Do dementia patients have a negative disposition?

Everyone is different.
My Husband was easy going prior to dementia diagnosis and after as well. He was non verbal but every time I talked to him he would smile. When I told him I was leaving to go to the store, he would turn his head and give me a kiss, when I got back he would give me a kiss. (He would kiss me if I leaned in to kiss him, he never initiated a kiss or a hug) He would hold my hand as much and as often as he could.

I would say they have all the stops out, in that they are not socially inhibited as most of us are. They are not able to "put a good face on it". They react as they feel. For the elderly there is little to be thrilled about it. Whereas for you there is everything ahead of you, a world of possibilities, for us it is behind us, and ahead is loss after loss after loss. We lose our loved ones, our careers, our importance to family, our mobility, the ability to have a well body rather than one that aches in every part, and finally we lose our minds, and the ability to retain the memories that make us who we are. It can be a depressing world. For more of us than you can imagine, we will not be sad to make our exit; we have "been there and done that" if you will.
Why don't you ask gran about happy memories. Ask her what is difficult for her now. It might not be happy talk,but you might learn a lot about what she feels.

There is no single pattern of temperament, demeanor or personality for dementia patients. Some may be docile and agreeable. Others may be depressed or apathetic or even paranoid. As the disease progresses, the person may exhibit different personalities or maintain the same temperament throughout the disease. Just remember, her behavior is not a reflection on you or the love you have for her.

My 94 y/o mother with dementia has a nasty disposition with me; with others, she's as nice as can be. All she does is complain and bemoan her lot in life, and how her life has been miserable, and how her husband didn't give her what she deserved, and blah blah BLAH. Meanwhile, she's never had cancer, a serious surgery, nothing. She's led an easy peasy life with no hardships of any kind, no poverty, nothing to really complain about, so she invents it. She's never been grateful for a single thing in her life, ever, and that's a disgusting way to live life. For ALL us who have to listen to her, frankly.

Your gran should thank God for all she DOES have and the family who bends over backwards to make her happy and give her company & help. Or one day, she may find herself alone b/c the family got sick and tired of putting up with her crap and quit coming around. Then she'll REALLY have something to be upset about huh?

A common pattern is that they're mean to their primary caregiver (especially if it's a family member), but nice to everyone else.

I’ve been taking care of my dad almost full time the last year. While he was rarely what I’d call cheerful in my entire life he is now the almighty Eeore. The only person he likes is the dog. The only thing he enjoys is the dog. Every day is a series of complaints, regrets, past failures, suspensions that people are taking his stuff, accusations, and woe is me. His rare happiness is planning getting a job, buying vehicles, buying a large house, getting married and starting a family. He then gets mad if anyone questions any of it.
I struggle with having no life as every moment he is awake is a game of avoid conflict and try to find 1 thing to enjoy, connect, or live through with him. Every thing I watch he has seen many times years ago and “you’d have to be a real moron to enjoy something as stupid as that” comments. All music is bad, all games are stupid. All activities are boring.

Mom was always, always easy going and non-demanding. Loved her so much and hated leaving her totally in the hands of my sister but could not be around sibling any longer. Mom didn’t last much after leaving and it broke my heart. At times I felt I should have toughed it out. Mom sweetheart before and after.

Dad also, for the most part, is easy going but a bit more demanding (cut my nails, does my hair need combing, I want coffee, etc). So now that he is in the hospital setting for a bit, we are trying to get him doing more for himself. Not sure how much he was getting to do on his own in nursing home because he was far away and I only got to see 2 or 3 times a month. Dad demanding before and still after. The feisty one.

I have an uncle and his wife says sometime has attitude. For example, not going to eat this and across the floor the food goes. This seem to match his personality the entire lifespan as well. Seemed a bit mean.

But guess it depends on many factures.

Dementia patients CAN respond favorably to antidepressant medication, if it’s carefully introduced in small doses so that symptom reduction can be carefully monitored in relation to dosage.

Your gran has a very complex set of really difficult conditions which individually can produce pain, depressive reactions, and overall limited positive responses to surroundings.

With every possible bit of due respect for you as a caregiver, you really don’t’ “…know dementia is hard…” because you (hopefully) don’t have dementia, and every dementia is different. Then couple that with Parkinson’s?

Your concept of “something nice” may just not be matching anything in HER ability to respond, or may even more simply just not occur to her as being “something nice”.

How do you know that she is “….thinking about how terrible her life is”?

SO— Is she taking some sort of mood management medication? Has her medical supervisor suggested that she might benefit from that approach? Could you contact the physician who sees her and ask for input on that possibility?

She s SO lucky to be surrounded by people who love her and want to help. Maybe it would be good for all of you if she were able to respond more positively.

My mother is 87 and rarely if ever happy. She has been screened for Dementia and Alzhemer's she has neither. She complains endlessly about her being lonely but she gets at least 3 visitors a day and she plays cards 2-3 times a week with friends in her circle. She is upbeat and bright around her friends but when I am there helping her with something she talks non stop about her miserable lonely life. I can do nothing to please her, if I run an errand and get her supplies she b*****s that the bottle has a different label or that I bought too much ____ and she will never use all that before she dies. One thing that my mother loves to do is to make mountains out of mole hills. She also loves to make other people miserable. Your gran might be doing the same thing.

People living with dementia are certainly at increased risk of clinical depression. On top of that, living as they do in a world that is no longer making sense, where weird stuff keeps happening that they cannot understand, is it any wonder that they can be fearful, anxious, paranoid?

Your grandmother's focus on the negative, though, does suggest that she is feeling the sadness and despair associated with depression; and there may be ways to correct the chemical imbalance that could be causing it. Ask her doctor to consider and investigate the possibility.

Try to set aside your natural feelings of rejection so that you don't resent her seeming ingratitude. Just at this phase of her cruel disease, she can no more appreciate the warmth and love that the family surrounds her with than a blind person can see the beautiful flowers.

My 92 YO mom who is in memory care is a "favorite" of the staff because she is always "happy." She is not combative or negative. She is living in a fantasy world that apparently meets her emotional needs. Every patient is different. May be a reflection of their usual disposition prior to dementia took hold. Some people are glass half full and some are glass half empty.

Thank you for all your replies, it really helps to get different perspectives.

dementia doesn’t make you forget how much you’ve lost !!!
my husband recently passed from LBD and although he had delusions
hallucinations … he had a lot of lucid
times when he was very sad and was aware of everything that he lost up to time he died.
it’s a mistake to think they don’t have that awareness….
Don’t minimize their pain … and try to cheer them up !!!
they have every right to be sad !!! !
wouldn’t you ???
I used to agree with my husband and say we have try make best of
this situation.. he’s getting best care
family close by .. etc. And then change subject …let’s get a snack …
shall I get pizza for dinner ….
whatever …
good luck

Anyone with any illness will act that way because their only frame if reference are the 100% capable people around them. This is one reason why i moved with mom to a retirenent community. There, she met all sorts of wonderful seniors who had it worse than her..it was like "i don't have it as bad as" so and so..maybe there is a local adult daycare the she could go weekly to socialize gran and change the routine :)

"Every patient is different" is the wisest statement in these remarks.

If a patient was lonely or insecure BEFORE the dementia showed up, elements of that loneliness or insecure makeup may express themselves in an unusual way AFTER the initial diagnose is made.

As I read these notes and comments, I get the feeling that most of the questions are looking for "quick fixes" or "pat answers" or (to put it more plainly: My Patient should act like your Patient did.

Not so, in many cases. Whereas we look for similiarities in the behavior of our Patient, for insight and understanding as to how to respond, there may be a different reason for that reaction from the perspective of the patient. In dementia, the "wires of their communications and expressions simply get crossed up, short-circuted, or (somehow) reverted to older memories or experiences.

Patience is the virture we need as caregivers; not "reactiveness".

Theron Few

For the last ten years, I've been visiting a lady at the nearby state-run facility for people who had mental illness and are now diagnosed as having dementia. They are wards of the state. I would say that I have seen quite a variation of personalities when I was there.

Happy: Hope, the longest and oldest resident there, was always a joy to see. The staff said she was a favorite patient, always upbeat and never complaining. She sat all day in her wheelchair with her head bent to her chest but as soon as she heard a voice, her head popped to the side and she had a big smile and a friendly greeting. She died last year.

Content: Noah always greeted me enthusiastically and wanted me to come into his room to see his Bible collection. When I found out his last name was the same as a cousin of someone at church, I asked if they were related. She was shocked to find out that her Uncle Noah was there, twenty minutes from her house. She said he'd been "put away" as a young adult and no one ever talked about him. I told her how sweet he was and hoped she would visit. She didn't. He died last year.

Discontent, but happy in his delusions: James always told me that he was getting out of "this place" because he didn't belong there, he wasn't like "them." And then he would tell fantastic fabrications of being an ER doc, a mountain climber, the captain on a cruise ship, etc. He actually did "get out" -- his family was still involved in his life and he was moved to another facility closer to them.

Aggressive: A lady from Puerto Rico, who only spoke Spanish, was loud and intimidating. Those who could understand her (I couldn't) said she was mad about things that were not what she culturally grew up knowing, the food especially. She was always looking for a fight, I steered clear of her. Her family turned her over to the state because they were afraid of her and needed her to be somewhere safe. She also died last year.

Dull: The lady I visit, Ruth, has moments of brightness and then just disappears so to speak, no emotion. But she'll say things like, "They say I have dementia. I don't have dementia. I would know if I had dementia." Her first words to me this week were, "Jesus loves you." (I started crying right away, I needed to hear those words after just being through another hyper-spiritual tirade from my husband about how disgusting I am to God. It never ceases to amaze me how God can speak to us, even through the a lady with dementia.) The rest of the visit she talked repeatedly about falling and how she hurts all over and her food needs to be pureed. I tried to redirect her with some of the things I know about her past (she has told some wild stories but many of them checked out true -- her parents made horror and XXX movies back in the 60s and 70s -- I actually found their IMDB pages; they had three homes, one was on Long Island and I thought I could get her to chat a bit about growing up on Long Island) but she was fixated this visit on falling and pureed food and pretty much devoid of emotion.

So, not all dementia patients have a negative disposition. I really think much of it goes back to their disposition as a child. Hope and Noah both had Mennonite upbringing. James was highly intelligent, very academic and well-read (hence the detailed stories). The Puerto Rican lady I never learned enough about to picture her childhood. Ruth had a lot of unsavory people in her life as a child, I suspect she may have been abused by some of them (even filmed), and perhaps that is why she becomes dull, maybe she had a habit of shutting down emotions as a child.

I wonder if it's time for an anti-depressant for your Gran? Made a huge difference with my Mom.

Dementia is brain damage. She cannot control her thoughts or feelings. It is not her fault. It is hard on family members, please keep reminding yourself it is not her fault.

I am interested in this question. My Dad seems to look for negative experiences. He focuses on glass half full. I feel like he wants to be angry because it will make his testosterone go up and he will feel better. I have suggested an anti-depre but he is not interested.

My father throughout his life was a very balanced individual pleasant funny with different moods so to speak like everyone else in life. One mood did not take precedent over another. As his dementia set in he became even more pleasant sweet cooperative appreciative and thankful and never got upset he was a joy to everyone around him. So throughout his life he was a great guy. The dementia while it slowed him down a bit he persevered through it until the end. Pleasant up until the last four days of his life when he was no longer aware. So each individual patient is different as others have stated on this forum. Patience empathy compassion love keeping them as active as possible and always have a smile on your face.

My mom hasnt been diagnosed yet due to the fact that she is stubborn and grouchy and wont let me take her to the doctor yet. I do believe that they get negative.

Read more about dementia and what it does to a person. No one case is necessarily similiar. Dementia is not about you or your family and how much you love her. It is a brain, mood, behavior, altering disease. She is not the same person and no one knows what is going on in her head especially not her. Don't take it personal but be there for her regardless and whatever her behavior is just be patient and understand its the disease and remember who she was. Try and help her in any way possible. You will change too. Its inevitable unless you have full time help where a group of you pitch in to help her so one gets burned out. Just remember what she is today may be different tomorrow or next week or next month. Imagine going to the grocery store then coming out not knowing where you are.. Or the next day not knowing how to drive or not being able to remember simple things. Dementia is a terrible mind altering disease and loved ones may not act the way you think or want. Just support as much as you can and be there like you all are.

Oh.... And anti-depressants may work but be very careful. They could also do some harm in other areas. Just monitor her closely as im sure you all would do. They actually didn't work for my mom and gave other side affects that were negative. Not all medications work and could be harmful. That's with all meds. So do your research. The best Drs. She can have are her family who are with her and can monitor her everyday. Don't just let the drs experiment or go with everything they say. Listen ask questions do your research watch her after she starts them and don't be afraid to say no or tell them this isn't working.

Mental outlook and attitude are not a choice when you have dementia. You and I can look around and recognize the good we have. With dementia, portions of the brain are dying, so choices, and perking up and being grateful are not alway an option. It would be like expecting an amputee to use the hand they lost. Just because you can’t see the deficit, doesn’t mean it’s not real. Different portions of the brain effect so many different aspects of how we respond to stimulation, understanding which dementia ( there are over 100) and what it effects/controls is the first step for caregiver/ family

@Becky139. I'm sorry for your troubles and I have no advice. Just wanted to say I'd do anything to have a family of origin like yours - people who care about their relative. Bravo to all of you.

I would think each person would react to the damage done to their brain differently. I’ve heard many can’t recall current events but are able to remember things from decades ago. Who knows what memories are in her mind now. But having Alzheimer’s would be terrible.

Everybody including doctors seem to think a magic pill will fix everything. Well, they don't. Sometimes they seems to help...but they can also do harm and is especially risky for the elderly. SSRIs and SNRIs can have side effects and can cause constipation, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, anorexia, headaches, excessive sleepiness or insomnia...and worse yet increase confusion, agitation, anxiety, and increase risk of falls leading to fractures and brain bleeds.

I walked my mom every single day for 5 years in the park and it did wonders for her. When it was rainy I took her to an enclosed parking lot and we walked there.

Of her 15 years of Alzheimer's she never was on any kind of psychotropic or narcotic, and the complications of her long-term insulin dependent diabetes killed her (chronic kidney and liver diseases). Still she managed to live to be 90 years, 3 months. She also had high cholesterol due to her diabetes despite the sugars being well managed--I could not treat it because of chronic liver disease. Cholesterol medications would have tore up her liver, and she could not communicate if she were having side effects from statins. So despite doctors trying to push statins on her I refused them for her because of her liver problems.

I think exercise made a big difference and she was bedridden for the last 2-1/2 months of her life, because she literally forgot how to walk and could no longer focus on that task of standing.

I sacrificed my life for her. But she was my mom and I love her dearly...not even death can take my love for her away but I grieve her loss everyday and it's been nearly 2 years without her. I ADAPTED...because we ALL die. So I came to terms with it...but I still miss her very very badly. Still if she were alive her brain would have been 100% gone from Alzheimer's. The last months of her life I had to use a feeding tube to keep her from dehydrating to death which can take weeks. Still, she died very comfortably and hospice came over daily to make sure she was comfortable and she was -- and we never did have to use that "comfort pack". She had the most peaceful death you can ever imagine and her family surrounded her in the end. She was surrounded with love to the end.

Everybody commented how great her skin looked. Not one mark.

Try taking her for walks everyday in the park. Do it daily. If she needs a walker, then use a walker. I always told my mom "this is the most important medication you will ever have--daily walks". I treated walking like a medication. Keep up a daily routine. I also took her out to the stores as long as I could (that was before COVID). If you need a wheelchair, use a wheelchair. Keep her going as long as you can.

Dementia does not cause negativity. However, many seniors do suffer from depression. Please consider evaluation and treatment by a geriatric psychiatrist.

Unfortunately I have the same exact problem with my mom. She doesn't want to watch TV, read, do puzzles, crafts..nothing but sit there. I've tried everything to involve her in and now the answer is NO to everything. She sits and stares also, but is quick to tell you what to do. The wash won't even stop spinning yet when she tells me that I have to put the laundry in the dryer.
I feel for you so much because I know you want her to be happy. I think that depending on the dementia, it changes a part of the brain that can deal with happiness. I try to get a good belly laugh out of her each time I'm there. Mostly over sayings that they used when they were younger. Once I had my shoes off and she said " put your shoes on Lucy, don't you know your in the big city"! It cracks me up and then cracks her up. I think laughter is the best medicine! Try and ask her about her younger self and the things she did and the sayings they used. Try once because I know it could backfire and make her more unhappy that she can't do those things anymore. I wish you all the best and know that you are not alone!!

Was she unhappy most the time before she got dementia?

You didn't mention how old she was but some people, especially after losing their spouse are ready to go and no longer want to live.
Ask your Gran what she would like to do or at least give her a clue choices.
Remember it isn't fun to start forgetting everything.
Maybe she'd like to make an album with pictures of her growing up or pictures of her and her family.
Maybe her just staring out the window is kind of like people day dreaming and you're just taking it like she's unhappy?
Prayers for Gran