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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Does this doctor specialize in dementia/memory loss/cognitive decline? Is this doctor a GP? Doctors who specialize in dementia/Alzheimer's are better versed in what it's like to care for someone suffering from these conditions. They are often associated with hospital programs dedicated to dementia/Alzheimer's and other diseases resulting in severe cognitive decline. Such programs offer tremendous support to caregivers and family members dealing with the day to day challenges of caring for loved ones.
If the doctor your working with seems out of touch and/or unable to understand what your going through, I'd find a physician who does understand.
It's kind of the nature of "the beastt", so to speak, that its difficult to do what you originally intended if you're always having to put out fires. Not so terribly different caretaking either, is it? You can try to keep a schedule, try to preplan and anticipate, but every time the mind of a dementia patient "flips", there's a new fire, or one of those darn alligators snapping at your tush.
Jinx - your last comment reminded me of a saying we had regarding design analysis and engineering of computer systems back in the 60s: When you're up to your a$$ in alligators, it's hard to remember that your initial objective was to drain the swamp. Hahahaha...thx for the memories...
I think as long as my mum is competent and still his patient they are not going to discuss much with us yet? I think it depends what stage shes at? I went to see my mums doc he didint want to talk about the negatives he said he was sorry and we will keep an eye on her BUT shes doing really well and is still quite sharp.
I think we all know what to expect in dementia and the doctors know as much as we tell them of course they know but they probably dont want to discuss the negatives until they start to happen. It cant be an easy job for them my mums doctor told me its the worst diagnosis to give someone. I will not be looking for docs for help BUT this site and an ALs centre as this is where we are going to get all the answers through people whove been there and experienced this. I think a doc can only tell us so much at the end of the day are we going to care for them or get them into a home only family can answer this. I diagnosed my mum myself the docs just confirmed it when brain scan came back. I was told for years that is was depression and I went through hell to have her examined BUT vascular dementia can mimic depression so I can see his point?
Are you sure the Dr is not demented? Sorry could not help that, not very helpful just slipped out. Maybe it was the only job he could get. May be he thought you were just being hysterical. How could that sweet old person dozing in the chair behave in such a way or say the things to you that are being described. So you had to drug her to get her bathed and dressed. That underwear you ripped off her had been on over a week and the only place for that was the garbage. By the time you got her in the car you looked as though you had been dragged through a hedge backwards and the best you could do was run your hands through your hair. All that unhelpful stuff being said find another Dr preferably one who has had some post grad training in the area. look him up on your States web site and check his qualifications. 50+ years ago all patients over 65 were considered "Geriatric" in the UK and received minimal treatment. They were just warehoused. One part of the hospital I worked in was part of the workhouse from Dicken's novels and still had the high barred windows. Physical conditions may have changed for the better but some old attitudes persist
Angelo, I feel your pain! Most likely this MD does not, or never has had to experience firsthand day to day living with people afflicted with dementia. How old is this MD? Perhaps he/she is relatively inexperienced with hands-on experience other than what he did as an intern and resident. If he is young-ish in age, and doesn't have direct contact with family members fitting this description then he simply does not have the frame of reference on what it is like day in and day out. MDs are wonderful in many ways but they are not all-knowing and this can be frustrating. I had to deal with an MD neurologist specializing in Geriatric Medicine and she was a cold fish; uncommunicative, not at all willing to share any insight or practical help. Left me feeling depressed and despairing. Dropped her and immediately sought someone else--could you consider doing this? The MD is there to serve YOU; if your communication style with them clashes SEND THEM ON THEIR WAY.
What did he do or say? Some of the advice I read about caring for someone with dementia is a little bit of fantasy. It's hard to do the elaborate procedures they recommend to deal with our problems. Like some of the advice about raising children, it's hard when you're up to your a$$ in alligators.
It is entirely possible that he doesn't understand what living with a patient who has dementia is like.
Or he understands, but he doesn't have the luxury of time to be able to relate to you.
Is he a geriatrician? A neurologist? A psychiatrist? What makes him a "dementia doctor"?
If he did understand what living with a dementia patient is like, what would you want him to do? Maybe there is another way to achieve that. If you can provide more information someone may be able to give a helpful answer.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If the doctor your working with seems out of touch and/or unable to understand what your going through, I'd find a physician who does understand.
I think we all know what to expect in dementia and the doctors know as much as we tell them of course they know but they probably dont want to discuss the negatives until they start to happen. It cant be an easy job for them my mums doctor told me its the worst diagnosis to give someone.
I will not be looking for docs for help BUT this site and an ALs centre as this is where we are going to get all the answers through people whove been there and experienced this. I think a doc can only tell us so much at the end of the day are we going to care for them or get them into a home only family can answer this. I diagnosed my mum myself the docs just confirmed it when brain scan came back. I was told for years that is was depression and I went through hell to have her examined BUT vascular dementia can mimic depression so I can see his point?
Maybe it was the only job he could get. May be he thought you were just being hysterical. How could that sweet old person dozing in the chair behave in such a way or say the things to you that are being described. So you had to drug her to get her bathed and dressed. That underwear you ripped off her had been on over a week and the only place for that was the garbage. By the time you got her in the car you looked as though you had been dragged through a hedge backwards and the best you could do was run your hands through your hair.
All that unhelpful stuff being said find another Dr preferably one who has had some post grad training in the area. look him up on your States web site and check his qualifications.
50+ years ago all patients over 65 were considered "Geriatric" in the UK and received minimal treatment. They were just warehoused. One part of the hospital I worked in was part of the workhouse from Dicken's novels and still had the high barred windows. Physical conditions may have changed for the better but some old attitudes persist
Or he understands, but he doesn't have the luxury of time to be able to relate to you.
Is he a geriatrician? A neurologist? A psychiatrist? What makes him a "dementia doctor"?
If he did understand what living with a dementia patient is like, what would you want him to do? Maybe there is another way to achieve that. If you can provide more information someone may be able to give a helpful answer.