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For the past few months my mom (73) started to have extreme dizziness. It had been constant for days at a time and wouldn't cease, she even felt dizzy while laying down. Anytime she would get up she immediately felt like she was going to fall backwards. I thought it could be dehydration but when I got her to drink more water it didn't seem to help much.


A week after this started, she started to complain about a pain in her chest when she would breathe in. Every time she takes a breath, she says it's painful. It got to the point that every breath she took also caused her to whimper or cry out. She gasps for air quite often.


Along with all this, she also is fatigued and sleeps quite a lot. She also complains of other pains as well, mostly around her abdomen, her side and back and definitely has digestive issues.


Anyone know what the possibility of all this could be? My mom is extremely stubborn and refuses doctor care. She doesn't trust doctors and literally believes they are out to kill her, so I am unable to get her to one. I've had to call an ambulance in the past but she always refuses to accept help and will not go. Due to this they can never do anything and I feel helpless and lost in what to do.


I'd really appreciate any insight of what might be going on with her, or what I could do about this situation. I'm her sole caregiver and this reality of just being forced to deal with this because she refuses any outside help is draining me and affecting my own quality of life. I'm so depressed.

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I am an RN.

This could be literally ANYTHING, but the CERTAIN thing is that this is something for the MD.
If your mother has refused an ambulance to the hospital and refused to see an MD then she has chosen death over life. As long as she recognizes that and accepts it there's not much you can do. Her symptoms are cerebral-vascular and in that DIRE.

Again, without testing this could be anything. But if your mother refuses care, and EMS refuses to TAKE HER TO CARE, you cannot change anything by force in a competent person. So when she gives you her next complaint in this long litany of them shrug and tell her "Sorry to hear that. Let me know if you would like to see a doctor" and get on with your life. What other choice is there?
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Andromedan Sep 2023
Thank you for responding, that quote at the end is helpful and I'll use it with her. I guess there really is nothing I can do if this is what she's choosing.
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In your profile, you say mother suffers from Alzheimer's/dementia. In that case, she is NOT of sound mind. Tell the EMTs she has dementia and you, as POA, insist she be taken to the ER. Even if you do not have POA, tell them (privately) she suffers from dementia and you, as her primary caregiver, insist she be taken to the ER. It's better to ask forgiveness than permission.

Enough already with what these elders "want"! You're giving up your life to care for the woman and do NOT want to watch her die in front of your eyes for something that may be fixable. She can go to the ER or the nearest nursing home for care. Her choice.
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Andromedan Sep 2023
I'm only assuming she has Alzheimer's/dementia because I grew up watching my grandmother with it before it killed her, and her mannerisms are becoming very similar. There are times I'll wake up in the middle of the night and she'll just be standing in the middle of the room confused. (she lives with me in a small studio room)
I wish I could get an official diagnosis with her, but I can't with her refusal to get checked by a doctor. :(

It would be okay to say I'm POA even if I'm not just so they take her? Or you think the EMTs would understand? It would be such a dream to get her in front of a doctor.

Thank you for your comment... I never imagined this is how real life was, where someone can be in so much pain and there is literally no help if the person just refuses things. It's so hard.
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I'll add a recommendation to the home tool kit: a pulse oximeter (clips on finger, easy to use). Shows oxygen level and pulse. You could use the BP cuff and oximeter to get baseline readings, when mom is not having an "episode" so you (or EMTs) would have a point of comparison.
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Andromedan Sep 2023
Thank you for the advice! I'm going to look into getting these things :)
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Andro, you seem to be a somewhat indecisive person.

Are you interested in saving your mother's life?

Or do you feel it's time to let her go?

Your answer to this really determines how you proceed from this point. Give it some thought.
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Andromedan Sep 2023
It's not that I don't want to save her, but I've been taking care of her for 9 years now and I don't think I can continue doing this on my own. I have my own issues of trying to take my own life, I'm on meds for anxiety and depression. All I do is go to work when I'm not with her and all my money goes to her. I have no life. I just feel like a shell trying to make her life comfortable, with no help because there is no other family, and I have no idea what help I'm able to get her, I have no idea how any of this works.
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I so hope you called an ambulance and took Mom to the hospital. I hope she spent at least 3 days there so Rehab is suggested and you have her sent there. While she is there you ask for a 24/7 evaluation. If found Mom needs 24/7 care you then tell the Social Worker that you can no longer care for Mom and she will need to transition to Longterm care. Where I live LTC and Rehab are in the same building. If Mom has no money other than her Social Security and maybe a pension, Medicaid can be applied for. If you are living with her, you should be able to stay in the house (its an exempt asset for Mom) under the Caregiver allowance.
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Reading more here about your assuming Mom has Alzheimer's. You may be correct, but there would be more symptoms that just refusing medical care. And if this is Alzheimers, and you are not POA, it's too late to have her sign you on as that. But really, if she is not diagnosed but DOES seem to have dementia, then you are going to need to get EMS to take her into the hospital, telling them about symptoms and that she is not responding appropriately. YOu can ham this up a bit with "I think she is having a stroke (heart attack, whatever). When she is at hospital is a good time to call in social services, be certain she is diagnosed. No doctor will hold her, and many would order hospice if tests don't turn out well, but you will know where things are standing. No reason she has to accept treatment, but if she isn't mentally sound there is no reason to let her die at home from something easily treated. Difficult decisions here for you to make.
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Absolutely, she needs to see a doctor. Call 911 where they will hospitalize her and do tests to determine what it is. Think- it could be A-fib which is very serious and can lead to a stroke. Please Don”t wait!
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I agree with Alva to call 911 next time she has an episode and tell them you think she may be having a stroke or heart attack. If she still fends them off, that's as much as you can do until she has a more profound event where she is not capable of saying no to medical attention.
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In the absence of a call to 911, I would find a local hospice to come in to evaluate.

It seems your mom is not desiring of any treatment and therefore, hospice care is the obvious choice.
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AlvaDeer Sep 2023
Problem here is that an MD has to order hospice
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Since she appears to be incompetent and you are not POA you would have to petition to become her Guardian.
A call to APS or your local Senior Services center they can evaluate her as to her needs. A Social Worker may start Guardianship proceedings. If you chose to be Guardian you will be appointed but if you do not wish this the Court Will appoint a Guardian. At that point her care will be out of your hands.
If she is taken to the hospital by the paramedics the medical staff will ask about POA. As "next of Kin" you would probably be able to make decisions BUT if you make a decision that they do not agree with then it could become tricky. (for example, If you want to take mom home and if they say she can not be discharge to your care because they do not feel that you are able to handle her care safely they may file paperwork to prohibit you from taking her home)
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