We have ruled out any physical, psychological and neurological contributors. She is 89, living alone with helpers to clean, cook, shop, run errands, drive her etc. She has lost her social graces and doesn't understand that if she says hurtful things, people's feelings are hurt. She has gotten very demanding. It's very difficult to have a conversation with her because she seems most of the time not to be processing what we are saying.
She has lost social filters.
You are observing personality changes.
She does not seem to be processing what she hears.
Sure sounds like something neurological is going on, to me.
About 1/3 of people your mother's age have Alzheimer's disease. (It is higher than that for women, slightly lower for men.) In addition, there are nearly 50 other types of dementia that strike older people.
If she simply was getting cranky in her old age, that would be her prerogative, I guess. But that she no longer understands the social consequences of her actions and doesn't seem to be processing what she is told puts this in an entirely different category, I think.
Honestly, I think they missed something. Or it was too early. Unless she just decided that 88 or 89 was the age when you didn't have to hold it in any more. What does she say when you ask her what has changed?
shows on TV aren't entertaining any more compared to the delightful shows we had back in the 1950's and 1960's.... technology has become too complex, remember back when TV's were easy to use, you turn it on, turn the knob to the station you wanted, adjusted the volume and sit back and relax.... now we have such complex remotes.
Our best friends have either died or moved away, and it's hard to make friends when you live alone.... my Dad [94] found it was hard to talk to the caregivers who were in their 20's and 30's, he did better with caregivers who were in their 50's as that age group could relate to their own parents.
It's not easy getting old, I bet a lot of us will be grumpy at that age, too, if we live to see that day.
I've started practicing myself!
My FIL is really turning into grumpy old man at 93.. but he and MIL moved in with BIL and no one at that house is happy.. so that is a huge part of the issue with him. He can;t do what he used to, and so he DEMANDS everyone else jump when he says so.. which make people stay away. He has alienated his old friends, and can't get why this is... no manners and constant complaining may be a the first clue.
Good luck with this!
You mother's case is certainly perplexing. In your question, you state that your mom has people in the house who do the cooking, driving, cleaning, shopping, etc. basically running the household. How long has this been occurring and why was it done? Was she not able to take care of these things? Was she physically unable to do them? Was her hearing problem the reason? It's certainly understandable in light of her age, but still. I'm just curious. And inability to take care of yourself has to be indicative of some kind of decline. Did the doctors know this when they evaluated her?
Your story sounds familiar to me. When I first started noticing social issues with my cousin, I talked to healthcare professionals too. They gave me various answers about her being lazy, rude, etc. A little while down the road, I discovered they were wrong. It wasn't due to her being lazy or rude. I would try to withhold judgment and consider it a problem that she has no control over. Eventually, something more concrete may appear.
Why would her doctors report their findings (or finding nothing?) to you.? Think about that.
Then, some medical condtions just come with its own moodiness symptoms, such as high blood pressure or diabetes.
my partner and I are her full time care givers
she is NEVER happy no matter what we do
we do all the cooking but can never do it to her liking
we clean but never to her liking
and so on and so forth I wish i had advice but I can only offer shoulder to lean on