Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Usually when there is a fixation on wanting to go "home" the reference to "home" is symbolic, meaning a time when the person was young and had his life ahead of him and all of his capabilities and independence. Don't take it literally. Can you have the discussion(s), and then just let it go? You probably shouldn't try to reason with him or explain your point of view. Play along with the idea, eventually this idea will be dropped. Is "home" an actual place that you could conveniently visit? It may be time to take over the finances, if there is a danger of him making some poor financial decisions. Set up the accounts online and then go paperless, if possible. All the best to you.
You could try a conversation about ‘all the places you have lived’ and ‘what you liked about them’. Perhaps find photos of the houses or of people who were there. If he liked ‘the view of the mountains’ you could find ‘mountain’ pictures or videos, and compare them. You could think about places you have been on holidays, or what would make your perfect house.
This is one of the strategies for a conversation when elders are in care, and conversation gets a bit labored. It might also work as a diversionary tactic, once you get a few details about the ‘old’ places. It’s just an extra to the other suggestions, not a solution to the 'sell and move' problem.
If he knows that his old home has been sold, you might plan a trip back to the old town. There's a lot of scope for long conversations about trip planning!
His memories of "home" are probably from an earlier time in his life. Ask him about what "home" looked like. Try to incorporate something that seems familiar to him. Also, talk with his doctor about this recent anxiety for "home". He may benefit from medication(s) to help him relax and not feel stressed when things don't look "right".
JanFLCAAZ: Perhaps you can tell a little fib, i.e. the moving companies have all shut down due to a pandemic and you can't pack everything yourself, et al. Most likely he is referring to his childhood home in this quest to "go home." You may be able to garner information on the disease by reading the book, 'The 36 Hour Day.'
Did you read any of the dementia books/ booklets and or literature/ videos that were recommended to you in a previous post? If not, I suggest you do in an effort to learn all you can about your husband's condition.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The full copy of her book is available here: https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
My friend's father and mother lived in a memory care facility, and he thought he was living in a hotel for five years. It wasn't a bad thing. He thought he was on vacation. The mom knew they weren't at a hotel, but she never let on that they weren't going home. You have to play it the way that makes the most sense at the time.
My 100-yr old Aunt with mod/adv dementia was in this phase, then out of this phase, and is now back in it where she wants to go "home" all time, not just when she is sundowning. We are looking into managing this through medications since everything we were doing no longer works to settle her. She's had diagnosed dementia for 12+years. Not saying this is going to be the case ffor your husband, only that you deal with it as it occurs, in any way that works for the both of you. Blessings to you!
I agree with funkygrandma. You have to tell a little fib that will satisfy him for the moment. As many people with dementia no longer recognize their surroundings, they often want to go "home". They often don't really know what they mean by this and no where that you take them or tell them will satisfy them. So, just try vague responses to get him off the topic of going home. Tell him any number of things - "I'm looking into it honey" or "We need to wait until the market gets better" or "We need to do some work on the house first and I'm waiting to hear from the plumber".
Often when someone with dementia says they want to go home, they are referring to their childhood home where they felt safe with their parents. One of the ladies in my support groups husband would tell her all the time that he wanted to go home, and at first she would take him for a little drive telling him that she was taking him home, and eventually would pull back in their driveway telling him that he was now home. It worked for a short time, but after a while he wanted to know who's house they were living in and she(tired of telling him it was their home)told him a "fiblet" that "a friend" was renting it to them, and he wanted to meet this friend. Eventually though as his dementia progressed this phase ended, so know that this too shall pass. You may have to learn how to tell little "fiblets" as they're called in dementia land, as "logic doesn't live here anymore,"(a saying we use often in my support group)as you already know, so say whatever you must to get his mind off of it. And that could be something like "well let's see what the housing market is going to do and talk about it again in a month" or "I'm waiting to hear back from the realtor." That one you could drag out for a while. And perhaps by then he will be onto something else. It's hard this I know. But I also know that none of these phases last for long, so hang in there and know that you're not alone in this journey with your husband. God bless you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
This is one of the strategies for a conversation when elders are in care, and conversation gets a bit labored. It might also work as a diversionary tactic, once you get a few details about the ‘old’ places. It’s just an extra to the other suggestions, not a solution to the 'sell and move' problem.
If he knows that his old home has been sold, you might plan a trip back to the old town. There's a lot of scope for long conversations about trip planning!
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck
Good luck.
One of the ladies in my support groups husband would tell her all the time that he wanted to go home, and at first she would take him for a little drive telling him that she was taking him home, and eventually would pull back in their driveway telling him that he was now home. It worked for a short time, but after a while he wanted to know who's house they were living in and she(tired of telling him it was their home)told him a "fiblet" that "a friend" was renting it to them, and he wanted to meet this friend.
Eventually though as his dementia progressed this phase ended, so know that this too shall pass.
You may have to learn how to tell little "fiblets" as they're called in dementia land, as "logic doesn't live here anymore,"(a saying we use often in my support group)as you already know, so say whatever you must to get his mind off of it. And that could be something like "well let's see what the housing market is going to do and talk about it again in a month" or "I'm waiting to hear back from the realtor." That one you could drag out for a while. And perhaps by then he will be onto something else.
It's hard this I know. But I also know that none of these phases last for long, so hang in there and know that you're not alone in this journey with your husband.
God bless you.