.

Other than that, I just feel like a doormat, a servant.

My mother is quick to criticize, and I don't believe her if she complements me about something.
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There are three of us. Oldest brother, older brother and me - the eternal little sister; at least that's how my brothers still see and treat me even though I'm a grown as* woman in my early 50's! I was daddy's favorite which eats up older brother to this day even though dads been gone 3 1/2 years - always has, always will. Oldest brother never seemed to mind. Older brother is my moms favorite child - her " baby boy" as she just referred to him last week. I don't mind, oldest brother doesn't mind. As mother Violet from the film August Osage County said "a parent always has a favorite, big deal". It can be a big deal if we let it. Especially if you are the one doing all the work, getting all the abuse and the darling can do no wrong. I just need to get over his condescending, superior, know - it - all attitude that comes from being the darling. That's harder.
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It's no fun being treated as the underling. In my family, sons were placed on pedestals while the women were deemed second class. I try not to get wound up about it but it's hard sometimes. Anyway, Chris you're not alone.
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What has been happening, Chris?
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I have even talked to my father n' step-mother(who live locally), and maternal aunt(an R.N. who lives several states away) about what has been happening. None of them are taking me seriously. Oh well.
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My mother has a strong preference for her sons. It has always been that way. Her life now revolves around the son that lives the closest, though he rarely talks to her. She talks about him and his family all the time. Now, this is rather sad. She has pictures of her sons & their families around, but none of me. I'm the invisible kid. Strange that I am also the only one who pays any attention to her. I'm not hurt, because she devalues women in general. Probably has much to do with her patriarchal rearing and inherent competition with other women.

I could have a good pity party here if I wanted to. :-)
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Lots of us. The caregiver closest gets the biggest beating.
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