She says they can see her through the floor and call her on the phone. They threaten to come in her house and take her money and jewelry so she hides them but later doesn't remember doing so and thinks the people took her things. My 90 year old Dad is trying to take care of her and the houe doing all the shopping, cleaning and driving. They both refuse to get help in the house to clean, cook or have a health worker check in on her. They don't want strangers in their house.
Please tell me how what to do when my Mom starts talking about these people? She says she doesn't want them living under her house. They have a washing machine and a car and recently had a baby that died and had the funeral yesterday. All in her head. Mad at my Dad for not believing her and for not hearing the voices. No medication has helped yet. Her shrink said that if this last dosage doesn't help, she will probably need to be hospitalized. This seems very extreme at this point. I live 3000 miles away so my brother tries to keep an eye on things but they won't let him het them a cleaning crew to help out or a nurse to look in on my Mom. Would love some feedback please.
Daddy had a family of elves living in the middle bedroom. There were 2 adults, 3 small children and a cat. They all had Christmas lights in their hair and all had leprosy. They had take wood from the wood pile and made little beds. They wouldn't open the door for him (though there were no locks on that door). Finally I asked in a casual way "What are their names? What things do they say to you? Are you sure they had leprosy?" It was not confrontational. Just like talking about the neighbors who just moved in. Finally I told him to use his superpowers and get a broom and sweep them away. He did. A few days later he went to the Doctor and it was discovered he had a urinary tract infection. They make older people with dimentia or Alzheimers have these types of episodes. You really need to have someone in at least 3 times a week, perhaps a half day. This would be 'under the direct supervision of your father'. He will thank you for it in the long run. Get her jewelry to a safety deposit box and give her one of the keys. We had the 'elves' & the home health care givers literally steal over $100,000.00 worth of jewelry, uninsured. It will give her peace of mind on thievery and a concrete place to know where they are. I don't know about a broom under the house but maybe a hose? Also have your Dad ask her what they are saying. "Can he join in the conversation?"
A UTI should be ruled out. When my mother is particularly tormented and is hallucinating, about half the time it is a UTI instead of her schizophrenia now that she is elderly.
Mom's schizophrenia is somewhat controlled with meds and we are so thankful for that bit of peace that she has now and then. Now the mental illness is so tangled up with the dementia. I do know that a combination of the meds and the fact that we don't argue with her, but try to reassure her - no matter how irrational she is - calms her.
I'm so sorry - I know how hard this is.
My mother had been under Hospice care for the last six months and because she has improved so much after taking away the Tramadol, the Hospice people have stopped giving Tramadol to a few other people that were taking it and I'm waiting to hear if they're having any good results. I am happy to say that we have been totally blessed and my mom has been taken off of Hospice and moved back to an assisted living facility where she is having a great time!
Mom would be happy and go to sleep.
Everybody's Dementia is different and I wish you the best of luck. I had to move across the country to care for my mom and it was devastating for me.
I told my mom every day that I thought she was the bravest person I had ever met to go through what she was with this terrible disease.
lovbob
Since your father is 90 and is afraid of having strangers in their home, you may have to bit the bullet and get help for both of them. Most likely they will react with anger and fierce independence. We just had to move my mother into hospice and went kicking and screaming. But we children have to do what is best for the parent, regardless of whether or not they like it, or even when it affects us emotionally.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but someone has to make decisions when the person we love isn't capable of doing so.
p.s. I didn't know that a UTI could cause hallucinations. I'll have to check this out with my colleagues.
p.s.s. Funny story: An elderly female patient when going to the potty, would "clean" the window ledge while waiting to finish urination. She then would wipe herself dry with the same tissue and flush it down and then leave the bathroom. No one could figure out how she developed a UTI. One day, her caregiver watched her, waiting to re-dress her. When it was discovered that her "window ledge cleaning" was part of the problem....she said that she was house cleaning while going to the bathroom. Talk about killing two birds.....
The Cipro took care of her problem, and she was watched from that day on.
My suggestion is not to get all worked up about what they do. It is part of the aging as the brain starts to work less and less. Take a breath, say a prayer, and do your job as a loving son or daughter. You will be happy you were there for them while they are still around.
Get a complete review of her meds.....one by one.
Eliminate anything that is not necessary to her immediate health.
In my opinion, the only "drugs" necessary are Vitamin C, perhaps a multi-vitamin, and a drug to control hypertension, especially isolated systolic hypertenion.
At age 88-90, why is it necessry to implode an elderly person with "drugs"?
I've done posts on what my mom thinks is "true", you can go back on this site to read (She just moved into LTC this year from IL). IMHO what you do really depends on what you, dad or whomever decides works best for them and NOT for mom. For me, I try to change the subject and tell her if she brings it up again we're not talking about it. If she does it again, repeat and tell her that if she does it for the third time then I will have to leave. Then when it happens the 3rd time, I leave. If she is all fixated on something there is nothing I can do about it. So to keep my sanity & humor, I leave.
Your mom ain't gonna change or get better - medications like Exelon patch or Aricept can make them loose less ground in cognitive abilities or the anti-anxiety meds can make them less stressed out and mean about it but it's not going away.
If you can have her evaluated by a gerontologist rather than a GP or internist, that would be best as they can do a series of tests to see where she is on the cognitive skills line as they get repeated and then you can tell how fast she is loosing ground and in what areas. My mom has Lewy Body dementia which is more episodic than Alz - some medications are better for Alz that are not suited for Lewy Body or FrontoTemporal Dementia.
Sadly there may not be much that can be done for dementia in later stages. You really need to think about what you can do for your dad to help him cope and what is best for his overall health - which may mean having mom go into LTC and his going into independent living. There are tiered care places out there that go from IL to AL to LTC, so he could see her but she would be getting the care and security needed.He is probably terrified that what he see's her mental state becoming is going to happen to him too. Fear can take over decision making.
If she starts to believe that your dad is going to hurt her then she will act on it and can hurt your dad both physically and mentally and accuse him of things - it won't be pretty and you may find all sorts of legal problems to deal with if you just ignore her decline. None of this is easy but it's better to be proactive than to have to deal with an emergency over July 4th weekend when the underground family sets off fireworks.....and she calls the fire department. Good luck!