I've been taking care of my aunt (89) for 5yrs. I was promised by her if I moved in and helped her, she would leave me her home if she should pass. she now has very little mobility, she's unable to do anything for herself including washing her face, hands or wiping her own butt. It has really put a toll on me and my fiancé, from the time we wake up until the time we FALL asleep 24 hours a day, everyday. She is dead wait and needs a nursing home. She's don't qualify for Medicaid because she owns her home, no one is willing to help us out. I would actually crawl up the stairs with her food to feed her not knowing I was on my last leg until I couldn't go anymore. blood level was a 4 and needed a blood transfusion and surgery. I never got paid for taking care of my aunt and paid all expenses food, electric, water, toiletries etc. even her medication and depends, laundry detergents and all, even put thousands of dollars in her attic making it a room for entertainment etc. Now she tells me that she don't want to transfer the house or sell it to me. Her stepdaughter wants to now step in and be power of attorney and handle everything, actually she wants all the glory without any dirty hands. She wants to know about the house, the bank accounts etc. and how she can manage these things. not only her other family members also but no one was or has been willing to even come offer to was her face or hands nevertheless change her diaper. Now she needs this nursing care and it seems I'm going to be out back because even if she decides to transfer it to me it will still be a lean on the house. I'm just so tired of everyone wanting to manage the finances but no one is willing to get their hands dirty. I have to now start looking for a place after I used all my finances here and on this major surgery I had. I've been in the hospital every month since April 2014 for a week or more each time. Dec. 18th has been the longest I've been home and still no one even offer to stay 24 hours her no one helps it's just been my fiancé and myself. we have no life and he is a blessing because any one else would have probably left me in this situation saying it's my family not his. what shall I do. I know I must find a home because she definitely needs 24 hour care. I'm just so discussed knowing her step daughter will end up with it all. It just makes me sick to the stomach on how much I've contributed over the years with 4 grandchildren. I just believe that God will provide. I don't even have nothing in writing and every time I asked for something the conversation gets ugly and still no one will help her out and she just don't appreciated what we do for her. I so tired. No one will help with a stair lift, a ramp a bed or NOTHING but willing to help with her finances. ugh.
If this stepdaughter were to attempt to move ANY money into her own name, the Judge would cuff her and stuff her for elder financial abuse. NO POA can use their power to put things in their name. It's called "Conflict of Interest". Those assets have to be spent down on the aunt's care. Once they are down to $2000 she applies for Medicaid.
You have rights, and you would best go see an elder law attorney ASAP to protect both you and your aunt.
The above just to illustrate that in 95 % of the families, you can not count on anyone for assistance or help or to give me a little bit of money to pay for the daycare centre, his medicines, etc... Even for father's day or Christmas, his birthday etc.. they just phoned or send a card.
When I finally decided that I was obliged to arrange a nursing home for him, I was advised that a POA would be appointed, and I immediately rushed to a lawyer to see whether his children had any right. His eldest daughter being a head accountant, I knew that big amounts would be transferred to her account, leaving me with 7 or 8 years of daily care, and spending my own money to pay for his things. I always have done this with my full hart, because we loved each other as if we were still young.
But effectively, and as I had feared, when we came before the Judge to appoint a POA, all 3 daughters stood there, and claimed that I was not in a position to take this responsibility. Luckily my lawyer was next to me, and after having pictured the whole situation over the last years, with no help whatsoever from them, even no visit in the nursing home, etc.. the judge was honest, and told them to be ashamed of their attitude so that automatically I was the POA of my own husband. I must admit that as from that day I have charged every cent, even for a stupid pair of socks or some cookies or small drinks as cola, orange juice etc.. And I visited him each week, and I never paid the bill of the cafetaria. Each ticket was handed to the judge by the end of the year, and each of them had to pay their share.
I feel so sorry for you that you are spending each and every day for her well being, and that when money is concerned, they all wake up to put you aside.
I don't know if anything can be changed now, but I only can recommend you to look our for a specialized attorney or a notary, so that at least you are compensated for all the expenses and work you did for her. This would be just and right. If this can not be arranged any more, it is pure and simple theft.
I sincerely hope everything turns out in your favour.
Although I am living in Belgium (Europe) and laws are not the same everywhere, but I really believe that you also must be compensated for all the time and money you have spent for your aunt.
Lots of courage of a big hug !!
So many, here think that the home should transfer to the caregiver, me included. It did not happen here because of sibling greed. And now they have spent outrageous amounts of mom's money on attorneys and such in a effort to get me out of the caregiving role which is close to four years. So, I absolutely understand the stress this has caused you. In my case, I have thrown in the towel and will be done about the end of the month. And, quite frankly I am very ready! My mom has declined fairly drastically in the last couple of months and I am just freaking tired.
So, think carefully about whether you want to try to fight that battle. It can be expensive. You may want to talk with Medicaid about your situation. One of the reasons the house transfer is allowed is because they don't want caregiving to cause the caregiver to become impoverished or another recipient of medicaid.
You should talk to an elder law attorney that specializes in Medicaid planning. They may have some other ideas. Most provide free initial consultation.
It is too bad that this has gone on so long without having anything in writing. Family members who care for a loved one are entitled to compensation. That might be a monthly salary, goods, various valuables, or a number of other things. It is sad to say this, but whatever the parties agree to should be IN WRITING and signed by both of them. Your case is a classic example of what can happen if that isn't taken care from the very beginning.
She can qualify for Medicaid even owning a house, but, yes, there will be a lien on it. Since you have lived there as her caregiver for so many years, there might be an exception that she could give it to you instead.
I suggest that you consult with an attorney who specializes in Elder Law. (Not your cousin who handles divorces or your friend who practices corporate law.) You need to find out what your options (and your Aunt's options) are at this late date.