Mom lives in assisted living and has everything she needs. Nice place but expensive. Mom is depleting her savings in order to afford to live there. Yet she is always complaining and unhappy. I have been her caregiver for over 6 years. It is not easy to handle moms needs and then listen to all the complaints. Today I went to the store early to get mom some things she wanted. When I arrived this morning with her items , she started on me, eventually she told me to just leave, as she says I never stay long and always just come and go anyway. Mom can be very mean and I should be so blessed to have what she has. I have always done what is in her best interest and what mom has wanted, and now she blames me for everything she is unhappy about. Mom say she does not know what to do . I am totaly stressed , what can I or should I do, her money will run out in a couple of years. She can be very mean to me, it seems everthing is my fault. Yet everyone says how sweet mom is, seems she is fine with others but her sone gets all the negative.... Help..!! I am loosing it trying to make my mom happy to the point that it is affecting me , my wife and daily life in general. Mom wants me to listen and do for her all the time. If I do not run or jump when she calls then I do not care. I am having a hard time with this .. It is beginning to affect my health. Scott
And then.... suddenly our parents are no longer the same. They see us as not so praiseworthy anymore. They see us as having, somehow, let them down by not making them feel better, when, truth be known, there's no way to make those that get like this feel better...they are at the ends of their lives, losing control and miserable and taking out on us for not doing what we've been able to do all our lives though our actions...making them smile, making them happy and proud.
It can't be done anymore and it's missed by both sides. Knowing this fact, that this stage of our lives is gone, it's time to take stock and realize it and just do what you can, not expecting praise...quite the opposite in fact, from our parents. We need to retrain ourselves to deal with that fact, and and accept the truth of it. Mom/Dad is not going to praise us anymore (or at least rarely) and will instead be mad at us for their aging and the changes in their lives. Take the blame and move on...and be happy. Love them, except who they've become, and let their new negativity it fall off you like water off a duck. You'll be happier for it... let the training begin!
Is your mother eligible for Medicaid? Can she pay for assisted living do you know? If she can afford it, it's time to get here there I think. You must have your own life too.
We can't afford assisted living. I don't know how it is back in Texas (where we're from), but in New York, it's $4-5K/month! OMG! Whooooo has that kind of money?! (as far as 'average' pp go, that is) She's not on Medicaid. I don't even know how that works. She does have Medicare and supplemental, so her dr visits and meds don't cost anything out of pocket. I just don't know who to turn to for help! (my husband's in Belgium as we speak, then next week he's off to Tokyo and he had just gotten back from San Francisco!) I either need a 'babysitter' to come in for about 4-6 hours/day, midday, or, better yet, I need her someplace where else so I can have MY LIFE back! It's exhausting, depressing, and quite frankly, it's just not friggin' fair. She's given up. I've done everything I can do and she hates it. Why do I have to be subjected to that?
She needs to use HER resources to pay for her care. Look into Adult Day Care. Talk to her doctor about whether she needs nursing home care. I believe Medicaid has waivers that will pay for AL in NY. A consult with an elder care attorney would also be a wise move.