She lays in bed all day..doesn't or won't use the bathroom and when she does she is handling and eating her feces. She walks around reciting the same expressions about " why are you treating me this way" why are you so mean ". My friend's health is ailing to the point where he physically can't give her the attention she needs. She apparently has a pension thru 50 years at Ford. How can I help him find the proper care facility to handle his ailing mom. This is all new to me but he needs help and I promised to try and get him enough information to make a positive decision.
You will tell them that your friend is:
1. Caring for a mom with severe dementia who is at the stage where she's incontinent and ingesting her own feces.
2. Friend if entirely unable to handle the situation, absolutely helpless in knowing how to get help or what to do.
3. Friend has begged you to help him/herself get help.
Beg the APS to open a case and come to the home.
Here they can give and exam and give you pointers what way to go to begin to get mother into care.
What a good friend you are. Do know you may be ultimately helpless in this situation. You can lead a horse to water, as they say, but cannot force it to drink.
"No, the United Auto Workers (UAW) Retiree Medical Benefits Trust does not cover long-term care (LTC), but it does provide medical benefits to retired auto workers and their dependents."
The Trust is for benefits. Once 65, your health insurance becomes a supplimental unless you choose a Medicare Advantage. No health insurance pays for LTC.
My husband had 31 years in when they closed the plant. With his pension and SS he goes over the income cap that some States set for Medicaid. Your friend may need an elder lawyer to help them set up a Qualifying income trust some states its called a Miller Trust.
Your friend needs to put his Mom in depends if not already doing it. He needs to go with Mom to the toilet. He needs to have her evaluated by her PCP and a Neurologist. Have him call Office of Aging to evaluate the situation and help him find resourses and explain Medicaid.
An immediate strategy would be for him to call 911 and tell them she isn't herself and maybe has an untreated UTI (do not say dementia as this is not considered a medical emergency and they probably won't come.)
He goes to the ER with her and tells them she is an "unsafe discharge" and that she needs to go directly into a facility if (assuming she doesn't have a treatable UTI). He asks to talk to a hospital social worker to discuss the options. He does NOT tell them he is her caregiver. He does NOT take her back to the house, no matter what the hospital discharge staff promises.
If he doesn't go this route, he should search for "ALZ+anti-strip clothing" on amazon and special jumpsuits will come up that he can put on her so she can't access her briefs (and uses her money to pay for it or keeps the receipts for later reimbursement).
For immediate in-home help he can go to Care.com or search "caregiving agencies near me" and start that process (and uses her money to pay for it or keeps the receipts for later reimbursement
Your friend doesn's seem to be a very good problem solver. Help him but don't enable him.