My father had a foot ulcer that got complicated by a less than competent Dr. He had an amputation which healed but soon after an adjacent area got infected and that point the Dr. said he should have a below the knee amputation because he had osteomyelitis. He also said he would probably need to have the other leg amputated too. Father refused and said he would rather die and was adamant about not wanting to live anymore especially with no legs.
(My father is generally extremely sick and has been for the last 10 years, he has every possible D.M and smoking complication you can think of and after a recent hip replacement he was almost bed ridden but would sometimes be able to walk while assisted.)
Anyway it's been 2 months- he hasn't died and his condition has become increasingly poor. He slips in and out of consciousness and he is incredibly frail. I don't know what to do. Should I go ahead with the amputation despite his wishes? All the people I know with cases similar to my father's have needed to keep having amputations till eventually they died after several years with almost no legs.
I don't know what to do....Having him home slowly dying but not really dying is taking it's toll on me and I'm starting to feel guilty about not really pushing for an amputation when he refused it before everything got this bad. He has been on antibiotics and a special wound vacuum pump, his blood picture is getting much better, but his general health id getting worse
I can't even have a conversation with him anymore- it's like he's gone but he is still breathing. And today the whole room started smelling- I went to another Dr. today- he said give him two weeks or so to get stable and put him on more antibiotics because he is too sick for surgery at the moment. I think he is hoping he will just die in the meanwhile.
I am lost, frustrated, guilty, tired and depressed.
I would also admit him to a skilled nursing facility where the hospice care can be accessed.
The slow amputation of a diabetic's limbs is sickening and sad. I have a friend whose DH took 4 years to slowly, bit by bit, disappear. I don't know why he fought so hard to stay alive, it was no life at all--and in the end, his family has essentially deserted his wife (their mother) over this.
The smell is something you'll never forget....I don't know if it's gangrene or what. Please, for yourself and for dad's better QOL, move him to a FT care center and start thinking about Hospice or at least, palliative care. Sounds like he is really sick and miserable.
Your dad is saying that his quality of life without his legs and with all his other health limitations is not good enough to go on. Does he have a formal Advance Directive or 5 Wishes form filled out? I would talk about his palliative care options to his doctor since dad is not doing better. Palliative care is for comfort with treatment, and hospice removes curative treatment but provides comfort care through death. It sounds like it's time for hospice.
Other believers don't need convincing. Non believers can't be convinced. Those who want to seek answers will find them when they are ready. You should not try to convert/convince anyone here. All you accomplish is turning off and annoying people.
Funny this topic came up. I am Catholic but today I went to an Episcopalian service that honored the music of Bob Dylan. It was a great tribute to his music.
I saw Dylan in his hey day when I was 18 in Houston, TX of all places with my friends. Then again many years later at our jazz festival. I always said my mom’s hearing was bad due to old age and my hearing is not what it used to be from all of the cranked up albums I played and concerts that I went to! Also hearing tons of local music. I live in New Orleans. No shortage of music here.
Dylan’s music was played throughout the service. The guitarist actually recorded with Dylan and many other groups that I love. So it was great to see him again. The choir sang harmony beautifully. Anyway, it was great!
The pastor spoke about Dylan’s ‘spiritual life’ and how it was reflected in many of his songs. He said that Dylan never wanted to be labeled as any particular faith. He continued by saying, “Was he an Orthodox Jew or an evangelical Christian?”
It was determined that he was both at different times in his life and appreciated everyone and was very much like so many others searching for truth throughout life, like the Beatles did during their Bangladesh period.
Many of our churches have interfaith services as well and welcome our musicians because music can be a vital part of ministry.
Yes, there are traditional services too but I just felt like reminiscing with the music of my youth. The sermon was wonderful and so was the music. Our faith is very personal. We live in America and have the freedom to choose how we worship, or not to at all.
They will also help you. They will help you accept his decision and your upcoming journey to let go while he goes in grace.
Call them today. You are exhausted and confused about what to do next. Please let them help you.
Life is hard. At the end of the day nothing is as important as family, nothing even comes close...
Thanks for all the support you guys have given me. I just really needed to vent because today has been a very hard day.