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I hope I never cause all this stress/anxiety for anyone. I wouldn't want to impose on anyone like this, especially my child.
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Llamalover47 Apr 2019
Stephanie4181: I vowed NEVER to do this to MY daughter! She said I first have to sign a waiver - not responsible - LOL! ROFL!
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Lymie 61 had a good answer. A little white lie will not hurt you at all, at it may well help you to get him to move on. I myself had a similar situation with an abusive parent, so I know how you are feeling. I had no POA, and still do not have it today. None the less I have been able to move my Mum into facilities with no problems.

I originally was taking care of both parents, one with ALZ and the other with Dementia and NPD, and on occasion we would tour some of the AL homes. My Mum hated them all. She preferred to stay in my home but by that time my Dad was suffering from psychosis. My husband was living in the Caribbean, and I wanted to be with him during the holiday season. So I figured a way that I would have reliable help to stay in my home while I was away. I told my Mum that I was going to spend the holidays with hubby, and that xyz would be caring for her and my father. Well, it worked - my Mum quickly decided that she wanted to come with me, and agreed to stay in the White House (an AL facility one block from our condo). I continued to call it that on purpose.

The transition wasn't easy for either of them. My Mum was able to get involved at the facility and while Dad was not especially happy with the situation, he did adjust as best you can in the late stages of ALZ. All in all, it has turned out to be a very good thing for all of us. They had a nice room with a view of the ocean in a memory care unit - that was something my Dad wanted. The people in the home have been able to help me a lot in establishing boundries with my NPD Mum.

I know they are well taken off, and since my Mum is here with us, she has many new friends who visit her. Since my Dad passed away last year, My Mum and I have a better relationship than ever, so much so, that I'm actually taking her back to the mainland to stay in our home for a few months.

Good Luck!
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Here's an idea - Tell him you need to do some work on the house or something. Then take him to an AL home and tell him it's for a month. Make him write the checks to the AL home. Once you get him in, they can do automatic payments from his checking account, and of sometimes you will have to lie about the the length of time he's there for. Little white lies can go a long way here.

This takes me back to when my Mum wanted to go back to her home in the beginning. I would say "No Way" - after all the home was uninhabitable. Later on I changed my answer. Every time she brought the subject up, I would say "Okay Mom, let's make a reservation for a ticket, would you like to go on the 1:30 or 2:30 flight?" I would even pull out the suitcase and tell her we needed to get her packed.

She stopped asking eventually.

When I tried to get her into a home, she would have issues with every one we went to see. She would say "This home I'm living in is a palace - why would I want to live there?"

Little white lies...
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