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So we agreed on a scattering plan for my mom's remains. Not 24 hours later, no can do. Put mom in a walmart bag, poke holes and walk around where dogs sh*t. I am reeling from this, really. I cannot be the only person who finds this just appalling.
Did you happen to see the episode of the show ‘Mom’ where they swap out ashes with kitty litter? I would do just that and let the asses spread the litter over the dog poop. You then get to keep your Moms remains and do the right thing. Sorry, you can’t pick your relatives. Don’t I know that pain oh too well.
Sorry you are going through this with your family. Unfortunately it seems like everyone has at least one family member that shows there hind quarters in any difficult situation. Even only children seem to have an aunt or an in law to fit bill.
Is it possible for you to swipe the ashes and keep them for a more dignified and private shattering?
The Park Ranger knocked at our door one day, came to teach us how to do trail maintnance, learning about berms, etc. He said to bring the cremains of our dog we had been keeping, not knowing what to do with them.
There in the beautiful redwoods, just off the trails, my Lily-dog was released with a thank you prayer to God for her time on this earth.
Seg, I am so sorry your family is acting up in such a way in regards to spreading your Mom's ashes, it's just horrible. If your Mom had a plan in mind for the spreading of her ashes, then I would follow that plan and honor her.
On a different note, a very close friend of mine just passed away after a long battle with Pancreatic Cancer, and it was her desire to have little bits her ashes put into tiny blue envelopes with her name in them, that were given out to all her friends and family at her memorial service, with the instructions to spread her ashes in all the beautiful places her friends visited over the course of the next year, as she was a very adventurous spirit. Some people spread them, and others just left the envelope and took a beautiful picture of it in a beautiful place.
My friends Facebook page has been kept open, and folks have been posting the pictures and their tributes to this special lady, and reading all the stories has really warmed my heart.
I think it's a lovely way to honor her, and truly shows the Love and Respect that everyone had for her.
I just wanted to share that with you, as doing something like this might be a way folks could do something in their own way, and it would take the pressure off of you, and then they could celebrate your Mom as they see fit, that is if you believe that they would do so, and then you could do your own memorial and tribute your way with your part of your Mom's ashes.
Please remember, your Mom is now gone, and her ashes are but a small piece of what remains. Your memories are your own, and you will always hold them close to your heart. Honor her in a way that makes sense for you, and if you have to share them with other relatives, then let them honor her in their own way too. Still, I don't think it is unreasonable for you to request that they be respectful and and that stupid comments about "dispensing" her ashes in such a rude manner be stopped. No one wants to hear such trashy talk when they have only just lost their beloved Mother. If they are that rude and childish, I would be hesitant to give them any part of my Mom's ashes also!
I'm sorry they are behaving so badly, and I hope you find a good solution. Take Care of yourself! Hugs!
Sorry, but don't think I'd want an envelope of ashes. We had MILs shipped fro FLA. I put her Urn on top of the entertainment center. My DH freaked out. So I covered it with the pouch that was sent with it.
And hey,I got new plan. Museum. Two churches. Schools she taught at in early career. House she last lived in. Two parks.shipping some yo cousin to spread where much family located. But before all, a minister at her church to bless her remains. I will attend myself. In the church. It was important to her. So I am doing right thing I hope by her. I have been shredding documents since last night and all day today. Ran across last wishes numerous times. We have fulfilled none, but cremation. So I will do,my best to fill in gaps.
Eta. This may sound creepy. But 3 years ago my best doggie ever died. He worshipped his grandma and she, him. I am sending him too with her. Stay with grandma. He will, too. He loved that woman. Adored her.
No it doesn’t sound creepy. Lord knows I have loved my dogs more than I loved people in my family, lol. My boy Shane passed away 2 y/o on 6/14. I may need a puppy after all this over (my brother just passed). Happiness is puppy breath. Hang in there, Sego! You don’t have to decide yet. Take a week or two to just relax...
I am just mortified. 3 Guardian ship attempts. 3. Of them. Guess who bailed? Not me. God. Not only have I lost my mom, I have lost my sibling. This is just awful. Really awful.
Ok so help me. Because my family is gaslight central. It is not just me, right? I have minimized this like you would not believe. You would find this appalling, right. I am not over reacting. Gah.
Is your sister asking this? Otherwise who else but her children should decide. No one has a right to say that to you, especially at this time. Do with her ashes what you feel in your heart is respectful. And right now you don’t really have to decide anything. It’s too fresh. My brother died June 8. I’m in no shape to make major decisions as his death was unexpected.
She was your mother & what is done with her ashes should be either what your mom designated or what your sister & you decide.
My Aunt's ashes were supposed to be gently dispensed in a beautiful garden she had chosen.
The reality was we weren't 100% sure it was the right garden, the bag looked suspicious so I think it did end up being a plastic bag with holes. The wind was an issue too.
NOT how we wanted & left feeling very flat.
My Dad choose to go home & plant a tree or bush instead.
My sil has a piece of jewellery made with some ashes in fir her Dad.
I'd say, overwrite that bad memory & make a special memory/remembrance for yourself - your way
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is it possible for you to swipe the ashes and keep them for a more dignified and private shattering?
there are laws about spreading ashes.
The Park Ranger knocked at our door one day, came to teach us how to do trail maintnance, learning about berms, etc. He said to bring the cremains of our dog we had been keeping, not knowing what to do with them.
There in the beautiful redwoods, just off the trails, my Lily-dog was released with a thank you prayer to God for her time on this earth.
On a different note, a very close friend of mine just passed away after a long battle with Pancreatic Cancer, and it was her desire to have little bits her ashes put into tiny blue envelopes with her name in them, that were given out to all her friends and family at her memorial service, with the instructions to spread her ashes in all the beautiful places her friends visited over the course of the next year, as she was a very adventurous spirit. Some people spread them, and others just left the envelope and took a beautiful picture of it in a beautiful place.
My friends Facebook page has been kept open, and folks have been posting the pictures and their tributes to this special lady, and reading all the stories has really warmed my heart.
I think it's a lovely way to honor her, and truly shows the Love and Respect that everyone had for her.
I just wanted to share that with you, as doing something like this might be a way folks could do something in their own way, and it would take the pressure off of you, and then they could celebrate your Mom as they see fit, that is if you believe that they would do so, and then you could do your own memorial and tribute your way with your part of your Mom's ashes.
Please remember, your Mom is now gone, and her ashes are but a small piece of what remains. Your memories are your own, and you will always hold them close to your heart. Honor her in a way that makes sense for you, and if you have to share them with other relatives, then let them honor her in their own way too. Still, I don't think it is unreasonable for you to request that they be respectful and and that stupid comments about "dispensing" her ashes in such a rude manner be stopped. No one wants to hear such trashy talk when they have only just lost their beloved Mother. If they are that rude and childish, I would be hesitant to give them any part of my Mom's ashes also!
I'm sorry they are behaving so badly, and I hope you find a good solution. Take Care of yourself! Hugs!
Eta. This may sound creepy. But 3 years ago my best doggie ever died. He worshipped his grandma and she, him. I am sending him too with her. Stay with grandma. He will, too. He loved that woman. Adored her.
I may need a puppy after all this over (my brother just passed). Happiness is puppy breath.
Hang in there, Sego! You don’t have to decide yet. Take a week or two to just relax...
No one has a right to say that to you, especially at this time. Do with her ashes what you feel in your heart is respectful. And right now you don’t really have to decide anything. It’s too fresh.
My brother died June 8. I’m in no shape to make major decisions as his death was unexpected.
She was your mother & what is done with her ashes should be either what your mom designated or what your sister & you decide.
Don’t let anyone bully you.
Grieving is so hard. I hope your days get better.
My Aunt's ashes were supposed to be gently dispensed in a beautiful garden she had chosen.
The reality was we weren't 100% sure it was the right garden, the bag looked suspicious so I think it did end up being a plastic bag with holes. The wind was an issue too.
NOT how we wanted & left feeling very flat.
My Dad choose to go home & plant a tree or bush instead.
My sil has a piece of jewellery made with some ashes in fir her Dad.
I'd say, overwrite that bad memory & make a special memory/remembrance for yourself - your way