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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My brother is the same way. he see's dad once in a blue moon and always says he looks fine to him. he's in the last stage of liver cancer but he looks fine.. I know there is a special place in heaven for our family members who choose NOT to help care for their family members. Its called the "EXIT DOOR"!!
I'm not saying this to be mean. You need to Stop looking for a "pat on the back" from useless siblings. They have to live with their choices not you..Your parent is lucky to have you care for them and you in turn .
I know exactly how you feel! hes in total denial OR just dosnt want to know? My bro and sis just ignore my worries have learnt to get on with it its thier problem when my mum passes they will have so much guilt to deal with as now is the time to spend time with them not when its too late. Sometimes I wonder if they pretend not to accept it as its easier on them and an excuse NOT to help out? Forgive and do whats best for you dad you will have peace later not them. try and I know how hard it is to not let them get to you when your dad passes you can get all that anger off your chest. As you may or maynot have seen my other posts my sister was here recently and said "its great youre on a forum" Bitch!!
I have almost the same problem with my sister. She is involved to a point & visits mom as often as possible due to the fact that she lives in another state. My problem is even though she is around mom enough to see how she is actually medically fragile, my sister is in denial about the situation & even downplays the seriousness to other family members & her friends. Mom has been diagnosed with stage 4 metastasized bone cancer. In July she was able, with my sister's assistance, to fly back to our home state for a long weekend to visit family. Now she is in such pain she is no longer ambulatory & has to use adaptive equipment. I live with her & am her 24/7 caregiver. Because my sister's insistence that Mom is not too bad & will get better no one is making an effort to visit her. I understand your frustration.
Why does it bother you that your family doesn't see what you see? They are not around your husband and to an untrained eye a lot of people miss dementia and I'll bet your husband is on his best behavior when he sees them. Let it go. They will find out soon enough when he dies. Then you can say, "I told you so"!
I certainly understand why it bothers you that others don't see the situation as you know it is. When I tell someone that my husband has ALZ, and they say, "well, we are all getting forgetful", something small explodes inside me. I feel like they are accusing me of exaggerating, or they think I'm stupid.
I don't explode, because I suspect they really want it not to be true, or they want me not to be unhappy, and I accept that they mean well.
On the other hand, when people react with shock and tell me I have lost the man I used to be married to, I feel upset too. Because it's not that bad yet! Why don't people say the right thing? I guess there's just no pleasing me!
I'm making fun of myself, but I want you to know that getting upset is natural. This is a hard job and a big emotional burden. I want others to understand and share this knowledge, so I'm not on my own, at least in my feelings.
What bothers you the most? Is it that they won't help plan for the future? They won't help? They won't give you credit for how hard it is? They don't visit because they don't know that he might die soon?
Ferris is here to toughen you up, and I am here to cuddle you and tell you it's all right. We are both needed.
so sorry for cutting off my answer. Did not mean to post but was going to say Mom looks better now than she has in years and is doing much, much better physically, but mentally has declined tremendously yet her daughter and son are fighting us every step of the way. We had to cut off contact with them because they would not follow the guidelines my husband gave them about not upsetting Mom after he told his sister numerous times on the phone and by certified letter. His mother would scratch and scratch until her legs bled from the interrogation during the phone calls yet my husband is the one who has to answer to the Sheriff when they report they cannot call Mom or the Division of Senior Services. We wanted a good relationship with the whole family (they live in other states) yet they have done nothing but make our lives miserable. We are grateful that Mom does not know what is going on as we do not discuss it with her and she does not even realize she has not talked to her daughter. Good luck and again - even though it is your husband, please document everything. Families can be very dysfunctional and make your lives miserable. You know you are doing the best just as we know we are doing the right thing for my mother-in-law and she is very happy.
Options: 1) Take videos of your father and pass along to your siblings, 2) Bring dad to their homes for an extended time, 3) Take notes of his daily behavior/actions (summation). Is he on medication?
Tell your family you are going on holiday (or need a respite) and they need to step up to care for him. You don't ASK - you simply tell them.
Mine are the same way. One brother says she seems okay to him. If I mention dementia, his wife says she had an aunt with Alzheimer's and my mother does not have dementia. My mother is very quiet around them, and they only stay an hour or two with her, so they really don't know what is going on.
The other brother knows things are wrong, but is busy with his job, family, and church. I believe he is of the old fashioned school where "the girls" will take care of things. He is also not very social. He rarely talks and doesn't seem to mentally connect -- he is vision and hearing impaired. He is probably just glad that I am here, because he has so much on his plate with his job. I don't begrudge him, because I know him. I'm just glad he is able to keep working and supporting his family. (I am a little less understanding of the SIL and their 5 kids, who could at least call. I think of how much easier my job would be if they would just volunteer to do yard work once a month. Four of the children are grown and could help a lot. But they are so into their small church family, the birth family has been thrown away. I guess you could say they were reborn into something that looks a lot like a cult.)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I don't explode, because I suspect they really want it not to be true, or they want me not to be unhappy, and I accept that they mean well.
On the other hand, when people react with shock and tell me I have lost the man I used to be married to, I feel upset too. Because it's not that bad yet! Why don't people say the right thing? I guess there's just no pleasing me!
I'm making fun of myself, but I want you to know that getting upset is natural. This is a hard job and a big emotional burden. I want others to understand and share this knowledge, so I'm not on my own, at least in my feelings.
What bothers you the most? Is it that they won't help plan for the future? They won't help? They won't give you credit for how hard it is? They don't visit because they don't know that he might die soon?
Ferris is here to toughen you up, and I am here to cuddle you and tell you it's all right. We are both needed.
Tell your family you are going on holiday (or need a respite) and they need to step up to care for him. You don't ASK - you simply tell them.
The other brother knows things are wrong, but is busy with his job, family, and church. I believe he is of the old fashioned school where "the girls" will take care of things. He is also not very social. He rarely talks and doesn't seem to mentally connect -- he is vision and hearing impaired. He is probably just glad that I am here, because he has so much on his plate with his job. I don't begrudge him, because I know him. I'm just glad he is able to keep working and supporting his family. (I am a little less understanding of the SIL and their 5 kids, who could at least call. I think of how much easier my job would be if they would just volunteer to do yard work once a month. Four of the children are grown and could help a lot. But they are so into their small church family, the birth family has been thrown away. I guess you could say they were reborn into something that looks a lot like a cult.)
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