Mom and Step-dad (Dad is deceased) enlisted me as their POA (and executor of their trust) to handle their affairs when they no longer could. Mom was declared incapacitated earlier this year but I have been taking care of her finances long before that. She's not good at this so she asked me to step in (she's now debt free). My sister, feeling left out of these decisions, has been writing checks and forging Mom's signature and paying some bills. Of course I see these checks on Mom's bank statements and have asked her to stop and just hold the bills until I come to see her (every two weeks). After some leg work, I finally got Mom's paychecks moved to a new account. I left the old account open with just enough funds to cover groceries, meds, and trips to the hair and nail salons. It's hard to hold my sister accountable. Even after lengthy texts explaining the consequences of forgery (although not malicious), she still continues writing and forging checks. I will do all I can to stop this.
Problem is I don't know what my next step is. She is also withholding information about the caregiver she and my niece (her daughter who lives at Mom's home with husband and 2 kids rent/utility free) have hired. I've allowed them to do this because they are there more than me. But my sister won't even give me the lady's phone number so we can talk about rate and days worked. I'm trying very hard, given my own schedule, to keep as accurate records as possible. It's my fiduciary duty and I am serious about Mom's finances and property (which I'm also joint tenants with her). I basically hold all the cards but am being disrespected. I'm also a senior (70 yrs.) and need support in this matter. I'm not a yelling, all up in your face kinda person. BTW Mom doesn't want to move to an assisted living facility or we would have been gone and I wouldn't be writing this. So the bottom line is this: Does any of this constitute abuse ? If not, is there an agency where I can file a complaint. I've looked at the county's APS but not sure if this fits. Mom's home is beautiful so I understand why they're so resentful toward me. I didn't ask for this, but I understand why I was asked. There's much more to the story but I'm just here searching for options.
In exchange for what?
Do you even know the original agreement btwn Mom, Dad, and the family living rent free? Maybe they were expected to pay the utilities?
What bills are Sister paying? Something for Mom? Does Mom need internet, cell phones, etc.
A POA does not "give away" Mom's money, does not pay for gifts, groceries for others,
Maybe take your POA more seriously, at the very least, require receiots, contracts, explanations in writing. Stop by when they do not expect you.....maybe there is NO caregiver if you have not met her? Look into the refrigerator.....is there food for Mom, or just a lot of kids food? Is the family responsible for some of Mom's care?
I do understand your challenges at age 70, but this arrangement, non-arrangement is ripe for theft and exploitation. And sister does not explain? Take the checkbook.
Find a better way, such as grocery gift cards, ask for receipts before you give more.
Maybe there is nothing unusual, but account for it......
If you are not handling the money, somebody else will.
Mom didn't ask for rent/utilities 'cause she (and I) thought they'd be gone. Now Mom is suffering from Alzheimers and needs care. My niece just hired herself to fill that position. Problem is there's a conflict of interest. You can't watch Mom and your take care of your kids. There's no accountability.
There's just too much story to type here.
My sister is probably resentful for not being a part of Mom's and Stepdad's affairs. There's good reason for that and she knows it. I've explained the consequences of what she's doing but she just ignores me. You can disrespect me.. that's your choice. But I won't tolerate being disrespected...my choice.
Know this: I am not giving away Mom's money. I don't know where you got that from. Maybe I've just not been clear here..I get that sometimes.She's debt free. I moved her payroll deposits and all the money to a new bank. I kept the old acct. open with just enough to cover her necessities. I replenish it periodically.
I'm just here to get input on plugging a small leak and taking to task the person Interfering with this.
So far, most feel this a criminal offense (forgery). I'll get with my lawyer and the firm to take the initial action.
I do appreciate your input....honestly.
The range of options seems a bit limited without the name of the original firm to hand (nothing in any old address books or card indexes?) but what does seem very clear is that you must do something about this. If your sister really wanted to make trouble out of sheer pique she could have a field day with this.
The bank can't give you any details of the trust with your mother's own verbal permission backed up by your DPOA? If the account is connected to it would they not have information? - a file reference, a law firm's letterhead, anything?
But I do get the impression that you haven't really been frank with her; and on the face of it this is really simple. If your sister, or another family member, is signing your mother's name on her checks that has to stop, immediately, and if it happens again after you have spelled this point out you must go to the police.
You have POA for your mother, you are responsible for her financial welfare, and should it come to light that repeated forgeries took place of which you were aware and you did nothing - you'll be complicit.
Be understanding and proportionate in the way you explain this, by all means, but for heaven's sake don't be squeamish.
I've been scratching my head for fifteen minutes now and I still don't know how to put this.
When you bring to your sister's attention that forgery is a criminal offense - and I have been to check, and so it is in every state, although I gather that if the sums involved are not large and the intention itself is not egregious it is a misdemeanour rather than a felony - what is her response?
Is she failing to understand the criminality of what she is doing? - or does she not agree with the law?
I mean, seriously, "does this constitute abuse?" !!! It constitutes a criminal offence. She has to stop doing it!
Give it a second--don't go legal on her if you can help it. Talk to her, if she will not stop, then call an attorney and move that way. You hate to think that family won't all pull together on stuff like this, but stick around these boards and you'll find a LOT of financial shenanigans going on. You can definitely set up mom's checking so that it would require YOUR signature on all checks also. That would stop the theft.
You absolutely need a written contract for the woman who is caring for mom. Whether that's something you can find online or not, I don't know. But you MUST have an accounting of monies spent in mom's care.
Sis is taking advantage and that has to stop. warn her once, then take action.
Just saying this b/c my OB stole over $200K from my parents---25 years ago, when $200K was worth quite a bit more. Awful, awful, awful. ruined their "golden years" for sure. None of the rest of sibs knew until the sold their home and had almost no equity. We would have most assuredly taken action had any of us known.
Good Luck.
Forgery has criminal implications that might be more straightforward than abuse. Once again this is tricky if there is no actual loss, and it’s more annoying for you than anything else. One option would be to get a lawyer’s ‘frightener’ letter sent to her. It’s cheap and often effective. However it will certainly make the interpersonal problems a whole lot worse. I can understand that this is very annoying for you, and that you want to do everything properly, but if you can do the paperwork when you get the bank statements, it might be worth just ignoring what is happening. People have many nastier problems, and at least this isn’t affecting your mother.