I have worked for my little lady who has Alzheimer's for over 4 years. She has declined drastically. Her elderly husband still works daily and I'm there 9 1/2 hours a day. I love this little couple and care for the lady like she is my own from head to toe: fix hair, dye hair, nails, toenails, shower 3 times a week. We grocery shop on her good days. I clean and cook. Sometimes I drive her around & listen to her favorite music to change her mood. The problem is, she has become increasingly violent and for an elderly woman is very strong. Last week she slapped me across the face. I know it's the disease but still very upsetting. When she is upset for long periods of time with no explanation, she is usually diagnosed with an infection but her temper is a weekly occurence usually when dressing and showering which I realize can be normal.
I have been offered from a previous employer another caregiving job which as far as money goes, I cant refuse: 29 less hours but $1000 more per month. I have always been and am on excellent terms with this family but the violence (and daily bed wetting) has made me want to leave for a long time. I have read that I shouldn't give excuses for leaving but also feel they need to know the extent of her mood swings and violent behavior. She has taken pics off the wall and thrown them. She has hit the dog. They refuse to medicate her. I reported to the nurse her behavior and nurse is reporting to physician. The money is a huge reason I'm leaving because I have to take care of my own family. My new client has his mind and it has been agreed that I will never have to bathe him.
What is the most painless way to leave a job & why do I feel so bad for leaving them?
I realize that caregivers are replaceable but have developed a relationship with this family.
Gr8fuel, I hope you didn't fall for that? No, you can't commit to staying until they find a replacement. You could - if you choose and if it doesn't cost you your better, high-paid job - extend your notice period by another two weeks; but unless your contract says otherwise you should not feel that you have to.
If they know you won't leave until they've got somebody as good or better (sounding likely?) they won't even look, not in earnest. You'll be stuck, and it will be harder to leave, and you'll start believing that you're indispensable and that to "leave them in the lurch" would be an act of wicked cruelty to helpless elders and their devoted children. Either that, or the relationship will turn sour and spoil the good years you've had together.
NOBODY is indispensable. The family will cope. Somebody else needs you now. So be nice, but be firm and give them a formal end date.
Good luck with your new client.
After you've left, you could write them a letter detailing the issues you had so the new caregiver could be prepared for them. You sound very caring. Best of luck to you.
i also would report the abuse of the dog to the proper authorities as well....no animal deserves that either...
I know because I was physically abused by a large older teenager with severe non verbal autism. Personally, I think he had more than autism. I didn’t call 911 after the attack and it was worse than a slap across the face. I was left black and blue.
This young man was my neighbor’s son. I sat with him since he was a toddler. so she could get to her dr appointments, hair appointments, shopping and so forth. After he severely attacked me I had to stop sitting with him.
I agree, a notice does not come before being safe. I have never quit a job without a notice but there are exceptions to every rule. In this case, she is justified in walking out.
Tell them there is something you need to tell them. Tell them you are quitting and giving 2 weeks notice. You have been offered a better job. You will work with them to train a new person. Tell them your safety has been at risk and it is now dangerous for you and whoever they hire. Say it is too late but thank you. I'm leaving on such and such a date. You love them but it's time to move on. Stop talking then. Dont blather.
You should get a raise and a bonus. If I were your boss you would be the exact kind of employee I would desire to have working for my company.
Working with the public is great. A ‘people’ person thrives on it. We should do all that we can to satisfy a customer. But the customer or client is NOT always right. Many years ago I managed a store. I loved it. I was very particular about who I hired and in several years I only had to fire one woman.
I always backed the employees to the customer when they were right. I most definitely would have backed your stance. You are intelligent and did not hesitate to make the proper decision and act on it. 👏 Bravo!
.Becoming violent is part of dementia. My mother has been violent...she’s medicated to control agitation. Now she sleeps most of day. But there are times she gets agitated & curses especially with the paid private Aide. She gets called all kinds of names that are hurtful...& so do I as well; it’s less & less though....
it’s mostly because my mother doesn’t want anyone to bother or touch her because everything hurts her...Maybe you want to give more advance notice or ask them to match $$$$ & reduce hours? Hugs 🤗 whatever you choose
If you are really done and wish to take the new job, no one - not even them - should blame you. We all work and hope to get paid as much as we can for the job we do.
If it's possible, I would try to give them a month's notice. It is not easy to find someone for caregiving roles. However, if you can't, you can't. If you participate in moving job to new caregiver, be very specific in telling about the behavior or triggers that create change in behavior. You might want to write something up for the family so they know exactly what will have to be handled with her care.
How did your little lady and her family respond to your 2 weeks notice?
I would love to know how you handled it and how they responded. It would be helpful for others to know what worked and was received well and what they should not do.
Thanx for updating us.
You have every right to leave and I think this opportunity is wonderful for you! Congratulations!
But as someone who, until very recently, spent 20 years looking after my parents, I know how difficult it is to find someone reliable and trustworthy regardless on whether you use an agency or not.
I would offer, if it doesn’t compromise your other opportunity, a month’s notice and if possible, speak with your friends in the field and ask them if anyone is interested in the position with full disclosure on the situation. That may lessen the blow for the family.
And I would agree fully that the aggression must be controlled. His failure to do so may result in him being alone to cope with his wife. Has he not seen this himself?
If it seems fitting, perhaps stop after a few months to see how they are doing... but as a friend, not employee.
Aging/dementia has stages..she has progressed to another stage that you are struggling to handle. She probably needs a med adjustment to handle her outbursts.
Good Luck.
Offer to help train your replacement.
They will understand. They are probably going through the same.
GN
I like CMs suggestion to write a separate letter concerning her status as it in now.
Congrats on the knew job! Come back and tell us how its going. Its nice to have follow ups.
But because you're good at your job, you care about these people and will find it difficult to walk away. I struggle with this myself and I sympathise - when we come to the end of our reablement assignments, it's official: those clients are none of our business and we're specifically required to take no further interest in them or their welfare. I know I'm new to the role, but at the moment I can't believe I'm ever going to be able to do this!
So, in your notice letter you give a leaving date and say nice, polite things about how much you've enjoyed your time with this couple and wish them well for the future. You are treating them fairly. What they do next simply is not your responsibility.
As a professional courtesy, you also write an exit report on your client's current condition which you give to your employer but marked for the attention of your client's healthcare team. This report is not connected with your leaving, it's for information to facilitate accurate assessment of your client's care needs.
Suggestion about what to write in your report: my line manager has just become excited about a new approach which goes:
Able to: (e.g.) wash and dress her upper body, feed herself, mobilise using a walking frame, engage in social conversation, choose what she would like to eat;
Requires support (physical assistance or verbal prompting) to: (e.g.) dress appropriately, wash her lower body, transfer to the toilet;
Concerns: Mrs Client at times expresses frustration physically and can lash out - these behaviours are currently under investigation with a view to treatment. Mrs C is prone to uti's and has required treatment for these x times over the last 12 months.
The only thing I would question is that your client seems to attack you when you are helping her to shower or dress. Is there nothing you can do differently during these tasks that would help her to feel reassured and stay calm? What most seems to upset her?