I have a rare opportunity to get a way for few days to relax, but I am already feeling rotten for wanting to do this. I feel I am abandoning my husband (dementia) in the care of his adult children. I will be closeby in case there is an emergency. How to get rid of this guilt and enjoy my time off?
Maybe it's not guilt so much as regret you are feeling - maybe regret you cannot enjoy the fun time as a couple anymore. If your husband was dead instead of ill, would you still feel guilty? Or regret he didn't make it to experience this fun? Dementia is a kind of death - the death in slow degrees of the mind and soul before the physical body.
I often regret my sister isn't alive to see her grandchildren growing up. I regret I cannot call her on the phone and talk about how funny her grandson was last night or how well another grandson played in his football game. But I don't feel guilt that I am still alive and still able to enjoy my time with those kids.
You are alive and you don't have dementia. Go and enjoy your life as much as you can, even if you regret your husband isn't joining you anymore.
I understand. She misses me. She loves me. I am her support, her care, her lifeline. Just sometimes....yeah sometimes.
Could Mom go to an adult daycare even a few times a week? If you have a church, do they have a Senior program? I’ll bet a church member would be willing to drive her.
My husband and your mom are bored, I’m sure. My husband doesn’t have dementia but sits all day and watches 40 year old reruns on television. If I could possibly get him out, I would.
Check out Senior Programs in your area. Mom will be so tired when she gets home you’ll get your break after work. And, when you are having lunch with a friend, don’t answer the phone.
We caregivers think no one no one can do as good a job as we do. And we don’t want to impose. Our kids have their own lives and are so busy...the excuses are endless. But as Sunnygirl1 says, if we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t take care of anyone else.
Have a wonderful time and come back to share what a great time you had!